Cuts and Bruises
by Lelimo
Summary: Set in the 6th year. Over the summer he's been abused, changing his character. This change provokes an unlikely alliance where they slowly begin to find comfort in each other... relatively dark fic. Slash, please rr!
1. Prologue

**Cuts and Bruises  
**  
Ok, this is my very first fan fic so please be nice. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own Harry Potter as much as I would like to, it all belongs to JK Rowling, apart from my storyline, which I have made up.  
  
Prologue  
  
The pain, the continuous and constant pain that kept coming and coming and coming, it didn't stop, it didn't get any better and there was no relief. There was nothing he could do – it happened whether he liked it or not, he was powerless. Pain seeped through his body like water seeps through a sponge – it was agony, beating after beating with that infamous black belt, whipping after whipping and punch after punch.  
  
Sometimes, if the offender was in a particularly happy mood, he would take his victim by the hair and drag him upstairs, not caring what he hit, whether the victim crashed his skull on a door frame or hit his leg on a wall with such force that it nearly broke. The offender would then run a bath and lie the victim in it face downwards and would hold him there for about five minutes, or until the victim's movement slowed down.  
  
Then he would bring back to the surface for about half a minute, where he would see the pain and the victim gasping for breath and then back under he went. This would happen until the offender got bored and left the victim to clean up, usually blood from his head where the offender had smashed his skull against the bottom of the bath.  
  
There was always such joy in the offender's eyes as he saw the pain flash across his victim's eyes, as he saw those tears roll down the victim's cheeks and as he damaged, cut and bruised that perfect flesh.  
  
The victim never cried out, that would be pointless, no one would ever come, everyone became temporarily deaf and it would give the offender even more pleasure to see him ask for help. Anyway no one would ever stand up to this monster of a person that he was, incontrollable and the offender relished in the fact.  
  
'You're worthless.'

'You're not fit to be a human being.'

'You're a piece of dirt that needs to be crushed under my shoe.'

'You're insignificant.'

'You should hav never been born.'

'There is no purpose to your life, you might as well be dead.'  
  
These were the insults that flew at him day after day, night after night whenever he was in hearing range. All he could do was take it; there was no use in answering back that would just mean more beatings. He just had to get on with his life, which at the moment was mainly chores and take what was thrown at him, he had to take it like a man, which wasn't right seeing as he was only a 16 year old boy who shouldn't be subjected to this rage and torture.  
  
This boy was 6ft 2 and well built. You could see he was a sportsman with muscular arms and legs that were now covered in deep red cuts and purple bruises.  
  
He has a name this boy, it isn't a very interesting name, there isn't anything extraordinary about it, it's just a name and it's the name he goes by. This boys name is Harry Potter.

Well thats the beginning and I hope you like it, it's a bit dark I know. Please r/r it would mean a great deal to me. Thanks, hope to get another chapter up soon. Promise.


	2. Changes in Harry

Chapter One – Changes in Harry  
  
Of course Harry Potter wasn't pointless or insignificant and there was a purpose to his life but he couldn't see it anymore, things had become so blurred, memories were slowly being washed away and replaced with threats of beatings, torture and sometimes even death. Everything was pound into Harry so he would never forget it.  
  
This had all started when Harry returned from his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His Uncle had lost his job and Dudley, precious, spectacular Dudikins had been killed in a boxing match, where he had taken a serious blow to the stomach giving him internal bleeding, which even after surgery had only taken three days to kill him, stone cold dead, leaving his Mother and Father both broken hearted. So they laid the blame on Harry, who was left and in their eyes it was he who should be dead.  
  
Slowly Uncle Vernon had taken very nicely to a bottle of scotch or three everyday and that was just in the beginning there was more and more after that. Aunt Petunia had just given up, no ones misery gave her something to gossip about anymore, she had not moved from her bedroom, unless it was to go to the kitchen for a glass of water. The house was dead and this 'little' factor was blamed on Harry.  
  
No one knew because nobody was told – Harry hadn't said anything, not to Ron, not to Hermione, not even to Dumbledore, he couldn't stand the idea of their pity or attempts to rescue him and make him safe. To have him live up to the expectations and be the hero he was meant to be, to be the strong willed, clever, happy boy that he should be. That had all past now, Harry didn't know what happy was, it was a mere memory, there was no feeling left within him, no feeling of happiness.  
  
On August 27th, he received his sixth Hogwarts letter telling him of the books he needed to buy and that he was to become a prefect this year, a prefect.  
  
'Me?' he thought. 'Dumbledore probably just feels sorry for not making me one last year and so does it now instead, thanks a bloody lot.' Harry continued to think bitterly.  
  
So at 11.30pm that night, Harry went to the end of Privet Drive and held out his wand and in no time the great big purple Knight Bus came round the corner. Harry paid eleven sickles for a ticket to London and sat down on the four-poster bed that had been laid out for him and in due course fell asleep properly for the first time in six weeks.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Harry stood outside the entrance to the Leaky Cauldron and took in each part of it bit by bit. The dampness, the bleakness, the dark, the smell and the idea of what lay behind the door, the whole world that happened right under (what you and I would call) ordinary people's noses. But instead of reaching for the handle and turning it like he should have, Harry let his eyes drift further down the street to a tattoo parlour, when his eyes lit up.

Two hours later Harry re-emerged into the sunlight and his still messy jet-black hair shone as it caught the light and his green eyes glinted with a false brightness.  
  
He now had four new tattoos – one was an emerald green snake, with a silver tongue, the snake started on his left shoulder and ran behind his neck and curled round his neck to end on the left side of his neck, this snake was entangled in a piece of black barbed wire. The next was a cross engraved with a Celtic design at the bottom of his spine, then on his right shoulder blade there was a skull with a dagger piercing through the top of the skull and the dagger was dripping black blood. Then the very last was a small and intricate red heard located at the top of his right arm and on the left side of the heart at the top in gold were the letters L & J.  
  
Harry sighed deeply and inhaled the clean air around him and did what he was supposed to have done two hours ago and walked inside the Leaky Cauldron.  
  
'Ello Harry,' called Tom from behind the bar.

'Oh, hello Tom,' Harry replied, walking swiftly past him and out into the courtyard at the back. He tapped the wall three times, 'three up... two across,' Harry muttered to himself as he remembered standing here with Hagrid on his eleventh birthday, so much had changed since then and it wasn't necessarily for the better. 'Welcome to Diagon Alley,' Harry walked through the archway and headed for Gringotts.

Thirty minutes later Harry stood on the steps of the snowy white building blinking in the sun and adjusting his eyes, with his moneybag full. Harry made a first stop to Flourish and Blotts to pick up all the necessary books and then he moved on to the Apothecary to stock up on his potions ingredients. Finally resting outside Madame Malkins Robes for All Occasions. 'This is where I first met Malfoy,' Harry thought, he took one step closer to the window picturing himself standing on a stool next to Malfoy and telling Malfoy that his parents were dead. 'What a great start to a friendship that was,' Harry thought mockingly.  
  
'Having fun?' A voice drawled behind Harry. 

'Malfoy.' Harry replied. 'Typical,' he muttered to himself.

'Oh how clever of you,' retorted the voice.  
  
Harry rotated slowly on the spot to see a well built muscular boy, slightly shorter than he was, about 6ft. Who for once didn't have his hair gelled back but was actually letting it fall over his eyes and frame his face in a scruffy sort of way that hid the silver grey eyes underneath. Harry could see that even though Malfoy tried to smirk, there was a pain in his face that was standing out very clearly for all to see.  
  
'What's wrong Malfoy?' Harry asked kindly.

'What do you mean, what's wrong?' Malfoy snapped back. 'Not trying to be nice are you Potter? But then I suppose what with all of your 'friends' having deserted you, I'm not surprised you turn to me to have as your friend.'  
  
Harry moved closer to Malfoy, close enough that his nose was almost touching the bottom of Malfoy's forehead and stared down at him with his penetrating green eyes searching the lost, cold grey ones he looked into. 'What would you know about being alone and being deserted? How dare you try, yes try Malfoy and insult me with that pathetic attempt, you don't know the meaning of the word desertion, so don't use it until you do.'  
  
Malfoy broke Harry's gaze and looked down at the floor, turned on his heel and walked away. Harry tried to watch after him but Malfoy became engulfed in the crowd of happy shoppers.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o   
  
'Harry!' Harry raised his head to see a smiling Hermione looking down at him. He was eating his dinner, or more like pushing it round his plate in the Leaky Cauldron for the fourth night in a row. He had returned to Privet Drive to collect his case, Hedwig's cage and anything else he thought he may have needed for the up coming year. Of course Uncle Vernon was out cold, unconscious on the living room floor like he usually was at night and so Harry managed to gather what he needed without being beaten or threatened with almost certain death.  
  
'Hi Hermione, what are you doing here?' Harry asked as Hermione sat down in the chair opposite him.

'I'm staying her for the night with my parents and then they're going to take us to Platform nine and three quarters tomorrow, if that's ok with you?'

'That's great, thanks very much.' Harry forced a smile. 'How did you know I was here?' He questioned.

'Oh, um, I asked Ron if he knew and he said he hadn't heard from you all summer and so thought better of it and left you to be on your own, what with Sirus' death last year...' Hermione continued talking but Harry didn't hear.  
  
'Sirius,' he thought. 'Sirius, my godfather hasn't crossed my mind all summer but is doing so very much now anyway, what kind of a person am I? A beaten, demoralised and hurt person yes, but not one who should forget about his godfather. How could I be so selfish?'  
  
'So I ended up doing a locater spell because you hadn't contacted me either. Harry? Harry? You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?'

'So what?' Harry snapped at her. He pushed his plate away and stood up. 'Sorry Hermione,' He said quickly. 'But I'm tired, I'll see you in the morning.' Harry continued coldly.

'But Harry, you haven't finished your food and it's only 7.30 ......' Hermione trailed off as she watched him start to climb the stairs.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o  
  
'God, why won't people leave me alone? Well people being Hermione...... was I too harsh on her? Oh god I wonder what Ron's going to be like...... 'Why didn't you contact me? I wanted you to come over etc. etc. Well I didn't come over cos I was being beaten within an inch of my life by my Uncle!' Harry shouted at no one in particular.

'Oh dear, you should really try and control you temper you know. Random outbursts like that are not good,' said a voice. Harry turned to see a painting shaking his finger at Harry and tutting, while moving his head from side to side in a disbelieving way.

'What would you know?' Harry spat.

'Hmm,' said the painting very shortly and in a miffed sort of way.  
  
Harry walked into his room and without even considering taking his clothes off he landed face down on the bed and fell straight asleep.  
  
Well that's that chapter out of the way. Hope it continues to entertain you. Thank you so much to my reviewers. This chapter was for Sparrow Greenleaf and Voldermorts Veela my first two reviewers!!! Lol. How corny is that, oh well. I'm going on holiday now and so won't be updating until I get back, which is the 1st August. Hopefully I'll have a couple more chapters for post then. See ya soon xxx Lelimo.


	3. Return to Hogwarts

Chapter Two – Return to Hogwarts  
  
Black, black, black, that was all he could see, nothingness, emptiness and then there was a high, cold cruel laugh echoing in Harry's head and Harry awoke.  
  
He tried to open his eyes and see what was making the continuous tap, tap, tap but then he realised that he wasn't going to see much else unless he turned around and so rolled over only to fall off the bed.  
  
'Bloody hell. What a great start to the day.' Harry muttered. He turned his head towards the noise and saw Hedwig perched patiently on the windowsill with a letter and a newspaper in her beak. He stumbled over to the window with his eyes still altering to the light and opened the window. Hedwig dropped the letter and newspaper in his hands, gave him a affectionate peck on the cheek and flew over to the table by the fireplace to help herself to some toast.  
  
'Oh, I see. Yes you can have it.' Harry laughed and then turned his attention to the letter, the newspaper was boring as usual – information about Voldemort, what to look out for etc. People's stories about having seen he-who-must-not-be-named outside their bedroom window and all that monotonous palaver.  
  
The letter. 'Dear Harry,' it said. 'Sorry for not contacting you earlier but what with the ministry on my tail constantly now about the return of Lord Voldemort, the worry of where Lord Voldemort is and other things that seem to appear when you least expect them to. I would like to say congratulations on becoming the third prefect for Griffindor, each house has had an extra prefect added to the duties to allow them to relieve the teachers due to certain circumstances, which I believe you are fully aware of. So when you arrive at train today, would you please go to the prefect's compartments at the top end of the train with the others. Please would you humour me in coming to my office after the feast this evening, there are a number of things which I need to discuss with you, to do mainly with your future.  
  
Thank you and with kind regards

Professor A. Dumbledore.  
  
'Oh for fucks sake. What does he think I am? A child? I'm not a piece of glass that's about to break, he could be slightly more blunt about it. Like Harry we need to discuss you defeating Voldemort or facing almost certain and excruciating death. Jesus Christ!' Harry shouted while screwing up the letter into a tight ball and he then threw it on the fire.  
  
'Knock, knock,' went the door.  
  
'What?!' Harry asked intolerantly.

'Harry?' came a timid voice, 'it's me, we're about to leave, if...if you're ready.' Hermione stammered through the very slightly open door.

'Yes, all right Mione, I'm coming.'

000000000000  
  
Harry and Hermione arrived at Kings Cross Station with about fifteen minutes to spare. They passed through the barriers between platforms nine and ten to appear only in a completely different world.  
  
'Home,' thought Harry. 'Yeah right.'  
  
Harry turned around to speak to Hermione but found she had gone and could be seen in the distance, further down the platform talking to Lavender and Pavati.  
  
'Well sod that then,' Harry said to himself as he stalked off to the end of the train where the prefect's compartments were. One was already full with Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw prefects bending out of the available windows to talk to friends and family, so Harry took the empty one opposite. He sat down and looked out of the window, watching the muggles rush by not knowing he was here, observing them. Harry began to close his eyes for a sleep when the door opened with a bang and a red faced, hot and obviously embarrassed Ron walked in.  
  
'Harry?!' Ron said, his voice containing a mixture of surprise and wonder. 'This is one of the prefect's compartments...' he trailed off. Harry just stared blankly at Ron, 'oh I get it, you're Griffindor's new prefect,' Ron continued as it all dawned on him. 'Well, um, congratulations mate.' Ron smiled but Harry just continued to look him in the eye.  
  
'How was your summer?' Ron enquired.

'Fine, uneventful. Yours?' Harry replied.

'Oh, it was great. Dad and Mum have been saving up, so we all went to visit Charlie in Romania, except Bill and Percy of course...' again for the second time in two days, Harry zoned out. He had gotten very good at this, it was a perfected art of his that he had learnt to use when Uncle Vernon was shouting abuse at him. He knew he shouldn't really zone out when his best friends were talking to him but all they could think about was them, them, them and nothing was their fault but he was taking everything out on them, without them even knowing it. 'Anyway Dad ended up losing fifteen sickles to a vampire and so we were forced to come home.' Ron stopped and looked expectantly at Harry.

'Sounds great!' Harry said almost too enthusiastically.  
  
By now the train had started to move and they were off for another year. There was a knock on the compartment door and a smiling Hermione stepped into the compartment and took a place next to Ron, she smiled at them both when a less welcome person came into view followed by a continuation of more uninvited people, a leader and his cronies.  
  
'Malfoy,' Harry said coolly and turned his back to the wall, stretched his legs across the seats; so that there was only one seat left on the row and closed his eyes.

'Well, well Potter, Dumbledore obviously felt sorry for his Golden Boy and felt it necessary to reunite the Golden Trio by making you a prefect too, dear, dear me what is this sodding world coming to?' Malfoy smirked.

'Well,' Harry began to reply without opening his eyes and allowing a small smile to creep across his lips, 'at least I don't look like an idiot surrounded by a pack of dogs barking Malfoy, Malfoy oh wonderful Malfoy, and the next thing you know they'll be cleaning your shoes with the amount of saliva they're producing. Throw them a bone Malfoy and keep them happy for gods' sake before we drown in their drool.'  
  
And with that, Harry got up and walked to the door where Malfoy was. 'Move shorty,' he ordered and then turned to Ron and Hermione and said, 'I'm going to patrol the corridors for a while.' He pushed past Malfoy, who hadn't heeded to his order and stalked off down the corridor.

00000  
  
Harry of course didn't go to patrol the corridor; instead he went to the very end compartment and told some second years to 'bugger off' as this compartment was 'needed' for prefect stuff. Once they had buggered off he lay on the seats and tried to fall asleep but that was interrupted almost straight away. But the person didn't say anything; he or she just sat down on the opposite seats and they stayed in the complete silence until... 'That wasn't very courteous of you of you now was it?' Harry didn't even bother to open his eyes or reply, he knew that voice and so he turned around to face the wall trying to put as much distance as possible between him and Malfoy. 'No one turns their back on a Malfoy, not even the famous Harry Potter,' snarled Malfoy while turning Harry over.  
  
'So what do you want?'

'To taunt, tease and generally annoy you.'  
  
Harry didn't reply, there was really no point to it.  
  
'But I'm not going to,' Malfoy continued in a weaker voice.  
  
At this Harry opened one eye and looked directly at Malfoy in almost mock surprise. 'Gone soft Malfoy?'

'What would you know?'

'Surprisingly quite a bit.'

'Meaning?'

'Meaning, I know Malfoy.'  
  
Malfoy started to reply when they were interrupted by Ron, who flashed Malfoy a glare of pure hatred and turned to talk to Harry.  
  
'Hey mate, I've bought you your robes to change into as we're nearly there,' Ron gave Harry a half smile as if waiting for Harry's approval. Harry saw this and smiled back, which allowed Ron to relax. 'I'll leave you to get changed then,' and Ron left.  
  
Harry suddenly felt very alone, he noticed Malfoy had left and now what with Ron gone. 'What is the matter with me? Jesus, I have a serious problem and so does Malfoy. Why did he come and join me in this compartment? The problem is painted all over his face; it might as well say 'I have a problem'. I know about it but at the same time I don't,' thought a very confused Harry. He lifted his head and looked from his robes to out of the window where he first saw the jet black sky, dotted with millions of silvery stars, with a crescent moon hanging perfectly in the centre over the mountains, casting long intricate shadows which fell on an illuminated Hogwarts which came into view perched by the lake as usual. All the windows alight with a welcoming glow, 'Home,' Harry muttered with more feeling than he had done earlier on.  
  
Harry started to change and discovered the tattoos he had, had done a few days previously, he studied them. They were in his eyes very descriptive of how he was feeling at the moment and so were considered very acceptable. Although he didn't know how Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore or Mrs Weasley would react if they saw them. 'Well its too late now, I like them and that's all that matters.'

00000  
  
Harry walked into the Great Hall in a daze, it was all happening – it just happened while he was unable to prevent it – the events, events of the past, present and future. Sometimes it took a while to happen, sometimes it happened so quickly, Harry couldn't keep track. Like now, it felt as if he had been sat down at the Griffindor table for five seconds, the continuous clapping had become accustomed to his ears and he didn't even know he was joining in. Clap, clap, clap mingled with the occasional shout of either 'Griffindor', 'Ravenclaw', 'Slytherin', or 'Hufflepuff', and before he knew it, Dumbledore rose from his seat.  
  
'Welcome back to another year at Hogwarts and I hope you will find this year as productive and informative as the previous years, enabling you to fill at the moment your extremely empty minds.' Dumbledore smiled. 'Well, enough said for now, let the feast begin.' Dumbledore raised his hands and platters upon platters of food lined each of the four tables.

00000  
  
Harry looked at the food, the rich, juicy, scrumptious, mouth watering food that lay before him, ready for him to reach out and consume but he couldn't. He was now so used to having things taken from him that it didn't seem right to take up the food that just sat there.  
  
'Arry,' Ron muttered through a mouthful of roast potato, carrots and gravy. 'Pass...peas,' Ron swallowed 'please.' Ron didn't even take a glance at Harry's empty plate; it was Hermione who first ventured to say something to Harry.  
  
'Uh, Harry? Why aren't you eating?' She asked.

'Hmmm?' Harry said, coming out of his day dream. 'Sorry Hermione...?' But she didn't have to repeat her sentence for Harry to know what she said; he just looked down at his plate. 'Oh, um, not hungry.'

'But you haven't eaten a thing...' Hermione looked at Harry half with worry and half with exasperation. Harry picked up one of the mint humbugs and placed it in his mouth and gave Ron and Hermione a weak smile. Harry saw that neither was impressed and Harry sighed very deeply.  
  
'Please mate, eat a little.' Ron pleaded, so Harry layered some food on his plate and began to take very small bites of each food. Each bite tasted nicer, the more he took the juicier the food was but the more he ate, the more he felt sick. He knew to take it a little bit at a time.  
  
'What am I doing? I've been deprived of food for six weeks, how do I expect my body to react?' Harry wondered.

00000  
  
Soon the feast was over; Harry's plate left basically untouched, the only major difference was that the food on his plate now resembled a person's face, if that is possible with food. Ron and Hermione looked at Harry but didn't say anything; they knew it would make no difference.  
  
Dumbledore rose once again. 'Now that you are all full and hopefully content, I have a few things to say. As you all know, or should know the Forbidden Forest is well, forbidden and that there is to be no magic in the corridors, so please collaborate with Mr Filch, our caretaker.' At this there was an uproar of laughter from the older students. Dumbledore gave a quick, small smile. 'Yes, well anyway, on a more important note I must ask you as my pupils to cooperate with the teachers as much as possible and to not give them too much grief. As finally the Minister and Ministry of Magic have acknowledged the return of Lord Voldermort,' there were gasps and shudders at the mention of Lord Voldermort made by both teachers and pupils, which Dumbledore chose to ignore and continued. 'We are kept very busy with the welfare of you and so would be very grateful for your cooperation. That is all for now, so off to bed.'  
  
There was a scramble as people began to stand up to leave the hall, along with the shouts from prefects directing the first years from their various houses. Harry ignored his prefect duties and walked with the crowd out of the Great Hall. He shouted to Ron over the babble of students, 'I'll see you later!' Ron looked at him questioningly and Harry mouthed 'Dumbledore,' Ron gave a nod as Harry turned right and headed up the stairs to Dumbledore's office.

Well thats the next chapter. I'm back from holiday now and fully relaxed. Thanks to my reviewers from the previous two.I'm really bad at this kinda thing as you can probably see/read!!! I could really use some ideas, for the next few chapters, i have ideas for later on but not for the near future, so some help would be gratefully received, please please.

Lelimo


	4. Dumbledore's News

Hey!!! Here's another chapter for you all. Thanks to my reviewers: Slasherbabe, Charlie-Potter1, Anime Flame, Chibi-NarutoKawaii, FredandGeorgeRmine, pure-darkness-500, VoldemortsVeela, Sparrow Greenleaf, please keep reviewing, or review if you haven't. It isn't a sin to review you know!!!!

Chapter Three – Dumbledore's News

Up, up, up the stairs continued to the fourth floor where the gargoyle that led to Dumbledore's office stood. There was a continuous resounding noise of thump, thump, thump, pound, pound, pound of his feet on the hard, grey, unforgiving concrete. Nothing could change this sound, it would follow him everywhere, and it would always appear as long as he kept on walking whether he liked it or not.

'What am I letting myself in for?' Harry thought with bad grace. 'Everything from now on will be different, my present will affect my future but unfortunately nothing can change my bloody past.' Harry shook his head and came to an abrupt halt only to realise he had passed the gargoyle.

0000

Harry positioned himself in front of the gargoyle taking in each part of it piece by piece, curve by curve, feature by feature and detail by detail. As he stood there knowing that the gargoyle there in front of him was real, solid and complete, it all seemed so unreal that it was almost a dream.

Then slowly without saying anything, the gargoyle began to move round and round. (AN I know it does this in the film but does this actually happen in the books? I wasn't sure) Harry stepped onto the rotating stairs which lifted him up towards Dumbledore's office.

'Why me? Why was I the one? What happened to make me special? Yes, I was marked by Voldermort as his equal but why did it come to this? Why can't I just be a fucking normal boy with as fucking normal family as I can get and a fucking normal life? Is that too much to ask?' Harry considered as he turned round and round in a never ending spiral.

00000

Just as Harry reached the door and brought his hand up to knock he heard a very precise and clear, 'Come in,' from inside.

'He really does know everything,' Harry thought, he shook his head and walked in.

Harry found Dumbledore sitting behind his desk with Fawkes perched on his shoulder – Fawkes was tunefully singing his eerie song. Dumbledore smiled at Harry, his eyes twinkling and indicated for him to sit on the seat nearest him. Harry started towards the chair but faltered and twisted slowly on the spot, taking in the room. It hadn't changed much since he'd been in here last; he saw the walls plastered with the portraits of the old headmasters all looking eagerly at him. The piles upon piles of books, some in English, some in very weird, illegible languages and some with absolutely no indication of words. Then of course there were the silver instruments that lined the floors and scattered tables and then back to Dumbledore himself, who was still smiling at Harry.

'This is so weird, yet it's perfectly normal and it's what I know,' Harry thought and then he sat himself down content for now.

'Satisfied?' Asked Dumbledore kindly.

Harry gave him a weak smile and a muttered 'yes.'

'Good, now I'm not going to bother dancing around the point anymore, I saw what that did to you last year.'

'Aren't you the bloody smart arse,' Harry thought.

Dumbledore coughed, 'if I may continue...... You are going to have some very intense and hard training this year – so extra Defence Against The Dark Arts, Potions and Occlumency lessons will be required.' Dumbledore paused and Harry jumped in with a question,

'Are all these lessons going to be with Snape?!'

'Harry, as I have told you before, it's Professor Snape and no they won't all be with Professor Snape,' Dumbledore said calmly, while enunciating the 'professor' part of the sentence.

'Oh,' said Harry rather embarrassed.

'Professor Snape will be tutoring you on extra potions of course, and I have decided that I will be teaching you Occlumency because it is obvious that old grudges do not die as easily as I'd hoped. As for the extra Defence Against The Dark Arts you will have another teacher, surprise, surprise, and he is a friend of mine as well as yours.' Harry looked at Dumbledore questionably. 'He now goes by the name of Professor Remus Lupin.'

'Really? Is he here? When do I get to see him again?' And for the first time in a very long time there was a genuine smile on Harry's face.

Dumbledore chuckled, 'I'm afraid not Harry, he does not arrive for another two days, so all Defence Against The Dark Arts lessons shall be cancelled until he is here.' Harry sighed a contented sigh. 'Why the sigh?' Dumbledore asked.

Harry glanced at Professor Dumbledore with a guilty look playing on his face. 'It's just...um...well...to do with the third year.' Harry cleared his throat. 'Um...Sn...sorry, Professor Snape...took Defence Against The Dark Arts...bad...wasn't good.' Harry's stammering came to a standstill and cautiously looked at Professor Dumbledore, who had his fingers pressed tightly together and was looking at them with what looked like utter concentration, almost as if he were trying to out stare them.

Only then did Harry realise the Dumbledore had begun to speak. 'Yes Harry, I realise now it was a mistake and as you can see I am not going along that path again. Anyway back to more pressing business, you. I can gather that because you are a) not stupid and b) not blind or deaf that you know this is in preparation fro an almost certain war against Lord Voldemort, which according to my sources shall be possibly either at the end of this academic year or more likely during your seventh year at Hogwarts. I do not have anymore information that will possibly aid you in this coming term to do with Voldemort and I am truly sorry about that. However, if anything comes to light, you shall be the first to know about it but now to your extra training. Professor Snape has, how should I say this?' He paused of a moment. 'Reluctantly.' Harry laughed coldly. 'Agreed to teach you extra potions once a fortnight on a Wednesday evening from 8.30 – 10pm and he has told me to tell you this that if you can't make then you can forget it, those were his exact words I believe. Does this fit in with any other weekly school activities that you do?' Dumbledore enquired.

'Yes...well, seeing as the only 'school activity' I really participate in is Quidditch, and as I don't know when training will be nor if I'm still allowed to play......' Harry trailed off with a look of hope directed at Dumbledore.

'Ah, yes, the infamous ban, which of course is lifted. Don't you worry about that. Moving on, Occlumency lessons shall take place once a week, here in my office on a......shall we say, Thursday evening – I think after dinner, you'd probably concentrate more on a full stomach rather than an empty one......yes, that would be better. So from 8 – 9, yes that all works for me, you Harry?'

Harry just nodded his head in a very bemused way, as he had really just witnessed his headmaster, teacher, friend, guardian and sort of parent have a conversation with himself as if it were a perfectly normal thing to do.

'He really is amazing,' Harry thought to himself. 'Sometimes annoyingly frustrating but still bloody amazing.'

Dumbledore continued, 'The Defence Against The Dark Arts, and the training part of it.'

'Training?!' Harry interrupted.

'Yes training, combat training, martial arts, kick boxing, kung fu, all that type of training shall be on a Sunday afternoon between 2.30 and 6.30 with Professor Lupin. Then the magic side to this subject shall take place on a Monday afternoon after lunch until 5pm and then after dinner from 8 – 10pm. The magic Professor Lupin is going to teach you, is not taught at Hogwarts and I have to gain special permission to do this, so I would be grateful if you do not go around showing you new skills to others, not even Ms Granger, Mr Weasley or anyone else that may cross you path.' Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and then he sighed and was about to speak when Harry started.

'Um, Sir, what about lessons on a Monday after lunch, surely......?'

'Yes, on a Monday afternoon you would normally be having lessons, Divination to be precise but I have said to the other teachers and they agree that it would be best for you to give up this subject entirely. I hope that you do not object?' Dumbledore questioned.

'Oh no,' sighed a relieved Harry.

'And with the spare time, you shall be able to catch up on homework and such in the library or the Griffindor Common Room.' Dumbledore continued.

Harry sat there quietly watching Dumbledore from across the desk, looking at the old man but ever so suddenly his object looked back at him, straight in the eye and said, 'Any questions?'

'Any, any questions?' Harry thought. 'That's all he can say......any questions, fucking hell, he's just laid this down on me, with no offers of help or real explanation and that's all he can say. The frustrating old bugger.'

'Um, no sir I believe I understand all of that,' Harry answered quietly.

'Good, good. This will all commence as of next week, so today is Wednesday and so Sunday shall be your first training, Monday your first Defence Against The Dark Arts, Wednesday first Potions and then Thursday – Occlumency. Good......good, well Harry I think I shall say good night now, thank you for being patient and listening to me for goodness, almost two and a half hours.'

Harry stood up to leave, and was half way to the door when Dumbledore mentioned, 'Sorry Harry, just two more things.' Harry turned slowly on the spot. 'I'm very sorry about Sirius, I wish I could have helped you but I believe it was something that you had to deal with by yourself and my annoying you constantly and pestering you about how you were probably would have only aggravated you more. I am very sorry.' Dumbledore finished.

Harry was gob smacked and he didn't know the real reason why. 'Thank you sir,' Harry managed to mutter. 'Um, and the other thing?'

'Oh yes, I do not know if you know Harry but Hogwarts and it's teachers do not really tolerate what I believe the muggles call tattoos or body art. For myself, I find them rather an interesting study with such intricate designs and amazing patterns that they can create. Anyway, hmmm but please make sure you cover them up as much as possible when in class, other teachers as I have mentioned may not endure them as well as I do. Goodnight Harry.'

'Goodnight Sir.' Harry replied as he went out of Dumbledore's office with a smirk settled happily on his lips.

Well there's the next chapter. I've got another two to post soon, more encounters of Harry and Draco, it's gonna seem a little slow for a while but I've got something good for around Chapters 8-9. So you'll have to wait and see. Please R/R. It really helps and any criticism you have or any ideas would be great. Thanks, Lelimo.


	5. The Beginning of it All

Sorry. Have been away on holiday, I'm going back to school on Monday, SIXTH FORM and have had serious writers block but I know have ideas and the beginning of what will hopefully be a good story, crosses fingers. Hope you like. Lelimo.

Chapter Four – The Beginning of it All

'Harry! Harry! Come on Harry, wake up!'

Harry felt someone pushing him from the left side of his bed, so he rolled over to the right to move himself away from the annoying person.

'Harry. Come on. You've missed breakfast and it's only ten minutes till lessons start.'

Harry heard someone rustling a piece of paper, 'and you have transfiguration first, you know what McGonagall is like on the first lesson.'

Harry slowly opened his eyes to see Neville looking down on him with his permanent look of worry in his beady blue eyes. Harry slowly started to remove his bed covers from under his chin when he remembered his cuts, bruises and tattoos, so he jerked them back under his chin as fast as possible. And what with Neville being Neville didn't notice anything unusual.

'Ok, thanks Neville. I shall be along in a minute, just let me get dressed.' Harry replied sleepily.

'Oh, ok, yes, well, I'll, um, shall I wait for you in the common room?' Neville managed to stutter while heading for the door.

'Nah, it's fine. I'll see you there.' And Neville was gone.

Harry sighed as he stepped out of bed to check his scars. It had now been about 8 days since his very last beating from Uncle Vernon and it was his very last, he would never go back to Privet Drive even though his life depended on it. The wounds were healing slowly but he'd always have the scars, he could probably get Hermione to get rid of them with a spell, but for some twisted reason he wanted them as a reminder of what never to do to another human being. Even though the majority of the bruises had gone Harry could probably pin point where each one had been.

Harry shook his head, he couldn't think of that now, he had to concentrate on getting through the day. Harry checked his timetable – Transfiguration and Charms this morning and nothing this afternoon because he normally would have had Divination but thankfully that had been cancelled for him. Harry then shoved the timetable into his bag as he raced from his dormitory to transfiguration.

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The morning came and went, Harry exchanged as few as words as possible with Hermione and Ron. He just wasn't in the mood, especially with the worried looks that came from Hermione and the stutters that Ron gave as he tried to think of something to say but failed.

Now Harry was sitting at the Griffindor table in the Great Hall staring down at his plate thinking about the morning and the lack of communication and reason for it. When Harry felt a pair of eyes fix themselves upon him from the other side of the room and a million and one thoughts went rushing through his mind.

'Who is it? That direction indicates that's it's either a person from the Slytherin or Ravenclaw table. Now what the fuck are they doing looking at me? What bloody right do they have to do so? And another, why are they looking at me? What makes them want to look at me? Or more probably I am going psycho and there is no one looking at me, and I'm just a twisted, self absorbed person that I'm sure most people think I am. Bloody hell it's only the first day of school I still have 9 months to go. Shit, bugger, fuck is all I feel like saying now. Next thing you know I'll be talking to myself out loud and that'll give them all something to talk about.'

Harry paused in his thoughts, only to think one more thing, 'I'm going to lift up my eyes and look across the room.' It took Harry another 3 minutes to do what he thought and when he did, he realised he wasn't 'psychotic' and that there was someone staring at him. When he saw who that person was all Harry could think to do was to get up and leave the Great Hall abruptly, much to the surprise of his friends.

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As Harry didn't have lessons now he headed to the library, which he knew would be practically deserted. Harry couldn't get out of his mind the face he'd seen across the Hall and he had to have a clear mind continuously because he didn't want anyone to think there was anything wrong.

Harry took a book called 'Handy Curses and Counter Curses' by I.B. Cursed off the shelf. It was the best thing he had to do for now, also it was the closest book within his arms reach. There was also no homework as the teachers had been lenient today, seeing as it was the first day of school and all that. The book turned out to be more interesting than he first thought and kept Harry busy, 45 minutes busier than he had intended to be.

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Harry had been wandering randomly through the school for about 15 minutes when he heard a noise to the right and it was coming from a classroom. Harry stepped closer to the door and pressed his ear to it after checking that there was no one coming down the corridor. He could hear crashes of chairs against tables and walls and tables against tables. It was only when something hit the door making Harry jump about half a foot in the air that he decided to go in. Harry took a deep breath and opened the door with a great push to find a very disturbed and untidy room. He looked for the person who was the cause of this disarrangement half expecting it to be Peeves but he didn't have to look very far to see Malfoy sitting on the only right way round table.

'Yes Potter,' Malfoy said maliciously.

'I heard a noise,' Harry replied while starting to move closer to Malfoy.

'Well you should definitely win the prize for stating the obvious,' Malfoy spat back.

'Thank you very much, but I don't just notice the obvious you know.'

'And what's that supposed to mean? Do you always talk in riddles or is that just a habit of stupid people, such as yourself?' Malfoy muttered.

'I don't and if you knew me better then you'd understand me but seeing as we're not exactly the best of friends then I doubt that you'll ever understand and that's a fact, it's life.' Harry turned his head in Malfoys direction.

'It's fine by me. Why would I want to know someone whose head is so far up his own arse it must be breaking his back?' Malfoy smirked at Harry, the trademark smirk that everyone in the school knew.

'Think what you like. If you're gonna be a stroppy three year old, I'm going to leave.' Harry stood up to leave but Malfoy reached up his hand and held onto the back of Harry's black T-shirt tearing it to about half way up Harry's back while pulling it down exposing his back almost completely. Harry knew what Malfoy could see, but he didn't speak he just pulled away.

'What.........What are those?' Malfoy asked slowly.

'What do you bloody think they are? Soft cuddly toys? Yes Malfoy, they are tattoos and yes Harry James Potter, Golden Boy; part of Dumbledore's Golden Trio has tattoos. That all right by you? Got the Malfoy seal of approval?' And with that Harry walked towards the door wanting to get as far away from Malfoy as possible. Much to Harry's dismay it didn't work, he heard Malfoy's running footsteps behind him.

'Potter, it was a letter from my Father with some news for me.' Harry turned to face Malfoy who was looking down at the ground. 'Some news, that I don't want made public that I don't want anyone to know, something I have to handle on my own, you know?'

'Yeah I know. Things kept within are sometimes for the best and then it's sometimes better to share, but which one to do is your decision, neither is wrong.' Harry turned and headed off back to Griffindor Tower to find Ron and Hermione.

'It wasn't just tattoos I saw Potter!' Malfoy shouted after Harry, but Harry just kept walking.

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'Harry?'

'Yes?!' Harry snapped back.

'Um, well......er......never mind.'

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5 minutes later

'Harry?'

'What?!' Harry replied in the same tone.

'You should really eat something, it can't be good for you.'

'How do you know what's good for me?'

It was dinner time and so far each piece of food had moved round his plate in a full circle clockwise and now Harry was going anti-clockwise. He had Ron and Hermione at him almost every 5-6 minutes trying to do something about him but Harry introducing the wonder of selective hearing and of course being stubborn Harry wasn't really listening. Of course he had eaten a few mouthfuls to please them but if he ate much more then he would probably be sick.

'This is pointless,' Harry shouted inside his head. So he stopped and started to look round the room at the people that he was living a major part of his life with.

Firstly there were the people around him, on the Griffindor table, his friends, his closest friends, best friends resided on this table right now and at the moment they felt the furthest from him, they didn't know of the new Harry. The one person who had possibly caught a glimpse of this new guy was his arch enemy and sitting furthest away from him. Harry's eyes darted up to search the Slytherin table for the blonde haired with the grey-silver coloured eyes boy. Harry knew there was more to Malfoy, something underneath that shell of skin. Harry found him and guess what, he was surrounded by his 'dogs' as Harry had called them but Malfoy wasn't smiling, laughing or even smirking as per usual. It looked as if the words were gliding over Malfoy's head and there was no sign of him even recollecting that he had heard them. Harry quizzed on this point for a while but then decided to move on, the teachers table.

The elongated table that stretched across the room, with the chatting teachers and burning candles. Professor Flitwick, Professor Spout, Madame Hooch, a space –Professor R.J Lupin would soon be filling that, his friends and the closest thing he had to a Father, coming here to Hogwarts for the second time in just a few days. Next, Snape, oddly quiet and pensive, with a look of annoyance that said plainly to Harry that he was asking himself why pupils exist, why happiness exists and what on bloody earth was he doing here in the middle of it. Harry smiled a small smile at the thought of entering into Severus Snape's mind yet again. Then Professor McGonagall, Head of his House, teacher, nearly a sympathetic friends but not quite. Then, finally Professor Albus Dumbledore, Harry only paused here for a second, there was no need to look any longer – there's only one word to sum him up but Harry wasn't quite sure of what that was yet. Then finally at the end, Hagrid. Another great and amazing friend, one he would never replace or even think about doing so. A priceless friend – much like Hermione and Ron – which was obvious to Harry to never consider changing that.

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'The flame consists of one, two, three, four, is that five? Well definitely four colours. The dancing, teasing, tempting fire playing in front of my eyes.' Harry sat in the Griffindor Common Room thinking and wondering about life, the universe and everything and why it all happens. He had managed to get Ron and Hermione off his back finally, promising them he would lighten up, but no, he wasn't tired yet and no not hungry. 'I do love them so much.' Harry began to fall asleep and dream.

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_He was there, in Hogwart's courtyard, circling the Whomping Willow and it had begun to snow, walking round and round it watching his footprints appear in the snow. Slowly they were joined by another pair, male probably, about a size smaller than Harry. Harry began to run round the tree trying to catch up with him and suddenly, they stopped, disappeared into thin air, they were to be no more, to not exist. Harry looked up, tears blurring almost blinding his eyes but allowing him to see the outline of the black figure standing at the entrance to the school watching him._

_Harry tried to move towards him but the chains around his ankles and wrists prevented that, then down it came, whip after whip. Now there was no snow, no tree, no Hogwarts, no boy, no nothing except for the continuous whipping that came with the continuous darkness._

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Harry shifted in his seat in the Common Room not waking up but trying to get unconsciously comfortable. The wounds and scars on his back were screaming out in silent pain, while Harry fell into a now dreamless and deep sleep.

Hey!!! The next chapter please r/r. I'm very sorry for not updating sooner. It was very bad of me but please click the go button and give me a review, pretty, pretty please. The next chapter will be up quicker I promise!!


	6. Reflections

Hey everyone! I'm very sorry that I haven't updated sooner, it was very bad of me. But I'm in the first few weeks of sixth form and it's very very hectic. But I'm going to try one chapter per week until i finish it. We'll see, hope you enjoy this one.

Chapter Five – Reflections

The rest of the week had gone much to Harry's dismay and annoyance not to any sort of plan. The majority of his newest wounds had managed to open themselves due to the continuous movement he was enduring and the stress and strain of work, the weight of his schoolbag and of course Ron and Hermione.

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'Tomorrow's Sunday. Do you realise that I'll see Remus tomorrow?' Harry asked Ron.

Ron looked up at him, 'What? Oh yeah, you will, can I come along I want to know if he's heard anything, like anything to do with...' Ron looked around him, 'you know, with well you know.'

Harry nodded and chuckled, Ron always had to go around things the long way but he replied 'yeah I know what you mean.'

'Would you guys please just shut up, some of us are trying to sleep here and I'm sure I speak for the rest of us,' muttered a very sleepy Seamus.

'Well said Seamus,' said Dean and they only got snores from Neville. 'That says it all I think, now go to sleep,' Dean continued after Neville's snores had subsided a little.

Harry glanced at Ron through the gap in his curtains, 'We'll talk tomorrow.'

'Ok, night Harry.'

'Night.'

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It was breakfast the next day that Harry received the first sign of the beginning of his new life at Hogwarts.

A letter, which read:

Dear Harry,

How are you? I would like you to know that today will be your first training session and today we'll be concentrating on some general fitness, nothing too specific or strenuous! I'd like you to come to The Room of Requirement at 2.15pm. Can't wait to see you. Thank you.

See you soon,

Kind regards

Remus

Harry showed his letter to Ron and Hermione and they both muttered approvals, as in Ron's case it was all he could do as he was busy stuffing his face and Hermione was busy reading a book about the conjunction of the physical properties of certain herbal potions. These muttered approvals came through mouthfuls of the both of them, which Harry could hardly bare to look at, let alone even consider eating food himself. He had tried to eat but he just couldn't, it didn't feel right anymore. Ron and Hermione had already given up on Harry when it came to food; they weren't getting through to Harry and in Harry's opinion and this were perfectly fine by him.

'It's all so false. They've given up on pestering me about food already and it's only Sunday, that's 4 days, 4 bloody days. 12 bloody meals, is that all I can expect from them, yes it is nice to have them off my back I suppose. And why cant they see what's happening right in front of them? Also am I being too harsh, I suppose I don't really talk to them much anymore......' Harry wondered to himself.

'Harry mate?' Ron disturbed his thoughts.

'Yeah Ron?'

'Um......Hermione and I are going to the library, she's gonna help me with my Divination essay, we'll see you soon. Unless of course you want to come too?' Ron asked.

Harry looked at them both, shook his head and whispered 'No.' So Harry got up and left the Great Hall, alone.

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The corridor was dark as sat opposite to the entrance of where The Room of Requirement would be, he took a quick glance at the tapestry above him, when he heard a voice.

'Harry?'

Harry leaped up and threw himself at Lupin, while shouting 'Remus!'

'Whoa, it's good to see you too Harry,' Remus looked behind him before pulling Harry into a tight hug. 'Come on lets go inside.'

Harry followed Remus into the room and saw cushions piled upon cushions, then there were shelves full of books all about the different types of fighting and also there were loads of aids to help Harry to learn the different types of fighting. For example, mats, punch bags, boards, swords, karate sticks and clothes.

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By 5.30pm Harry had really been put through his paces, listening to Remus' instructions and following them as close to perfect as he could get them, as to not let Remus down, at their first session especially. The wounds on his back were open and all Harry could do was ignore the pain that was searing through his back, he had to do this, for Remus, for Dumbledore, for the entire wizarding world and mostly for himself.

'Punch, punch, arm in, wrist strong, elbow and hand in a straight line,' Harry thought. He didn't hear anything else, he had almost become deaf due to his concentration, he didn't hear the words of encouragement from Lupin, he didn't feel anything else, not the excruciating pain he was in, from the work he had given but also of course from the cuts and wounds. Harry wouldn't have stopped if Lupin hadn't grabbed hold of his wrists and prevented him from doing anymore damage to the punch bag or more importantly himself.

'Well I think we can safely say you've perfected the art of punching.' Remus joked but as he saw the stony expression on Harry's face, he continued in a more serious tone. 'It was a good start Harry, I'm impressed. Now I want you to follow the fitness program I've set you, please do it once a day. Well that's it, we'll finish early today, ok?' Harry didn't say anything, his thoughts were very concentrated. 'Well...um...see you tomorrow and Harry......it's good to see you again.'

Harry turned to Lupin, smiled and then walked from the room calling back, 'It's great to see too!'

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The problem was that Lupin didn't know what was going on in Harry's head. How he had thought of the punch bag as his Uncle Vernon and how he was going to be able to get his own back.

'It's funny to think how not just the words punch, punch, arm in, wrist strong, elbow and hand in a straight line weren't the only ones in my head. I think it was more like 'kill him, punch, punch, arm in, blow is then stronger, wrist strong then there's more chance of breaking his nose or doing worse damage, elbow and arm in straight line so more power, so more chance of knocking him out', it's funny......' Harry thought bitterly.

'What's funny?' A voice asked from behind Harry. Harry turned with a fake smile plastered across his face. 'Did I say that out loud?' He thought while saying, 'Hey Ron, what you doing here?'

'Mione gave me a break. So I thought I'd come and see you train but Lupin said you'd gone as you had both finished early.' Ron paused and took a cautious glance at Harry. 'He also said you seemed upset at the end...' Ron stopped abruptly.

'I'm fine.' Harry said shortly. 'This is so not what I need.'

'Ok, no need to be so blunt. I'll see you later then.' Ron turned and started to walk back in the direction of the library.

'Ron! I'm sorry!' Harry shouted.

'See you later!' He replied as if nothing had happened.

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The date is Friday 10th September, the time is about 11.30 at night and the place is Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Gryffindor Tower, Gryffindor Common Room, a chair 2 feet from the fireplace, this is where Harry Potter sat, reflecting about the past week.

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The magic side to Defence Against The Dark Arts had been a disaster, what with Harry not being able to focus on the task in hand because of the fact that when he was near Remus, Harry was distinctly reminder of Sirius. The thoughts in his head didn't allow Harry to perform the simplest spells that he had been able to do when against wizards like Voldemort, Lucius Malfoy and other deatheaters.

He had then been fighting for his life, now he was only fighting to gain control of the situation but he knew that, that wasn't just what he had to get control of. There was also his feelings, his life and mainly himself in general and so with this all going through his head all of Monday's work had been pointless. Remus had been very patient with him the whole time, going over and recapping on the simplest of duelling spells, helpful spells, healing spells and of course his patronus. However, Remus being Remus couldn't let the obvious problems Harry was having slide and so had checked with him every 8 minutes whether he was tired or ill or generally down. Then Harry being Harry had replied that no he wasn't tired, ill or generally down to which Remus had given him a sceptical look but had left it until 8 minutes later.

Remus finally said goodnight at 10pm but not without one more word to Harry, which was:

'Harry, don't ever forget I'm here to talk to. I'm not very good with the whole parenting thing but I want to try my best for you, for Sirius, for James and for Lily.'

That amounted to 2 sentences (34 words) but to Harry that didn't matter, what mattered was that Remus was there for him even though he was being an ungrateful teenager. After Remus had finished his 34 words, Harry was speechless with gratitude and so overjoyed that he hugged Remus within an inch of his life.

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Potions. Potions, very, very laughable in Harry's opinion. Potions itself was relatively difficult but with Snape, that just made it impossible. Snape, the infamous Potions Master and hater of students unless of course they belonged in the supposedly 'all mighty and wonderful' Slytherin.

Snape managed to make this first extra lesson a nightmare beyond all nightmares.

'He definitely hides the fact that he absolutely hates me,' Harry rolled his eyes at the irony and chuckled.

He walked into the dungeons to find Snape waiting for him behind his desk.

'Right Potter, here's a list of potions we will be making up, none of them made at Hogwarts in classes. Along with making the potions you shall write an account of the properties of the potion, what stages it goes through in the making process and what each ingredient does to the potion at the stage where it's added. I don't expect any slacking, you understand me Potter? These are highly dangerous potions and if they go wrong, goodness knows what could bloody happen. And I expect each account in by the time the potion is finished correctly and bottled. Is that clear Potter?' Snape took a menacing step towards Harry. Harry nodded mutely, while thinking, 'crystal.'

'Very well, now you can start to work on the first potion on the list, it's nothing too difficult, I think that even you Potter will manage to brew this one. Ingredients in the cupboard, here's a key, you tell no one, you bloody well better hear me Potter, tell no one. Also here's a letter for you to give Madame Pince because you will need to retrieve books from the restricted section.'

Snape walked away and Harry watched him go but before he opened the door, he paused and spitefully said, 'Don't let me down Potter,' and with that he left.

That's when Harry's nightmare became reality, he was being ignored. Left. Deserted. Even if it was by Snape, it was still his worst fear, but he turned to the parchment to distract himself and looked at the first potion on the list – Reparium – a potion to heal cuts and minor wounds.

'Oh the irony of it!' Harry thought indignantly.

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Everything over the past week was, in Harry's opinion justifiably a joke. His whole week and at the moment his life was getting near to that too. Just before he reached Dumbledore's office for Occlumency lessons he was having thoughts about how Ron's hair caught the sun when they were in the Charms room this morning, he was watching how it glistened that he didn't realise that Professor Flitwick was standing right next to him shouting in his ear to tell him to please stop charming Neville's toad to tap dance. Harry had turned the colour of Ron's hair and had earned himself smirks from the Slytherins.

These really weren't the kind of thoughts he needed going round his head when he was about to face Albus Dumbledore. His mind was supposed to be clear.

'Yeah right!' Harry muttered to himself as he walked into Dumbledore's office.

'Good evening Harry.'

'Professor Dumbledore,' Harry replied curtly.

'Well lets start, I think that would be best. Yes, best not to think about these things, eh Harry?' Dumbledore laughed at his small attempt of a joke. Harry smiled back weakly, in fact you couldn't really call it a smile, it was more of a twitch.

'Ready, three, two, one – legilimens!'

'Protego!' He performed the same trick on Dumbledore that he had on Snape a year ago. This was because it was at this moment he realised he couldn't let Dumbledore into his mind, he wasn't ready for Dumbledore to know what had happened to him over the summer, or even today.

Dumbledore stumbled backwards a little and eyed Harry through his half-moon spectacles with deep suspicion. Harry felt those eyes looking into his soul searching for an answer to an unspoken question. Dumbledore then broke the silence, 'Well that certainly was a surprise Harry, it was quite impressive but I have to say that I wouldn't always rely on that method of defence.'

Harry looked to the floor and then brought his head up to meet Dumbledore's eyes. 'Yes Professor,' he muttered.

'Now I would like you to research other methods of defence for when someone could penetrate your mind, a list will do and we'll see if we can tackle some of them next week. That'll be all Harry, you're obviously tired, now head off to bed.'

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That had been the start of it all and there was so much more to happen in the distant and near future, Harry knew that and this is how it would continue. Harry stood up only to feel dizzy and fall back into the chair. His head was pounding, his back was aching terribly and all the wounds were screaming a silent plea to him to sit. Harry ignored all of this and pulled himself from the chair, when the portrait opened and in walked a bright eyed, bushy haired Hermione, followed by a gormless and tired looking Ron.

'Harry! You're up!' Hermione exclaimed in surprise, while Ron walked on past them, heading to the boys dormitories, without any recognition that he'd seen Harry.

Harry didn't say anything about this but sneaked a glance at Hermione, who was half scowling at him. Then he replied, 'Yeah, just heading to bed, library?' He smiled.

Hermione didn't reply, she just nodded and made her way to the girl's stairs to go to bed.

'Hermione!' She turned around and Harry held her shoulders, to make her face him looking into her chocolate coloured eyes, he gave her a kiss on the forehead and whispered, 'Night.' Harry then made for his bed, to try for a restless sleep.

Well, that's the next installment. I don't think that chapter's particularly good, can I please have your views on it, so r/r please please please, you know that you want to..... It's good to review, honest! Thanks, Lelimo.


	7. Prefect Duty

Hey there everyone! I am dedicating this to all my reviewers, who are: Sparrow Greenleaf, Voldemorts Veela, pure-darkness-500, FredandGeorgeRmine, Chibi-NarutoKawaii, Anime-Flame, Houshi no Hanyai Sei, Shiny-misS, Charlie-potter1, CinderBrat, Kristi-lee, blackdragonofdeath and to say thank you to the people who have added me to their favourite author links and to the people who have put me on author alert. Also as it was pointed out to me from my last chapter, there hasn't recently been lots of Draco/Harry action, sorry about that, this has taken a while to get into, I need people to know Harry before I can go into that relationship, but I promise that in the next few chapters there is A LOT more Harry/Draco action. Here's Chapter Six…

Chapter Six – Prefect Duty

The next few weeks continued very much like this for Harry and so therefore he had become more agitated and angry. This had then led to him officially giving up on eating; it just got in the way and took up valuable time that he could be using for his extra subjects (i.e. potions, occlumency and defence against the dark arts). However, he did have the odd bit of bread and a glass of pumpkin juice now and again, just to keep his strength up. Hermione and Ron tried to talk to him but nothing ever came of it, as he was being as stubborn as James or Sirius would have been, you could tell they'd rubbed off on him.

Remus had approached him about it but he had just let Remus' words wash over him, Harry felt he didn't need that kind of talk now. Although he thought that the muscles he was developing would lead people to leave him he alone and lay off him about eating he hoped. All the wounds on his back were healing nicely, the training wasn't opening them anymore as his body had gotten used to this new exercise but some still left scars but nothing too major.

0000

So far it had been an ordinary Saturday morning until Katie Bell came running up to him shouting, 'I GOT IT HARRY, ME! MY LAST YEAR AND I GOT IT!'

'Got what Katie?' Harry enquired quite confused.

'Gryffindor Quidditch Captain!'

'Wow, that's brilliant, congratulations. That is, I don't know if I'm on the team….'

'What? Of course you are, we need you so we can kick some Slytherin arse. So first match versus Slytherin this Saturday, so training tomorrow – be there!'

Harry, Ron and Hermione all chuckled. Katie smiled back at them and started to walk away when Ron stopped her and began to say, 'What about…'

Katie interrupted him, 'Yes, we need you too Ron.'

Ron turned back to smile a very lop sided smile at Harry and Hermione, Hermione beamed back at him, her eyes glowing with pride and Harry gave him a small smile and a chuckle.

'_When are they going to realise they're meant for each other?_' He wondered.

0000

Later on that night Harry was alone in the boy's dormitory changing for bed when he was surprised as someone he hadn't expected barged in and therefore Harry didn't manage to cover up his back in time for the person not to see him.

'Harry! When? Why?' Ron shouted accusingly. Harry firstly thought he was talking about the scars and wounds but they weren't very noticeable anymore, so it must have been the tattoos that had caught Ron's attention, 'Well you can hardly miss them I suppose,' thought Harry.

'Because they're me,' Harry answered, but he hadn't finished and his voice became louder too, 'They're fucking well me, well all that's left anyway!' Ron looked slightly taken a back with the spitefulness of Harry's tone. However, that was the only answer Harry knew, they were him and that's all he could say, nothing else would express his feelings.

'So how many do you have?'

'Four. Ron, you wont tell anyone will you? Only Dumbledore and you know.' Harry didn't think it would be best to tell Ron about Malfoy, not now anyway.

Ron looked stunned, 'Me and Dumbledore? How…how?'

'You know Dumbledore, I didn't tell or show him, he just knew. There is also something else I think you should know……' Harry trailed off.

Ron looked quizzically at Harry, almost giving him the once over, (which gave Harry a weird sensation that travelled down his spine) to see if he could see any other tattoos Harry had failed to mention or possible piercings.

Harry liked the idea of Ron looking him up and down but said nothing until Ron broke the silence obviously having satisfied himself that it could be nothing too drastic.

'Oh how wrong he is,' Harry chuckled to himself.

'Go on, hit me with it.'

Harry laughed a high, cruel laugh that took Ron by surprise.

'I've waited for 2 months to tell you but now it's come to it I don't know if I can, but I must, I must. Bugger me, I think I'm beginning to sound like Dumbledore!'

'Well at least you don't sound like Malfoy!' Ron laughed thinking he'd made quite a good joke but Harry was silent, silently thinking.

'_Draco, the mysterious Draco Malfoy, who on the outside seems to me to be cold and calculating but I can see, I can see, he does have feelings, he does have a heart, I know he does_.'

Harry shook himself from his thoughts and blurted out, 'RonI'mgay.'

'Sorry Harry? Did you just say that, that……that you're…'

'That I'm gay, yes I did,' Harry repeated calmly.

'Oh.'

'Oh? That's all you've got to say?' Harry retorted, surprised while angry at the same time.

'Bloody hell Harry, do you realise this is a bit of a shock. I mean, I thought I knew you… I thought I knew everything about you, then this evening……these events. I think I'm going to go to sleep. Night.' Ron answered and pulled his bed hangings closed.

Harry sighed deeply. '_Great. Absolutely fucking fabulous, I knew I should have kept this to myself, I know I should have at least told Hermione first. I knew it. I thought he could handle it, he's going to hate me now, I bet he's homophobic – just my luck_.' Harry shook his head in disbelief, but he plucked up the courage to say to Ron, 'Well mate, I'm not standing in your way anymore, go after her, you know you want to.'

Ron heard Harry but didn't reply, smiles crept over both boys' faces – Ron's a big, cheesy grin, while Harry's was thin, more sombre and sad.

0000

The next morning however, took a different turn of events, Harry decided that he couldn't keep treating Ron and Hermione in the way that he had been over the past weeks, they wouldn't know about the trauma that he had suffered, but that was still no reason to take it out on them.

'_They are my best friends and have always been there for me over the past 6 years, so I really must lighten up._' Harry thought.

Harry then told Hermione what Ron had found out the previous night. All Hermione could do was grin and all she said to him when he told her was, 'I knew, I knew it,' over and over again.

Ron started to get hungry, so he headed to the portrait to leave the common room only to turn around and find Harry whispering into Hermione's ear, which caused her to shriek and giggle endlessly. When she calmed down she mentioned to Harry, 'Well I now know we both agree on something new and something that I thought we'd never agree on!'

'Hey! What's the joke?' Ron enquired.

'You sure you want to know Ron?' Harry asked. Ron nodded, so Harry continued, 'We were both agreeing on how gorgeous your hair looked today and how you have the most divine and cute arse!' And with that Harry and Hermione walked out of the common room leaving a stunned Ron standing open mouthed at the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room. He hadn't completely got used to the idea of Harry's 'news'.

0000

It was dinner time and Harry was sitting quietly at the Gryffindor table, not eating but content. He was half listening to Hermione and Ron bicker about S.P.E.W on his right side and the other half of him was thinking. He was thinking to himself again, 'this really is becoming a bad habit of mine, thinking and not eating, oh well, not much that I'm going to do about it.'

Dumbledore rose from his seat and the Hall became deadly quiet; you could hear a pin drop. 'I have an announcement directed at the School Prefects to say that your Prefect Duty shall now commence as of next week, you shall go round in pairs patrolling the school for any rule breakers,' Dumbledore cast a knowing look round the Great Hall, 'each pair,' he continued, 'will have their own night, all nights will be covered except for Sunday night, the night of rest for you all.'

Dumbledore started to read the pairs out, of who would be partnered with whom, Harry didn't hear much until Dumbledore said, 'Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy Tuesday night from 8-11pm. Now a warning to the rest of the school, these prefects have the power to deduct points if you are found wandering round the castle after hours. So be warned. Thank you that will be all. Please continue with the meal.'

Harry sat astounded, him and Draco Malfoy? He glanced over to the Slytherin table to try and spot Malfoy to see his reaction but not being able to see Malfoy after 5 minutes of searching Harry gave up and left the Great Hall. He left with, 'Me and Malfoy? Me and Malfoy? Me and arsehole? Me and Malfoy? Me and Mr I'm so terribly good looking, which I suppose he is. What? Did I just admit that? Man I am going crazy,' running through his head over and over again, as if he was a broken tape recorder.

0000

Harry was diving and diving fast, the wind rushing in his hair, the snitch was a few inches from his hand, the tips of his fingers were brushing its shiny, gold surface……when it changed direction with the wind and soared off to the right.

'Fuck. Damn,' Harry swore at himself.

'Oh dear Potter,' Harry turned to see Malfoy a few feet higher in the air, with a smirk plastered across his face. 'Loosing your touch?'

'Never Malfoy, never.' Then Harry saw it, the little golden ball fluttering by the back of the right hand side of Malfoy's head. He slowly moved further up to face Malfoy, his emerald green eyes darting between Malfoy's own silver grey orbs and the golden ball to the right. Harry continued to move forward, slowly Malfoy's smirk turned to a look of shock as Harry advanced forward towards him. Malfoy must have thought Harry was going to do something to damage Slytherin's chances and attack him, which was probably very reasonable, but he still didn't move.

This must have looked very strange to observers to the two because now they were basically side by side the wind tearing at their hair ruffling up Malfoy's and making Harry's a complete mess. Then Harry leaned forward looking as if he was about to kiss Malfoy, Malfoy looked purely petrified and at the last minute Harry moved to the right side and whispered in Malfoy's ear in a menacing tone, 'Never.' He chuckled his hand closing round the small snitch, then muttered, 'You know Malfoy, you really should keep your hair like that, it really does a lot for you.' By now Harry's hand was firmly clamped round the snitch; holding the snitch in his hand, taking his broom upwards allowing the spectators to see it while leaving Malfoy down by the ground.

The glorious words of, 'GRYFFINDOR WINS – 200 points to 80 points!' Came from Dean Thomas' mouth as he repeatedly shouted out the score to the enormous cheers of the Gryffindors. Harry moved quickly to the ground and into the changing rooms, he didn't want to face them all yet. He didn't want the attention from them, it would be too much. All those people surrounding him, the claustrophobia, the pressure to do well again, to be someone he didn't know how to be, to be someone he didn't want to be. Harry's breathing became short and sharp as it pinched the back of his throat, making him choke. Harry fell against the wall and slide down it, his head between his knees, he really would have to start eating again soon, when someone exited the changing rooms.

'Please, please be a Gryffindor…' Harry wished silently.

'Potter?' Came the reply.

'_Noooo!_' Harry cried in his head, not looking up, he didn't want to se the face of Draco Malfoy looking at him, so he got up abruptly causing him to swerve sideways. Harry regained his balance, looked beyond Malfoy and marched past him mentioning as casually as possible, 'See you Tuesday Malfoy.'

0000

Harry was standing by the stairs in the entrance hall waiting for Malfoy. It was 8.15 and it wasn't surprising for Harry that Malfoy was late.

'_He just wants to make an entrance and a point, typical Malfoy. Just wants to show he can't be pushed around by me or even teachers._'

Harry's thoughts were interrupted by oncoming footsteps, '_Malfoy,_' Harry immediately thought. He turned his head in the direction of the oncoming footsteps, '_full marks for me._' Malfoy's hair glowed in the fire light making it seem as if there was a halo round the top of his head. 'How ironic!' Harry chuckled.

'Come on then Potter, I don't have all night.'

'Sorry but I have your time until 11pm I'm afraid, every Tuesday night. Aren't I lucky!' Harry finished sarcastically.

Malfoy didn't answer he just walked on, the silence Harry received cut through him like a knife. He just walked on, looking out for any rule breakers, Malfoy seemed to have gone into a trance, just walking, not noticing anyone who passed him let alone detecting Harry walking subdued behind him.

'_What is it about him that makes him think he's so special? Is it because he's the son of Voldemort's right-hand man, a future deatheater, who I could end up killing in the final battle. Is that the destiny that I want for myself, to be a murderer? Is that the destiny I want for someone, even Malfoy, to have……the possibility of being killed. That is a destiny I wouldn't wish on anyone, not after what I've experienced. That's just not fair but then I suppose life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death, so no one deserves to be killed, especially as I don't want to be the killer._'

0000

They walked for the next 2 hours in silence, passing door after door, secret passage after secret passage, not uttering a word to one another, in complete and absolute deadly silence, with just the sound of their footsteps hitting the ground. It was terribly dull; everyone had obviously decided to be good for that night, which made their job extremely dull. This made Harry think of the old days with Hermione, Ron, Hagrid and Sirius, a smile crept to his face at the remembrance of his Godfather.

'Yes Potter, I know I'm handsome. There's no need to smile about it.'

'What Malfoy? What the fuck are you on about?'

'Woah! Golden Boy isn't as golden and perfect as the world thinks!'

'What would you know? I haven't been perfect for a very long time, it's just that no one took the time to realise and anyway that disappeared when I appreciated……' Harry paused and he was sure he saw Malfoy look at him expectantly, 'something.'

'Oh great answer, you left me waiting and 'something' is all you can come up with? That's pitiful Potter, even for you,' Malfoy said spitefully.

'You know nothing about the real world Malfoy, you're just a child when it comes to it, a naïve little boy, who knows nothing.' Malfoy tried to speak but Harry silenced him instinctively by placing his hand on Malfoy's moist lips and staring sharply down at him. 'You've grown up with comforts, money and a family, your whole life. You've been waited on hand and foot, everything you've wanted, I remember the first time I met you, 'I think I'll bully Father into getting me one (broom) and I'll smuggle it in somehow.' Harry mimicked. 'And do you know what Malfoy, you really haven't changed that much, have you?'

Harry brought his hand away from Malfoy's mouth, grazing his index finger along Malfoy's jawbone while a single small tear fell from his eye, Malfoy stood there speechless with an almost vulnerable look on his face. Both boys were so intent on staring at each other and on the monologue that Harry had just reeled off they didn't observe two Ravenclaw 5th Years creep past trying to get back to their common room.

'I think Potter,' Malfoy started once he had regained his voice, 'you are the naïve one here, things change or don't you bloody realise that, time changes so people change and so do circumstances.'

'Oh trust me I know that. I bloody well know that all of that changes – every year my circumstances have changed and so have the people around me, which is probably due to my actions. Then up until the end of last year I didn't change, I was always Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived and Dumbledore's pet, I was what people wanted me to be, well you know what, this year, I changed too.'

'I noticed,' muttered Malfoy. 'Oh I fucking well noticed.' He then spoke more loudly so Harry could definitely hear him, 'I want to change Potter, believe it or not, I don't want to conform to what my Father wants me to be, I'm sure you know what I'm going on about,' Malfoy looked up at Harry's now, stony green eyes, they were serious and almost cold. Malfoy was looking into a green version of his own eyes. He continued, 'That letter, it gave me certain information and a certain task but I can't do it, not after what I saw……' he trailed off and then whispered, 'it happened to me too.'

Harry's eyes widened in shock, he felt a weird kind of compassion for this blonde haired Slytherin in front of him, something that he'd told himself he'd never feel, especially since his discovered his sexuality.

'Woah, this is the same guy who has made your life a misery for the past 5 years…… What is going on here?' He pondered to himself still looking Malfoy directly in the eyes, not wanting to break this connection they had.

'It's 11pm,' Malfoy broke Harry's thoughts and their connection.

'Yeah, so it is,' Harry replied.

That was it, the end, they walked their separate ways to be once again enemies, a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, with nothing in common. To the rest of the school, this never happened.

0000

I hope that's a better chapter, and more to people's liking. I would really appreciate some reviews with criticism or praise! Whichever.

CinderBrat – Thanks, I have tried to include and show what you said, hope it works and I now hope the story has improved for you. Also sorry, but it's going to be a slash, not all SEX SEX SEX but a m/m pairing, the next fan fic I write, I promise won't be.

Well that's all for now, please r/r, I'll update ASAP. Lelimo.


	8. Harry, Ron and Hermione

Hey everyone, I'm really sorry for not updating sooner, although people don't really seem interested in my story anymore…. Oh well I'll survive, I'm writing this for the fun of it anyway. Holds hand up to forehead in a dramatic way! Well, this chapter I am going to dedicate to: because they're great and loyal and review! Thanks you guys. Sorry everyone, this chapter doesn't have much Harry/Draco in it, it has a little but not much. You're lucky, it wasn't going to have any in it but then I put a little in. So, enjoy……

Chapter seven – Harry, Ron and Hermione

The Halloween weekend was upon them and being prefects they were all involved in organising the decorations for the Entrance Hall and the Great Hall. So this added an extra stress to Harry and his timetable, so he spent hours trying to design some original yet unique decorations for the Entrance Hall. Here, he, Malfoy, Hermione, Ron and two others were working. It didn't help that he had normal homework, work from his extra lessons and that his dreams of the summer had reappeared in his sleep. This meant he was being the quiet, snappy, moody Harry that he had promised himself not to be a few weeks previous, especially to Ron and Hermione.

'Harry?' Harry looked up from his book.

'Yes?' He whispered back, he had already been told off and chased by Madame Pince earlier on in that day for talking then screaming at a book for not giving him the information he required. He had been so worked up, he hadn't seen the bookcases shake and quiver, but Madame Pince and the other occupants had noticed this strange occurrence.

'We wondered if you were up to coming to Hogsmede this weekend on the Saturday……' Hermione and Ron looked hopefully at him.

'Yeah, of course that would be great!' Harry smiled, and thought, 'Anything to get me away from work and Hogwarts.'

'Right well we'll leave you to it,' Ron muttered.

'_Alone again, they really can't seem to stand being in my presence for more than five minutes._' Harry thought, very discontented but he couldn't help and allow himself a small smile at the sight of Ron and Hermione walking away. When one bumped into the other, each of them both jumping about 2 metres apart as if electrocuted.

'I really must do something about those two, or it'll never come about.' Harry said to himself and returned silently to his work.

0000

It was Friday night they were all in the Entrance Hall putting up the last of the decorations, which all glowed an eerie orange colour due to the light. Harry was lighting the pumpkins with his wand and turned around to check with Hermione that he was doing it all right. Although when he turned around he found the Entrance Hall empty, with Hermione's checklist on the floor and her, Ron or anyone not in sight.

'Oh where the fuck have they all gone? Just leave me here then, bloody hell.' Harry muttered to himself. Harry then noticed a flicker of platinum blonde hair from a dark corner in the Entrance Hall.

'Oi Malfoy! You finished!' Harry called.

Malfoy turned around, 'What's it to you?'

'Well then can you pass Hermione's checklist as she seems to have buggered off.'

'Probably gone to fuck Weasley and no I can't.'

'It's right beside you, don't be such a bloody, stubborn idiot.'

'Fine.' Malfoy replied shortly. He snatched up the parchment and stomped over. Harry watched him, the way his eyes glistened with anger, how his hair swayed and caught the light and he heard Malfoy's footsteps almost as if they were setting his heart beat, making it beat steadily and in time. Malfoy reached out his arm to pass the list to Harry and quite unintentionally Harry brushed his hand against Malfoy's and a fire sparked in Harry's heart. His eyes leaped up to meet Malfoy's and he just stared into them for what seemed like eternity – those deep set, molten silver eyes.

Harry turned abruptly round and bowed his head towards the parchment and whispered, 'Thanks.' He heard Malfoy walk away and thought, 'I really can't do this anymore.' Harry shook his head and left the Entrance Hall not knowing the pair of deep set, molten silver eyes were watching him go from the door to the dungeons.

0000

'So where to first!' Asked an excited Ron, his face a gleam with happiness.

'Well I have to do Christmas shopping, yes, yes I know it's not even Halloween yet but, well… in the muggle world……' Hermione trailed off and looked up to see Harry smirking.

'Yes Hermione I know, don't worry.'

'Well I'll see you boys later,' she flashed them a smile and disappeared into the nearest shop.

'Perfect timing, I am going to do something about them.' Harry thought, smiling wickedly.

Ron shot a worried look at Harry, who didn't notice as the continued down the street. Harry was looking intently at some enchanted green pixies that went from red to green to gold and spelt out Merry Christmas every few seconds when Ron cleared his throat.

'Look……mate, about the other day.' Ron paused and Harry turned expecting him to continue but instead Ron's face went as red as his hair and he looked past Harry, so Harry shook his head and prompted Ron by saying, 'Shall we go get a butterbeer in The Three Broomsticks?'

'Sure.' Ron smiled, obviously grateful to Harry for what he'd done.

0000

Harry took a swig of his butterbeer and looked expectantly at Ron, when Ron saw this he nearly choked on his drink, so Harry reached and patted him on the back. Ron flinched, to which Harry clenched his teeth and rolled his eyes. Harry sighed and again prompted Ron again.

'I guess you wanted to talk to me about me being gay…?'

Ron looked astonished and shocked when Harry said it out loud in a public place.

'Well…yes…I did.' He coughed and placed his drink on the table. 'I wanted to say firstly I'm very sorry for the way I acted about you. I mean…well……I think……I hope I'm your best friend and I should have taken it better than I did,' Ron apologised.

Harry looked at Ron intently, so intently that Ron began to shuffle in his seat uncomfortably. 'It's fine, understandable. Anyway lets not talk about me – how about you and Hermione…? Ron choked again. 'Mate, you really have to stop this choking business it could kill you one day you know. So… what are you going to do?' Harry asked, completely in control of the situation.

'I don't know what the fuck you're on about,' Ron said innocently.

'Ha! Don't lie Ron, I know, I can tell and plus you might as well have written 'I love Hermione' across your face, it's that obvious.' Harry said bluntly.

'I…I……I don't know.'

'Well, if it's any consolation, it's written across her face too – pretty plainly.'

'Really!'

'Uh huh, so I think tonight or today will be the perfect time to do it. Don't you think?'

'What! Far too soon!' Ron shouted, causing people in The Three Broomsticks to turn their heads.

'I think it'll be just right and trust me she'll reciprocate the feelings, I'm pretty bloody sure, no, wait, bugger that, I'm bloody well certain.'

Ron looked unsure but nodded mutely in agreement. Harry observed his best friend for a short time, 'I do hope he does it – it'll get them off my back that's for sure especially if they're engrossed in each other. Oh shit, I have Defence Against The Dark Arts tomorrow and on Halloween as well, oh bugger.'

'We have to go and meet………meet…'

'Meet Hermione?' Harry asked.

'Yes, her, that's right, well, yeah, we better get going, you know her.' Ron stuttered.

They walked out of The Three Broomsticks and Hermione was standing, waiting, with a look of triumph on her face.

'Completed it then…' Harry questioned.

'Finally, yeah I did. Anyhow, how did I guess you'd be in there? Hmm? Good time then?' She directed her question to Ron but he just looked away, blushing. Hermione was taken a back but Harry stepped in, 'yes we had a great time thanks Mione.'

They continued to talk as they left Hogsmede and suddenly Hermione rolled up some snow and threw a snowball at Ron, who gasped in shock but then retaliated, causing the both of them to turn on Harry and pelt him with the snowballs in their hands. This then resulted in a full blown snowball fight.

Until Hermione shouted, 'Ok, ok, I give up!'

They all stood there in the clearing red faced, slightly sweaty and panting because of all the running they'd been doing. Hermione smiled, 'Just like the old times, no cares, we're all happy and it's just us three.' Silence fell on them as they all pondered these words, that had made them realise how much had changed.

Harry then gasped, 'Shit! I forgot to get something from Hogsmede, don't wait, I'll see you back at the castle.' And so Harry left with a parting smile to Hermione and a 'you know what to do' glare at Ron.

Harry walked away with a small smile on his face and round the corner where he paused and waited. He felt as if he was waiting for an age, when in fact it had only been 10 minutes. '_Oh fuck this,_' he thought. Harry made his way back to Hogwarts, when he turned the corner into the clearing where the snowball fight had taken place minutes before to find Ron and Hermione still there. He arrived in time to see Hermione's face break out in a smile and fling her arms around Ron's neck.

'_Well he's told her then,_' he thought.

Ron then broke the contact between him and Hermione.

'No! Mate, what are you doing?' Harry wondered.

He then saw Ron snake his arms around Hermione's back and bring his face down so his lips met hers very gently.

'Nice one!' Harry smiled.

Then he watched them turn and with their arms wrapped around each other walk in the opposite direction, not noticing Harry. Harry's face deceased to smile, he felt a mixture of emotions – happiness and sadness, (almost desertion, which he knew he shouldn't feel because he set this up) for the events that had just happened.

'I wish I could be that happy, but I don't think that can ever be.'

0000

Well that's the next chapter, sorry that it's not got a lot of action in it but I needed to get Ron and Hermione together. I shall try and get the next chapter up soon, but I'm at school and work is annoying and there is lots of it, I hope you forgive me if I take a while. Please review, I really need to know what you all think... Love you all! Lelimo.


	9. Talks

I'm really, really sorry but this chapters probably a bit/very (whichever you prefer) crap basically. No Draco/Harry action, just some background information really, all Harry and his feelings, leading up to good stuff in the next few chapters. It's possible to skip this chapter if you want, I don't mind.

Chapter Eight – Talks

Harry walked glumly to the dungeon; his head bent looking at his shoes pounding the concrete, beat after beat. He was heading to Snape's classroom for his fortnightly torture or more commonly known as his extra potion lessons. In his hand he held his essay on the particulars that Snape required after he had completed a potion – this essay was on Veritaserum, which he had finally mastered after a month. Long nights had been spent working on this – he knew Snape was angry with him for two reasons. One because he had taken such a long time to master, even though it was one of the most complex potions known through out the wizarding world and so of course it had to mastered in a couple of days, or would be in a world according to Snape. And the other reason because Snape hadn't planned on moving this quickly – he was so angry when Harry had accomplished the Polyjuice Potion first time round, of course he didn't know about the events of the second year but Harry wasn't exactly going to tell him about that now was he……?

Harry knocked on Snape's door and waited, 'Come in.'

Harry stepped into the classroom, silently closing the door and walking into the supplies cupboard to fetch his finished sample.

'Here Professor Snape, my sample and essay,' Harry said dully, not really caring, his eyes heavy and blank, with none of their normal shining emerald colour. It was more just normal matt green.

'Test it Potter,' Snape said shortly.

'How?'

'What the bloody hell so you mean how?' Snape snapped at Harry, not seeing the sadness that penetrated Harry through and through his entire self. 'You shall drink it and I shall ask questions, that I know the answer to and we shall see if this concoction of yours,' Snape looked at the vial with disgust, 'works.' He spat.

'Like the fuck I am, you think I trust you?'

'Well you should,' Snape rounded on Harry, facing him, looking at him square in the eyes, 'and 5 points from Gryffindor for swearing at a teacher.'

Harry took a quick lance at the vial and without hesitating tipped the contents into his mouth, knowing he wouldn't win this particular match. This caused Snape's mouth to curl into a triumphant smirk.

'Is your name Harry James Potter?'

'Yes.'

'When were you born?'

'31st July.'

'Who were your parents?'

'James Potter and Lily Evans.'

'Where is the Order's Headquarters?'

'12 Grimmauld Place.'

'Ok, what is the Gryffindor password?'

'Now why would I want to tell you that Professor Snape?' Harry enquired.

Snape looked shocked and nearly speechless but not quite, 'you're supposed to be under the potion's influence……' Snape paused then a thin smile lined his lips, 'so it can't have worked, too bad Potter.'

'Actually Professor, you'll find that's its perfectly fine and works, I have just somehow managed to stop the effects when I wanted to and come back to reality.'

Snape started to speak but Harry interrupted him, 'but, but, but I'm the only one knows this little fact obviously and of course now you know and no I don't know how I did it.' Harry smirked a little, enjoying himself in that he had managed to baffle and annoy the infamous Professor Snape. What he had said was perfectly true, he had no idea how he did it.

'You always have been an arrogant son of a……'

'Now, now Professor Snape, you don't want me to have to take points for swearing do you?' Harry said cheekily.

Snape couldn't help but allow a small smirk to creep across his lips at this last comment.

'Very clever Potter.'

Harry smiled a small smile, almost unrecognisable as a smile but it was there. He then looked at the piece of parchment with his essay written on, and silently started to read it, checking it over. Not daring to look at Snape he began to pack his stuff up and placed his essay on Snape's desk. With that, he then left the dungeon very quickly.

0000

Harry had just reached the entrance hall when he heard running footsteps behind him. He turned around to see a marching Snape coming closer to him.

'Ok Potter, I want to give this a go to see if this potion of yours actually works and that you weren't bluffing all the way through.' Snape drank the contents of another of Harry's samples.

Harry stood and looked at Snape, standing here in front of him in the middle of the Entrance Hall at about 10.30pm, realising the power he now had.

'Right, why have you always hated me?'

'Because you're exactly like your Father and you're what I wanted to be when I was younger.'

Harry was shocked but satisfied with this answer but went on to do one more question just to make sure and of course abuse his power.

'What is the password into the Slytherin Common Room?'

'Power is everything.'

'My God,' thought Harry. 'Who came up with a password like that? No wonder all Slytherins are complete tossers.'

Harry then waited for the potion to disappear from Snape's system, just so he could prove he had done it correctly.

'Happy now Professor Snape?'

'Not bad Potter, not bad.'

Harry turned around to walk back to Gryffindor Common Room thinking, '_well that's the best compliment I'm going to get from him, so bully for me!_' Then he said out loud, 'Oh, thanks for the password to allow me into the Slytherin Common Room!'

Harry didn't hear a response, just the fading away of stomping footsteps.

0000

Flick, flick, flick went the pages.

Drum, drum, drum went the pounding headache in Harry's head.

Then rip, rip, rip, tear, tear, tear, shred, shred, shred, went the pages of his photo album, as he shattered them on the floor in front of the common room fire.

Tears were streaming down Harry's face consecutively, never stopping and he didn't do anything to prevent them.

Harry thought of how things were with Ron, Hermione, the Weasleys with Percy and Sirius. Sirius, his Godfather and closest thing he had ever had to a Father. A troublemaker but his heart was in the right place and why, when Harry finally needed him the most, why wasn't he here? Harry knew the answer to that and it was because of him Sirius wasn't here, all his own bloody fault. Harry was now shaking with rage and resentment, he hated himself, he hated Sirius for falling and leaving him, he hated Ron and Hermione for finding each other, he hated Dumbledore and the wizarding world for placing so much responsibility on his shoulders and most of all he hated his Uncle for making him scared.

Harry leaped up and headed for bed, when he was at the bottom of the staircase Harry muttered, 'Reparo,' and the photo album fixed itself and sat there in front of the dying fire.

Harry was too tired to notice he hadn't used his wand to do that spell as it lay by the fire beside the now mended photo album.

0000

Harry awoke Sunday morning to go down to breakfast with Ron only to find him already gone. '_With Hermione again I suspect,_' Harry guessed to himself. And so he walked to the Great Hall alone, again.

0000

'I'll see you guys later,' Harry called to Hermione and Ron as he left lunch to go to Lupin's Defence Against The Dark Arts lesson. Neither Ron nor Hermione acknowledged that they'd heard him, they were too busy laughing at something stupid Ron had done.

'I'll see you guys…,' Harry repeated slightly louder but stopped as he realised they weren't going to hear him no matter what.

So he left the hall, not hearing the whispers behind his back or seeing the silvery grey eyes from the Slytherin table bore into his back.

0000

Harry slowly walked to the Room of Requirement, re-living the moments of last night in his head. All his emotions had finally overcome him, causing the warrant of tears to come streaming down.

Harry's boxing gloves were dangling down by his side swinging in a rhythmical swing. They were swinging in time to Something Corporate's 'You're Gone.'

'Taking steps back through the words I should've said to you,

They all got lost,

You went away,

Well I feel sick and you don't care anymore, anymore,

Hours to be with you,

Minutes of me in you,

And I can't feel this happening,

So tie my hands back,

And make me feel……'

Harry began to hum this out loud all the way and as he finished outside the Room of Requirement the last lyrics were going through his head…

'And you don't care,

Your face is on a billboard,

And you're everywhere,

You don't care much for interviews,

You're gone, you're gone, you're gone, you're gone,

You're gone, you're gone, you're gone, you're gone away,

If you don't like being hurt then please don't stay,

If you don't like being hurt then get away,

If you don't like being hurt then please don't stay……'

Harry stood and thought of Sirius, '_please don't go away._'

0000

Harry was circling Remus in the ring that had been provided for them, Harry was tired, sweaty and very, very preoccupied. So far he was losing 5 matches to 2, which, compared to the last two weeks was awful, when Harry had firstly thrown himself into work, training and practicing occlumency, potions and Defence Against The Dark Arts he had become very, very good. Although that was when he'd stopped eating and done nothing but dedicate himself to it all. Until finally he had been told off by Dumbledore who'd managed to penetrate Harry's mind when he had blanked out in their session. That was when Harry had found a balance and so had started to eat once again.

'Oi Harry, lets stop,' sighed Remus as he sat down heavily on one of the chairs. A few moments later Harry joined him. 'So what's up?'

Harry jerked his head sideways to look Remus in the eye, 'What do you mean?' he asked innocently. Remus didn't bother replying and just looked back at Harry with the 'I know, I maybe old but I know' look.

Harry sighed once again and knew instantly that he wasn't going to escape his friend now.

'Sirius, my life now, Hermione and Ron and my past. They are the things that are bothering the fucking hell out of me.' Harry paused, not bothering to apologise for his language and he looked at Remus to see if he would get a response but Remus continued to examine his boxing gloves. So Harry continued, 'All my memories of Sirius have begun to reappear in my head and haunt me during the day and in my dreams, for no apparent reason, he's always there. When I do my homework and I can't do a question I think, 'what would Sirius do?' I mean normally it's 'Where's Hermione?'' At this point Remus gave a small chuckle but Harry continued as serious as before. 'So I don't know what to do, I want to remember him but also forget him, I can't have him always there, it's not normal plus it's distracting.'

'Well Harry, I really don't know to be honest as to why he's there constantly in your thoughts but I know of a spell I could perform to try and counteract it……?'

'Yes, I think that would be a good idea.'

'Harry I also think you just need to let go of him completely and just remember him as your Father's best friend and your Godfather, nothing more, not while the wound is still new and open.'

Harry nodded, he now didn't take his eyes off his boxing gloves, 'Then there's Ron and Hermione,' Harry spat at the ground. 'yes I know it was my doing but that was because they were moping around doing not doing anything about each other when it was so bloody blatant they had fucking feelings for each other. I think I deserve at least a thanks for putting things in motion, but no, not a bloody thing, bastards.'

Remus stared wide eyed at Harry and begun to stutter a reply, 'Well, well...I mean……' Remus composed himself, 'What I mean is that surely they're just in their honeymoon period and well…it's quite sweet really.'

'SWEET, IT'S NOT FUCKING SWEET WHEN YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT 24/7!' Harry shouted, 'trust me.' He finished in a quiet voice. 'I am just so fucking tired of having them in my face, there, kissing, snogging, whispering things, cute things to each other.'

'Sounds to me as if you're jealous.' Remus said instantly regretting it.

'Where the buggering hell have you been for the past 30 minutes? Of course I'm jealous!' He looked through the window of the Room of Requirement expressionlessly at the outside and the falling leaves.

'Harry, please calm down, you're not doing yourself any good. DO you want to talk about any of the other things you mentioned?' Remus questioned.

Harry shock his head, not in a 'no' fashion but in a 'this is hopeless, you wouldn't understand, almost pitying' fashion. 'No thanks Professor Lupin, I have to go now, same time next week. See you tomorrow.'

Harry walked from the Room of Requirement leaving Remus in a state of absolute shock, he had never seen Harry like that.

0000

'_What did I do? What did I do? I am such an arsehole. All he did was try to help……shit, crap arse – I am officially the World's Biggest Twat._' Those were the thoughts that took over Harry's mind as he lay on his bed, with his hangings closed listening to Neville's snores, Ron's grumblings, mainly of 'Hermione, Hermione' and of Seamus' whimpers, '_that guy always did worry me, although he does have a cute arse, a devilish accent and lovely big blue eyes._' Harry thought and turned over to go into a restless sleep.

0000

There was a lot of smirking, small smiles etc in that chapter! Oh well, maybe I'm losing my touch? I don't know; I really hope not, hope you liked that chapter, if you read it that is. People, people please review – I really need to know what people are thinking of this and whether it is worth continuing. Thanks ever so much again to the two best reviewers an author could want: Shiny-misS and charl1e. Also a big thanks to all the other people who have reviewed my story so far, if you've just read this please, please review. Lelimo.


	10. Relief

Well here is the next chapter, hope you like. It's getting darker…… Thanks again soooo much to my wonderful, faithful reviewers: shiny-misS and charl1e – you guys really are the best. I don't know if I'd bother continuing if it weren't for you. So THANK YOU!

Chapter Nine – Relief

Harry was sitting on his bed, calmly for once trying to compose a letter to Remus.

'Dear Remus, I wanted to say……no not right. Um, Remus, I really want to say how sorry I am…better…but then what do I say next? My God, I should be able to write a letter to my friend. So why the fuck can't I?'

Harry's thoughts were broken by the entrance of the rest of the Sixth Year Boys and Hermione into their dorm. They were talking about something and it took Harry a few minutes of listening to comprehend it was him they were talking about. Also they didn't realise that he was there as the hangings around his bed were drawn, he'd done this earlier so he could try and write in peace.

'So much for that helping,' Harry thought sarcastically.

'He's been acting so strangely recently.' Harry heard Seamus mention in the middle of their conversation.

'I'm really worried about him,' Hermione went on to say, 'he's closed off from us, he hardly eats or sleeps, all he does do is work on his extra lessons, do his homework and go on Prefect Duty with Malfoy. It's like a bloody army camp that he lives in. he's shut off, he hardly ever utters a word to us anymore, does he Ron?'

'No, hardly,' Ron muttered.

'That's because you two are so sodding well wrapped up in each other!' Harry screamed inside his head.

'I used to think he was so cool, calm and collected but now, well now he just freaks me out. I'm in agreement with you Hermione, he has completely shut himself away.' Agreed Seamus.

Harry heard the shuffling of chairs as people sat down on them and on the edge of beds to get comfortable while continuing their discussion.

'You know what, it wouldn't surprise me if he lost all of his friends by the end of this year if he carries on the way he is,' Seamus continued.

'But……but…but, that's very unfair on Harry, we should, we should try to talk to him, I know what's it's like to not have any friends and I wouldn't wish that on anyone,' Neville said forcefully.

'Man, I never knew Neville thought like that, I really should be nicer towards him. I have always been an arse to him, I know that. Respect, respect it what I shall give him. It's just a shame that it's taken this for me to see that,' Harry considered.

'I see where you're coming from Neville,' Hermione said, being the voice of reason as always, 'but I don't know, he has shut himself away……' she trailed off.

'We've done our best by him Hermione, we've, especially you have stuck right by him through these past 5 years.' Ron added, then Harry heard him kiss her on the cheek.

'You stuck by me until you found each other, that's when I became the spare part and that's when you changed, not me,' Harry reflected.

'Yeah well, he's started to become an arrogant son of a bitch, walking around like he owns this fucking tower. I'm not surprised Draco Malfoy hates him. If I met Harry today for the first time I think that I would avoid him for all it's worth.' Dean pointed out spitefully.

'Well, don't you think that's ever so slightly harsh?' Hermione questioned.

'Yeah,' Neville whispered.

'That is a little harsh Dean……' Ron started and Seamus nodded in accord.

Dean interrupted, 'I don't care.'

Harry had, had enough. He really couldn't take this anymore, he had to speak up. His friends were bitching about him behind his back and they hadn't even tried talking to him about all of this, they just presumed. They had started to dislike him, maybe even hate him. Harry rejoined their conversation.

'It maybe harsh but it's true.' Dean continued.

'Don't you think it's just a little too harsh, particularly as I'm right here?' Harry questioned while opening his hangings and stepping off his bed.

He was greeted by a sight that would have made him laugh if he hadn't been so angry. Ron had Hermione sitting on his lap and they had a look of guilt mixed with disbelief set on their faces. Seamus and Neville were looking to the ground, obviously completely ridden with guilt and Dean looked plain scared.

'Umm…what?...How?...' Ron stuttered.

Harry shook his head, 'Enough,' he said simply and walked to Hedwig and gently caressed her pure, white feathers with love and feeling he didn't know he still possessed. 'To Remus,' he whispered to her and with an affectionate peck she was gone.

Harry turned slowly on the spot and looked at them all slowly, one by one, all hew felt was betrayal, even from Neville, who he'd promised to himself minutes before to respect.

'Respect will come, in time……I hope,' Harry thought while looking at Neville. He gave him a look which caught Neville's attention and Harry mouthed, 'Thank you.' This caused Neville to turn away, Harry had guessed it may have helped but evidently not.

Harry walked to the door and not bothering to look back, he walked out the door and down the stairs.

0000

Harry spent the next few days not talking to any of the people who he'd caught and they, in turn didn't approach him. He of course heard gossip, so he knew that the whole school had heard about the Gryffindor problems.

Except for Neville. Harry was sitting in Potions on his own at the back of the classroom, when Neville came over very boldly in front of the whole of Slytherin and Gryffindor's Sixth Years and sat down next to Harry. That's when the whispers broke out but there were only three people who didn't rise to this move by Neville and they were Harry, Neville and Malfoy.

Harry could tell Malfoy was watching them, probably laughing at him but what was happening was the complete opposite – Malfoy was feeling for Harry, he knew about betrayal and so felt sorry for Harry. Of course Harry would never ever find that out, not from Malfoy anyway, or so Malfoy thought.

'Harry,' whispered Neville.

Harry looked up at Snape teaching at the front of the class and deciding it was safe he replied, 'Yes?'

'Well I wanted, I wanted to say I'm sorry about a few nights ago.'

Harry kept looking forward at Snape and replied, 'Apology accepted Neville, thank you for coming to talk to me and not shun me like everyone else.'

Harry smirked at Neville and then he started to draw a cartoon of Snape, with exaggerated greasy hair and stuck up nose. This made both boys laugh out loud but while trying to keep it quiet, although this was still heard and prevented by a, 'Potter! Longbottom! Be quiet, 10 points from Gryffindor.' From Snape but Harry and Neville didn't care, it was worth it.

0000

Later on that evening in the Gryffindor Common Room Harry was sitting at a table just about to start on his Potions essay. This was for his most recent potion he'd presently completed – Tiger Mort – which is a very advanced potion used as an antidote against rare poisonous snakes and reptiles in general.

Harry was researching the lasting effects of the potion when Hermione came and sat at the other end and placed Crookshanks on the table too. She didn't glance at Harry once, whereas he sat there for 5 minutes and stared right at her. It was almost as if she was purposefully ignoring him.

'And I thought that she may have come over to try and talk to me. What an ignorant twat I am.' Harry shook his head. 'And it's not even my fault.' Harry thought pitifully to himself, he then carried on with his work.

Harry had nearly finished his essay when Crookshanks got up slowly and had apparently decided it was time for a walk. He slowly sauntered over to where Harry was working, purring his little heart out. When Crookshanks moved towards Harry, Hermione looked Harry in the eye and blushed. Harry narrowed his eyes at her and switched his gaze to Crookshanks, who had come closer to Harry and began pushing his head lovingly against Harry's arm. Hermione still watched as he raised an arm to stroke Crookshanks.

'Crookshanks get back here,' Hermione hissed at him, but it didn't work, Crookshanks stayed firmly where he was. 'Crookshanks,' Hermione tried again. Harry noticed Hermione didn't really want her precious cat near him after this unrelentingly continued for 8 minutes, so he began to nudge Crookshanks back in Hermione's direction. Harry was quite happy to have him stay there, but no, Hermione had to have her way. Crookshanks still wasn't moving, Harry's nudges were getting larger when finally he gave Crookshanks a firm push, which dislodged him from Harry's side. However Crookshanks didn't take kindly to this so hissed and spat at Harry, then out went his claws and he slashed at Harry's arm catching him on the wrist. This caused three perfectly diagonal red parallel lines across Harry's wrist, which immediately started to bleed.

'Shit!' Harry cried out. He jumped up holding his wrist and ran from the Common Room towards the nearest toilets. He left the Common Room hearing a shout of 'Harry!' as he exited.

0000

Harry ran quickly and quietly to the toilets on the floor above, he didn't want people in Gryffindor asking questions, which was why he left.

'Water, water, must clean,' Harry panted, very out of breath. Once he had entered the toilets he slammed into a wall and slid down it still grasping his wrist tightly. Slowly he let his wrist go and watched the white marks he had created from holding it so tight, disappear. Harry tried to gather the strength to stand up to go to the sink but with no prevail did he manage to do it.

Instead of getting up Harry watched the blood trickle down his arm onto the concrete. His warm, life giving blood against the cold, dark floor, warm and cold, good and evil, who would conquer? It felt good, he felt a release – this made him think back to the summer and all the pain that had been caused and all the blood that had been spilled. This time blood was spilling, but he was in control, he had the power when to say, 'no, stop,' or 'yes, flow,' and the power felt good.

'I can't believe I didn't think of this before, this kind of release, I suppose I never did consider cutting myself to be an option……' Harry kept thinking to himself and while he was thinking the blood kept spilling, drip, drip onto the floor.

Harry watched it for awhile then decided the best idea was to prevent it for now and so performed a spell with his wand to heal the cuts. Harry sat there pondering his decision, a decision that would change him even more but he knew this decision would give him an escape that he desperately needed now and again.

0000

The next night Harry was back, same time, same place, same decision stuck firmly in his head.

Harry found a piece of discarded rotting wood and transfigured it into a pair of scissors. He then sat down, in the same spot as before, turning the scissors in his hands, contemplating.

'You know what you're about to do, this could make or break you, it could make you go crazy. It's going to be painful but don't forget this is THE escape you need/want.'

Harry then slowly pressed the cold steel scissors to his soft, warm skin and pressed harder and harder and harder until one drop of red blood stained the scissors. Harry smiled, it was an evil smile, he could feel the idea of power flowing through him. Harry pried open the scissors and took one blade to the spot where the blood had erupted from and pushed the blade in. Slowly, very slowly drawing out the pain he pulled the blade across his wrist slicing his white skin, staining it with red and marking it forever.

Harry did this consecutively for three cuts in exactly the same place where Crookshanks had caught him the night before. However, he couldn't leave it just there, there had to more, more of an escape, more freedom, more power. Harry moved the scissors further up his arm, dragging them along his skin creating a long red line. He then re-dragged the blade over that indent over and over again pushing harder and harder, creating a fine cut, so fine it was very much like a paper cut. Skin overlapped one edge and so the blood seeped out over the other side of the arm, it began to pour out faster and faster. There was a red waterfall of blood cascading over his arm and it hurt like hell.

'Shitting fucking hell this hurts,' was all Harry could think but he knew, he knew that it was his escape route from being any closer to perfect.

Harry then sat back and allowed the blood to stream out of his body. He had found his relief.

Well that's that chapter, getting slightly more worrying now for Harry. Next half/next chapter up soon I hope. Draco makes and appearance next – I promise. Please don't hate me and please don't forget to review, I need reviews to know what you guys like or don't like, as the case probably is. However, people may not read this… so obviously that means no reviews  go on, you know you want to review…… please. Love you much, Lelimo.


	11. Caught

Well, here's the next chapter. Sorry that I haven't updated sooner, but Christmas is sooo fun and this has been quite a hard chapter to write…. It's a bit of a big step, for me anyway but you'll all probably hate it, knowing my luck! Lol. I got my first flame, well sort of, it was criticism, the whole thing, so thank you RonWeasley is MY King! Hehe.

The Bell and the Black Dragon: Wow, my longest review. I'm glad you came through it all, that's always the best part and I'm glad you're working it all out. If you ever want to talk, feel free to email me. I LOVE Something Corporate and bands like Greenday, Offspring etc.

Aticia: I have taken your advice, hope you like this chapter!

None of the Above: You'll have to excuse my grammar, never was my strong point. Hope it's better in this chapter though… Feel free to go about it, if you keep reading that is until I get myself sorted!

Charl1e: Thank you for your continuous support!

Shiny-misS: As per usual, thank you soooo much, you don't realise how much I appreciate your comments. Thank you, thank you. 

Well anyway, on with the story….

Chapter Ten – Caught.

Harry entered the Great Hall on the 1st December, not noticing the stunning Christmas decorations that adorned the Hall, including 12 14ft Christmas Trees covered in gold and silver decorations and studded with little white lights, topped off with a moving angel or shooting star at the top. Each houses banner was decorated with tinsel of its house colours and the floating candles above the tables had changed colour to red, green and white – just like the peppermint canes (sweets). Also the tables had placed down the centre, table decorations of red with green candles. Everyone was laughing and chatting, the idea of going home for Christmas was the topic of the majority of people's conversation.

Harry walked to the Gryffindor table, his head hung, looking at the ground. His eyes were dull and empty, there were bags under his eyes from the recent lack of sleep. He hadn't He hadn't eaten anything either, since the last time he saw Remus, he just appeared at meal times so not to arouse suspicion. Remus had tried to talk to him but Harry had just shut himself away, it was now as if he was an empty shell walking around the school. The scars on his arm were showing more now, as he kept cutting them open, night after night; they were becoming harder to conceal.

Harry arrived at a seat, not too far away from Ron, Hermione and the other sixth year Gryffindors. There was a sudden silence when he sat down but after that they continued with their conversation. He managed to capture some of the conversation between Ron and Hermione. Ron was saying…

'So Mione, you going to come home with me for Christmas?

'Really! You really want me there!' Hermione sounded surprised.

'Yeah, well you're my girlfriend and I want to spend a fun and happy time with you, also……' Ron trailed off, Harry could tell Ron was looking at him. They continued their conversation in whispers.

0000

The next evening Harry was back up in the bathroom looking down at his arm and the thin red scars that ran along them. He decided that if he was going to continue doing this then he was going to have to do it properly. Harry's hand reached out to the scissors and his wand, he wrapped his hand round them both.

Harry transfigured the scissors into a shard of glass. '_This is the way to do it, to cause the greatest amount of pain. I have to do it, I need to know why, why this has happened to me and if there is really a chance of finding out who I truly am, deep down inside of myself. I'm Harry James Potter on the surface, but what about inside? Who resides within me? The true me? Does that person even exist!_' Harry contemplated to himself.

Without any further hesitation he took the piece of glass gently into his hand, not caring whether it cut into his skin and just held it there for a few seconds looking at it, the pureness of it and how it his nothing, it was possible to see every line and contour of Harry's hand – there was no chance to hide. Then in the next few seconds it was covered in Harry's blood as he pierced his creamy, white flesh – the pureness damaged and it became translucent, you could see some of what resided on the other side but obviously not all of it. He cut again and again, plunging the glass down onto his skin – more and more blood poured onto the floor. The cutting became more and more frenzied and disarrayed; it didn't follow a pattern as before, this time the cuts appeared randomly. Harry was just blindly cutting his wrist and forearm closer to shreds.

Harry paused for a while and took three very deep breaths, taking in the air seemed like it was cutting his throat, it felt dry and sore. The piece of glass changed hands and Harry began to etch into his skin a question he had been asking himself for the past month. First the W, then the H and Y. Harry continued and inscribed the M and the E, finishing off with the ?. Each line of the letters caused him excruciating pain, as the blood seeped out onto his skin, but it wasn't necessarily because it hurt but because of the memories that haunted him, that never went away. Gradually Harry's eyes shut, he knew his robes were drenched with his blood but knew it made no difference. That was when he heard the toilet door open and someone walk in.

'Fuck!' exclaimed the voice.

'The name's Harry, Malfoy.'

'Shitting fuck.'

'We're getting closer, but you're still not quite getting it right. It's Harry – H A R R Y.' Harry said slowly.

'For Gods sake Potter!'

Harry heard Malfoy rush into one of the cubicles his feet hitting the concrete swiftly. The next thing Harry knew, Malfoy was tenderly removing the shard of glass from his limp hand.

'Didn't know you cared,' Harry leered at Malfoy.

Malfoy didn't even bother dignifying this with an answer. Harry opened his eyes to see Malfoy dabbing carefully at his am but no matter how much he dabbed and covered the cuts the bleeding didn't stop.

'Idiot, idiot, idiot,' Malfoy mumbled.

'Why thank you,' Harry replied.

'I mean me,' Malfoy said pulling out his wand.

'Oh no you fucking don't!' Harry shouted.

Malfoy looked at Harry as if he had gone completely and utterly insane, which at the moment was probably true.

'What?' Questioned a disbelieving Malfoy.

'I said, no you fucking don't.'

'I heard perfectly well what you said, I may be many things Potter but being deaf isn't one of them.' Malfoy snapped.

Harry shook his head, 'It's complicated.'

'Like bloody hell it is. Look, at least let me make sure they're clean and then wrap bandages loosely round……' he trailed off.

Harry glanced at Malfoy, wondering where this sudden concern for his well being had come from.

'Fine, if it'll shut you up.'

So Malfoy did just that, they were bandaged loosely which didn't stop them from bleeding, but it prevented the worst. So after about 5 minutes of silence between them there was a red patch beginning to appear on the bandage.

Malfoy finally spoke, 'Why Potter, why?'

'Dunno. It felt right, I needed a release and this happened to be it.'

'Well it's bloody stupid if you ask me.'

'I didn't.'

'You didn't what?' drawled Malfoy.

'Didn't ask you.'

'Oh stop being so fucking smart.'

'You asked for it.'

'Didn't.'

'Metaphorically speaking you did.'

'So come on then, explain…' Malfoy said seriously.

'I needed to feel further away from the perfect boy I'm so thought to be. I needed to try and forget, move on. I needed to let out all the stress and jealously that has been building up inside of me out. Ok? Happy now?'

'No, firstly Potter, you're not perfect……' Malfoy was interrupted.

'I know I'm fucking not. God, don't you think that I of all people would know that? Hmm? What do you take me for? Actually don't answer that, Dumbledore thinks I'm going to win this battle, the whole entire shitting Wizarding World is relying on me, wait, not just them the Muggle World too, they just don't know it. Then there's my 'friends' who have very kindly seemed to have misplaced me in their lives just because I'm not the person I have been for the past 5 years. So all this shit has been building up, and therefore I felt I deserved a relief of a kind, which became this…… And I have no idea why in all this fucked up world, I am talking to you of all people about it,' Harry practically shouted the majority of this small speech, while gesturing to his arms.

'Well Potter, I think about half the castle knows about your most inner feelings.' Malfoy smirked.

'Well maybe that's a good thing Malfoy because then they all may GIVE ME A BREAK!' Harry screamed and banged his fist hard of the concrete floor, causing tears to come to his eyes, which he promptly removed with the bandage on his arm.

'What would you do if Weasley and Granger found out about this?' Malfoy questioned.

'They wouldn't,' Harry said shortly. 'They will never find out and neither will anyone else for that matter. I don't think I could take their pity.' Harry paused. 'I am so fucking messed up, first I complain about how they're not taking any notice of me and then I'm saying that I don't want them to. Buggering hell.'

'Yep, you're screwed up all right Potter.'

'Sod off.'

'What? I'm just agreeing with you Potter, I must say there really is a first time for everything.' Malfoy smiled to himself and then continued, 'Why did you get those tattoos?'

Harry didn't speak for awhile and just pondered the totally out of the blue question Malfoy had posed him with.

'_Why did I get them? I was feeling rebellious, I was feeling spontaneous and generally I have always wanted some. Shit, I really should stop talking to myself, inside my head, Malfoy's waiting for an answer and I don't have one._' Harry thought.

'I guess, it was all to do with being different I suppose…… standing out for being me and not Harry James Potter, the-boy-who-lived.'

'There's a difference?'

'A big one.'

'Care to elaborate on that point?' Malfoy asked.

'No.' Harry said bluntly.

'Well that does wonders for this productive conversation of ours.'

'Why did you stay?'

'What!' Malfoy said sharply.

'Why did you help? Why did you talk to me? Why did you stay?' Harry looked at Malfoy.

'Fuck knows. I couldn't really leave you here to bleed to death because if you died it would probably end up with me getting the blame anyway. Plus we can't have Wonder Boy dying on us before he defeats Voldemort can we?'

'And the real reason is?' Harry enquired.

'What on earth are you on about Potter? That is the real reason. Nothing else to it.' Malfoy got up and began to pace the toilet with a troubled look on his face.

'Oh.' Harry sighed and his eyes looked downwards to his bandaged arm that was now stained almost completely red. Harry began to remove the bandage and winced silently as he detached the bandage from his cuts.

'What the sodding hell do you think you are doing!' Questioned a shocked Malfoy. 'Potter, no one goes against a Malfoy or what they have done and seeing as I did those bandages you DO NOT undo them. Plus they are the only thing that is going to stop the bleeding seeing as you won't let me heal them.'

'Malfoy, be quiet. I can't take it anymore listening to all your random bullshit.'

'You fucking ungrateful git. You do realise I could have left you here, alone.'

Harry muttered something that Malfoy didn't quite catch. 'Sorry?'

'I SAID MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA!' Harry shouted back.

Malfoy moved so quickly that before Harry could stop him – he and Malfoy were face to face. All that Harry could see were the never ending pools of silver, and all he could feel was Malfoy's hot breath upon his lips – Harry could tell their lips were centimetres apart.

'Don't you dare speak like that,' Malfoy hissed quietly to Harry, causing his lips to brush slightly against Harry's own lips, but nothing more. On each word Malfoy tightened his grip on Harry's arms so that the cuts started to bleed severely again as pain shot through Harry like a bullet. This was something Harry couldn't take from anyone especially a Malfoy, so using all the strength he could muster Harry brought his arms out from under Malfoy's weight with Malfoy still holding them. Then pushing with his left arm on Malfoy's right shoulder and pulling with his other hand on Malfoy's left shoulder he spun the smaller young man away from him and across the toilet floor.

'Finally putting something Remus has taught me into action.' Harry thought and smiled, then turned to Malfoy, 'You ok?'

'Yes.' Malfoy got up and brushed himself down. 'I can't believe you did that though.'

'Well I now know a way to make you quiet, which will be good for future reference.'

'Your arm is still bleeding. I dread to think how much blood you've lost.'

'Yeah well.'

'Do you not care? About something, anything, yourself? Or is it all a big lie or joke to you? Life, your life? A life that you have rebuilt over the past 5 years – that is now your own and no one elses?' Malfoy asked.

'Ah but do you not see, it isn't my life – never has been – it's how Dumbledore wants me to be now. For the first 11 years of my life, except one I was a nobody and now the last 5 years I have been a pawn in a game, to prevent something. Not much difference there really, so it is a lie isn't it?'

'Not if you don't want it to be.' Malfoy grabbed Harry by the shoulders. 'Not if you don't want it to be.'

'Shut up Malfoy, shut up, just stop being right and did I mention…… shut up.' Then Harry blacked out into darkness.

0000

Well that's the next chapter – I'm not too sure about Malfoy at the moment. I need to sort his character out I think. Hopefully it'll get better over the next few chapters…… Also I'm sorry if you are a great Harry/Draco fan and are disappointed that there hasn't been any 'action', well I'm being realistic and it just wouldn't happen yet, so please, please be patient with me. Love you all lots. Please review, press that little 'Go' button, you know you want to really…..!

Lelimo


	12. Christmas Holidays

Well here's the next instalment of my first story. It's a bit boring really I suppose but is needed in the long run. I've just thought of an ending for this story, bit premature I know cos I don't see this ending for a while…. Don't know if that's good or bad, I've probably jinxed things now! Hope not.

Chal1e: Thank you! I have a constant support hotline! Wow, thank you, thank you… Hehe. Makes me feel special. Thank you for sticking with me.

Blood-Red Pearl: Thank you for reviewing it means so much, I don't get much interest in my story, so thank you!

Shiny-misS: Who can not love GreenDay? Hmmm? I'm going to see them in June! I can't wait…! It's going to be soooo much fun. Poor Harry, you like to see him suffer? Lol, that's just amusing. Thank you for reviewing again!

Snake Talker: I haven't left it, here's the next chapter, hope it lives up to expectations, if you have any!

Chapter Eleven - Christmas Holidays

First of all Harry couldn't see a thing, everything was blurred and then he realised he needed to reach for glasses, which he did so and then slowly and not too painfully sat up. He saw that both arms were bandaged. Angrily but carefully he removed them, noticing that one arm had been completely healed whereas the other still had faint markings which spelt the words why and me, with a ? at the end. Harry was about to lie down again and think but no sooner than he had he heard Madame Pomfrey walk into the room.

'Oh good Potter, you're awake, finally. I mean you were getting on for 4 days, had Ms Granger and Mr Weasley very worried.' Madame Pomfrey shook her head. 'You have some very good friends there.' She said and wandered off further down the ward.

'Only when they want to be.' Harry muttered quietly. He looked around him and his gaze was directed to his bedside table where 5 letters lay.

'Are these for me!' Harry called to Madame Pomfrey.

'The letters Potter?'

'Yes…'

'Yes, all 5 of them.'

Harry stretched out his hand, took all 5 letters with a sweep of his arm and ripped open the first one, which happened to be from Hagrid. Harry just managed to make out what Hagrid had to say due to the slight problem of Hagrid's untidy writing. The letter was short and read:

Harry,

You deserve a good head bashing for doing what you did. You wait until I get back, then you'll have someone to answer to. You just wait, but also, get better!

Hagrid.

'Always to the point, Hagrid.' Harry smiled. 'Dumbledore.'

The next letter had the familiar scrawl of Albus Dumbledore upon the envelope.

Dear Harry

I am going to keep this letter short as I know you have other ones you'd much prefer to read.

'_I'm not sure about that,_' Harry thought.

I have requested that everyone go home for Christmas, so you have time to recuperate. So I'm afraid it's just you, me, Madame Pomfrey, Mr Filch and Professor Snape for Christmas.

'Of all the Professors in the school, it just had to be bloody Snape didn't it?' Harry shook his head.

I shall pay you a visit when Madame Pomfrey informs me you're awake. Enjoy your other letters, you may be pleasantly surprised.

A. Dumbledore

'So I've got him to look forward to, fucking fantastic, oh well, at least Snape won't bother me. I hope.' Harry commented.

Harry flipped open the next letter.

Dearest Harry

I hope you don't hate us, especially Ron and I too much. We've been very bad friends recently and would really like to make it up to you. Please can you forgive us?

When we get back from the Weasley's after Christmas, Ron and I wish to do everything in our power to help you leave this phase and to be your normal self once again. We really are ever so sorry. Don't forget I love you ever so much.

Yours,

Hermione xxx

Harry stared blankly at this letter and cast it away with one swift movement of his arm.

'I can never go back Hermione, no matter what you may think. It's not a phase, it's me.' He sighed and opened the next letter. 'Hmm let me guess – Ron and his 'apologies'.'

But this one wasn't from Ron, it was from Malfoy.

Potter

If you're reading this then you're finally awake. You're such an arse you know that? Leaving me to deal with Mudblood and Weasel and all the bloody others that want to know what happened to the-boy-that-won't-die.

Well I managed to levitate you to the Hospital Wing after you passed out (you pansy) and Madame Pomfrey screamed at me for not getting you there earlier. See I told you I would get the blame, for your mess, it always happens especially when you're involved. She didn't ask too many questions – I asked her to leave your question imprinted lightly on you, as I still think you need to think on it. Of course Madame Pomfrey looked at me as if I was completely insane, but she complied.

Granger and Weasley didn't leave your side when you were in the Hospital Wing for the last 2 days of school. I really think they're sorry – don't lose their friendship, it's very precious. Even if they are them.

Harry laughed, 'Typical Malfoy.'

Well you haven't died, so you just wait till I get back – you have some serious explaining to do and before you think anything Potter, no, I don't know why I'm doing this.

Malfoy

'Well this one must be Ron's then,' Harry looked at the last letter.

Mate

I really don't know what to say to you, you know I'm no good at this kind of thing. I really am sorry though, if that counts for anything.

Hermione's looking over my shoulder as I write this checking my spelling and grammar; she's treating it as if I'm writing to the Minister of Magic!

Harry had to smile at this comment, as he formed a picture of the both of them.

She's gone – finally. Well that's all for now, have as good a Christmas as is possible. See you after mate.

Ron

0000

Harry left the Hospital Wing on Christmas Eve and had seen no one except Madame Pomfrey for 3 whole, long and tedious days, which in his opinion was enough torture for anyone. The castle was deserted, Harry hadn't seen Professor Dumbledore or Professor Snape so far and that was fine. Snape would probably ridicule him and Dumbledore would offer advice neither of which he wanted to hear right now.

Harry wandered down to the lake, which was completely frozen over and stood on the edge looking, watching what happened around him. The sunset occurred behind the trees that surrounded the lake, which cast long, snake like shadows across the ground while making the ice glow orange. The birds, the wildlife, the clouds, the wind entangling itself in his hair and moved around his arms and legs, as if in a dance, making him shiver with cold.

'It's not particularly suitable to be standing out here in the cold, with no scarf or coat on, not is it? Questioned Dumbledore.

'I suppose not Sir,' Harry replied not turning round.

'Although I do have to agree, it is a most pleasing sight. I do enjoy sunsets and I hope that I always will.' Dumbledore paused and Harry subconsciously knew not to say anything here. 'I'm not going to ask you why you decided to physically harm yourself now because I believe you're not ready to and even though you probably disagree I do not think you know why you did it and I do have experience with such matters. It is obvious of course that you are struggling with all this stress that I have decided to cancel occlumency lessons. You have mastered the basics, which in 3 months is an achievement in itself. Also we are going to cancel you Sunday Defence Against The Dark Arts – do not go getting the idea that Remus or I think that you are weak, we do not. Remus thinks you can build on what he has taught you in your own time. The other extra lessons will continue, same time, same place, oh and be warned Professor Snape is not going to go easy on you.'

Harry smiled and looked at his Headmaster, 'thank you Sir.'

'That is quite alright Harry. I shall be expecting you at Christmas Lunch won't I?

'You shall indeed Sir.'

'Oh good, I do love Christmas. Well good night Harry, but one more thing – I think Mr Malfoy maybe a valuable friend to have.' Dumbledore headed back to the castle.

Harry stayed in the cold until the sun had completely disappeared from the sky, leaving an eerie orange glow. He sat down on the cold, hard ground for awhile assessing Dumbledore's last words.

His feet kicked the earth as he moved closer and closer to Hogwarts, entering the Entrance Hall just as a few flakes of snow began to fall.

0000

Christmas Day passed in a flash – he received some lovely presents from what he supposed he could again call his friends. Hermione bought him a new Broom Maintaining Kit, while Ron and the other Weasley children bought him a black leather bound photo album in which they had already placed some photos in of them and him that Mr Weasley had taken at the Quidditch World Cup. They had also given him 2 new books – The History of Quidditch Teams and Tactics to Outsmart Other Seekers. This really touched him, made him think of the 'good old days', as Hermione would say. Mrs Weasley had sent him a green jumper and some homemade chocolate fudge. Hagrid had given him homemade models, made out of wood of a Firebolt, a lion and a Hungarian Horntail. Harry smiled at these very roughly cut models, they radiated love and friendship.

Then there was an unexpected present, it was an ornament of a sleeping silver dragon, which occasionally puffed out some smoke from its nostrils and opened his eyes so it was possible to see the bright green emeralds he had for eyes. This was anonymous except for a label saying 'You just wait' giving away to Harry who it was that had sent it and so he just smiled.

Lunch was a very quiet affair, what with it being just him, Dumbledore and Snape. But as per usual, Harry couldn't complain about the quality and amount of food, which he was being forced to eat due to being in the presence of two teachers. It was an experience Harry did not ever want to repeat. Dumbledore did his best to create small talk over a number of topics from the properties of the Angora Plant to his opinions on the idea of introducing electricity into the school and in vain tried to involve as much as possible Harry and Snape. Once they had finished Snape, as quickly as possible excused himself from the table and Dumbledore followed suit shortly after but not before whispering to Harry that Snape wasn't one for festivities and could indefinitely be a miserable git sometimes.

So Harry was left to amuse himself once again, which he did by sitting in front of the Gryffindor Common Room fire, curling up in his favourite chair and reading one of his books that he'd been given, this was where he fell asleep.

0000

The holidays passed Harry by in a blaze of 'eating' (he still hadn't got the hang of it), frequent check ups by Madame Pomfrey, avoiding Snape and Filch at all costs and visits from Dumbledore about every 2 or 3 days. He would stop by and eat toast cooked on the fire and drink tea with Harry eagerly provided by the House Elves. Other days he would go for walks round the grounds and the castle, using his freedom to the up most and exerted the power he had when it came to being caught by Filch at 3.30am in the morning. Filch wasn't able to punish Harry as Dumbledore had instructed that Harry was immune from the majority of rules over the Christmas Break.

It wasn't until the last day before anything extraordinary happened, which Harry thought must be a record for Hogwarts. Harry was walking down from Gryffindor Tower to the Entrance Hall, when he noticed snow and mud on the floor. Snow and mud that hadn't been there half an hour beforehand when Harry had left the Entrance Hall. Looking round, Harry decided to follow the marks, which leisurely led him to the passage way down to the dungeons. Steadily he followed the snow, which was turning to water and the mud, then about 500 metres into the passage way he saw a body slumped up against the wall – this body had a mop of striking blonde hair.

'Malfoy.' Harry whispered. Then more loudly, when he didn't receive an answer, 'Malfoy! Malfoy!' trying to capture his attention but when no snide comment escaped his lips or there wasn't even a turn of the head that Harry walked more quickly towards Malfoy.

He bent down, 'Malfoy? Malfoy? Can you fucking hear me Malfoy!' Harry said as he began to get agitated, but he still received no response from Malfoy and so went on to examine him, from what he could see of Malfoy's skin he had extensive cuts, gashes and bruises across his arms and legs. His clothes were ripped and torn, tainted quite profusely with blood, a portion of his hair was matted together with dried blood, he had a black eye and on one side it looked as if it had been smashed in with a bat or mallet. Not only did Malfoy look physically dead, Harry thought he looked mentally exhausted too.

Harry reached out tentively to try and check Malfoy's face wounds, when he rasped, 'Don't touch what you can't afford Potter.'

'Glad to see you haven't lost your smart mouth in your battering Malfoy.'

'That's something I don't think I'll ever lose, just like my charm and good looks.'

'Well it looks as if someone did a pretty good job at trying to deprive you of your 'good looks',' Harry said.

'Fuck off Potter.' Malfoy's eyes closed and it seemed to Harry that he'd either fallen asleep or passed out probably due to pure exhaustion.

'_And he has the right to call me a pansy,_' Harry thought, chuckling.

Harry pulled out his wand and gently levitated Malfoy, he didn't want to carry him in case of any broken bones. Harry walked with Malfoy by his side to the Hospital Wing, where Madame Pomfrey gave a small shriek and commenced to comment something about boys, Malfoy and Harry. Harry stood to the side, while she worked her magic, when she was finally done, she turned to Harry.

'Go to bed Potter, there's nothing to be done, I have done my best, now it's up to him.' She stated.

Before Harry left, he headed to Malfoy's bedside and bent down over Draco's face, swept away a runaway strand of his pure blonde hair from his eyelid that had fallen out of place. Harry then lent forward to kiss him tenderly on the forehead. He paused there for a few moments, his lips brushing Draco's forehead and he treasured the scent and taste of one Draco Malfoy.

0000

Well that's the next chapter, it's getting there. Hope you like. Please review, it helps me a lot to know what you all think…… I really do appreciate them and all the people who take the time to read my fic! TTFN. Lelimo


	13. Draco Malfoy

Well here's another chapter, sorry I've been such a long time over it but I've had exams and lots and lots of school. Plus I went away for half term – skiing – bring it on! So yeah, anyway, I shall continue with the story……

But first I would like to say a BIG thanks to charl1e - so thank you cos you have reviewed forever, since I can remember  hehe and you're always so helpful, a great support line! – thank you, thank you.

Also thank you to shiny-misS who has also constantly reviewed!

You guys are both great – thank you! So anyway on with this story……

Chapter Twelve – Draco Malfoy

Harry returned to Malfoy's bedside everyday without fail after school had finished. He brought his homework with him to do and pass the time otherwise he'd have teachers on his back even more so than they already were. Ron and Hermione couldn't understand why, they questioned him and questioned him as to why he wanted to be there with Malfoy, all Harry could say was that 'they didn't understand.'

'_Of course they don't understand,_' Harry thought as he headed to the Hospital Wing yet again one evening after having his weekly confrontation with Ron and Hermione. They'd told him they didn't know him anymore and he'd retaliated with the fact that had they ever known him? This had rendered them both speechless and so Harry had just stalked off. '_They don't realise the connection I have with him, huh, me, Harry Potter have a connection with Malfoy – who'd have believed it. I'm complex, what can I say? Malfoy's been through more with me these past months than they have in a whole bloody year, so fucking wrapped up in one another._' Harry thought angrily.

He was nearing the Hospital Wing, but before he entered it, Harry paused for a second and took a look at his forearm where there were fresh marks from recent dealings he'd had with a broken shard of glass. However, he could still see those two words, the words that formed the daunting question, the two words that would haunt him forever more – whether he won the final battle or not, they would always be there.

0000

'Ah Mr Potter, bang on 5pm as per usual, well there's a chair there by Mr Malfoy's bed, ready for you.'

'Has…' Harry started.

'No, no change,' Madame Pomfrey interrupted glumly. 'We'll have to wait and see.'

'Right,' Harry mumbled, he looked to the floor and shuffled quietly over to Malfoy's bed.

'_Looking as peaceful as normal, he could almost be dead... Why won't he wake? Doesn't he see I'm suffering here?_' Harry thought selfishly. He shook his head and sighed deeply – what could he do? Nothing, there was nothing he could do, as he was repeatedly told by Madame Pomfrey. Malfoy would make his own way back, in his own time, 'we can't push him Mr Potter.'

'Well hurry up and make your bloody way back Malfoy, you hear me?' Harry nearly shouted.

Harry took deep breaths and transfigured himself a table to work on and got back to tackling the properties of the Angora Potion.

0000

It wasn't until four days later when Harry was sitting watching Malfoy breathe in and out that something finally occurred to Harry. He finally managed to realise why he was here – not here as in his reason for being in the world but here, by Malfoy for the past 10 days. At first he believed the feeling he'd felt to be guilt, which it wasn't, then he'd thought it might be some form of caring that he'd developed and this idea was also completely wrong. Now, today he'd worked it out, it was fascination. Fascination of Malfoy and his complexity – this was what had had Harry at Malfoy's bedside day by day at 5pm sharp.

Harry sighed and said quietly out loud, 'Why… Why is it that we always want what we can not have?' Harry rubbed his eyes and lethargically closed them – he hadn't slept properly in weeks. 'Why not try now?' He asked himself. 'You're not going to be kicked out for another one and a half hours yet and it's not as if Malfoy's giving entertaining conversation at the precise moment.' So Harry led by his thought laid his head on his arms, which were resting by Malfoy's right thigh and began to drift off into an indefinite sleep. He leisurely got himself into a half awake stupor, when he felt a hand run through his hair making him snap his eyes open to look towards Malfoy's face, which was exactly the same as it had been 5 minutes previously – closed and peaceful looking.

'Who said you can't have me?' Rasped Malfoy.

'I'm sorry…?' Harry gasped, 'Malfoy?'

'The one and only……well,' he paused, catching his breath, 'the one and only good looking one anyway.'

Harry just sat and stared open mouthed, and then as if he suddenly knew what he was doing he snapped his mouth shut and retorted, 'who said I was talking about you anyway?' Malfoy didn't reply but looked at Harry, knowingly. Harry pushed himself up without another word and went to look for Madame Pomfrey who was found bustling around in her office. 'Um, excuse me Madame Pomfrey but Malfoy's awake…' Harry stopped abruptly.

'He is? Finally, took a life time for that one to wake, longer than normal I must say but he arrived back in reality, which is good. Well don't just stand there Mr Potter looking like a wide mouthed tree frog, I'm sure Mr Malfoy could do with a long drink. Water of course; no doubt he would love something stronger, I'm afraid that's his bad luck though.'

Harry blinked, still shocked and now even more so at Madame Pomfrey's reaction. It was as if she knew he'd wake, however, it was her job to know such things. Harry fetched the glass of water and took it to Malfoy, who grudgingly propped himself up on his arms to drink the water.

'Now I want some decent clothes, a newspaper, some food…'

Harry interrupted, 'I'm not some bloody house elf you know, so you can forget it.'

'So this is how you treat someone who was nearly killed eh, Potter, with lack of respect and decency?' Malfoy demanded.

'Well now you know how you treat me all the time.'

'Touché,' Malfoy replied.

'Well I'm going now…' Harry commented, but he had no idea why he let Malfoy know this fact, he should to all intense and purposes have just walked from the Hospital Wing without another word to Malfoy. Nevertheless, that was how it was, he'd already said it, he couldn't take it back.

'Back tomorrow?' Malfoy asked. 'For what's it's worth, I'd like your company Potter.' For the first time, Harry nearly saw a pleading, begging Malfoy, a vulnerable and needing Malfoy, who'd never asked for something like this before in his life.

Harry looked at him blankly and then forced his head to nod, confirming that he'd come back.

0000

'…and so that's that. I'm surprised you don't remember your snide remarks to me.'

'I don't remember that much to be honest.'

'What do you remember?' Harry questioned.

Malfoy took a deep breath and looked Harry straight in the eye, weighing the idea of telling him or not. Harry felt as if his whole soul was being read in that one moment but he didn't break Malfoy's gaze until Malfoy himself backed down and looked at his hands.

'My Father……' Malfoy started but the words seemed to get caught in his throat. 'My Mother,' he started again, 'she's dead, she died in front of me.'

Harry realised then that Malfoy couldn't bring himself to say that his Father had killed his Mother right in front of Malfoy's own eyes.

'There was never really any love between them – it wasn't an arranged marriage it was more a marriage for the benefits of others, for example Voldemort, my Mother's family status, society and the Ministry.' Harry looked quizzically at Malfoy at the mention of his last example but Malfoy ignored him. 'Anyway, it was my Mother's job, not privilege, not want but job to have an heir for the Malfoy bloodline and raise him – now that job in my Father's eyes is fulfilled she has been sacked so to speak. I have never known love, never known the meaning of a true family that was how I was brought up – it's what has made me, me. My Father decided it was time, this holiday for me to become what I was brought into this world to be – Voldemort's tool and slave, just like my Father. Father like son.' Malfoy spat at the ground. 'I said no, I didn't want to have anything to do with any of them and my Father taunted me saying things like 'so you're going to be a goody goody now are you?' I told him I wanted to remain neutral, which I'll have you know Potter, is the truth. With my Father though, neutral wasn't an option and so pain and suffering had to happen to 'try and make me see and change my ideals'. This having no effect Voldemort took things into his own hands and punished me and punished me and punished me – I didn't know half the spells he practised on me, all I knew was that they hurt, scarred and damaged me inside and out beyond recognition. Finally I managed to leave, escape,' Malfoy chuckled, 'except it wasn't quite that heroic, probably nowhere near your usual standard Potter. Basically I was allowed to walk from Malfoy Manor with them all thinking I'd die before reaching any form of civilisation, but they were wrong,' Malfoy finished.

'I'm glad they were,' Harry said before he could stop himself.

'Bloody hell Potter, what's with all the soppiness?' Malfoy taunted.

'You can sodding well talk you git, with your little statement yesterday.'

Harry swore he saw a pink tinge rise up in Malfoy's cheeks, 'I don't know what you're fu…'

'Nice to see you awake and immersed in a healthy conversation Draco,' stated Professor Dumbledore.

'Yeah, Potter's doing me the world of good.'

'Well it looks like it, especially with that lovely glow you have about your cheeks.' Dumbledore winked at Harry. 'As I said to Harry about a month ago – you'll be as valuable friend to him as he will be to you. Do not forget that.' Dumbledore eyed both boys. 'Hope to see you back in class soon Draco.' And he walked off.

'I was expecting a lecture from the old coot,' Malfoy said spitefully.

'I think he's learnt that lecturing either of us doesn't help the situation,' Harry said wisely.

They sat in silence for a while, long enough for Harry to go to reach for his homework only as soon as he did he was stopped silently by Malfoy. Harry placed the parchment back on the floor and looked expectantly at Malfoy. When Malfoy didn't say anything Harry sat back in his chair and stared at him – at the curves of his face, at the ever so slight sparkle that had in the past few days appeared in Malfoy's dull grey eyes, at the way his hair flopped over one eye charismatically in an unruly manner.

'Well I've explained, now will you?' Malfoy suddenly said, pulling Harry out from his observations.

'Explain what exactly?'

'Explain this, everything, especially this,' Malfoy gestured to Harry's forearm.

'You think it's as easy as that?' Harry asked.

'No, of course not but it's a start. Make a start, like I did.'

Harry turned his in Malfoy's direction again and began, 'When I lived with my muggle relatives, all the way through my life, until I was 11 years old I live in a cupboard.' Harry expected Malfoy to say something here, at least snigger, do something but Malfoy being Malfoy stayed stony and silent, so Harry continued. 'I received the basics but no love, no gratitude, no idea of what it was to have family. In my eyes I was alone that is until I was introduced into all this, I didn't have my parents but I learnt about them from various sources and so built up my own picture. Meaning that by the end of the first year here I had an idea of real family and I had the security of Hermione, Ron and the Weasley's. Later on I learnt of my Godfather and that he wasn't what I had thought him to be, also I gained a friendship with an old friend of my parents – letting me be one step closer to real family. I was now near and with people who wanted my company, they gave me respect and treated me as someone who was beyond my years all because of who I was. Slowly I let myself love, it was gradual but it happened. Then last summer I lost my Godfather and my world came crumbling down upon me, the love I felt disintegrated to nothing. The people who I felt closest to, the ones who were the last links to my parents became so intent on protecting me as each year I get closer and closer to my fate that it seems as if I, the 16 year old boy has been forgotten. I don't really exist as a person anymore, more as a weapon in the long run to save the world's arse, so I found company within myself, I started to do things, like get these…' Harry pointed to a few of his tattoos. 'Also my muggle Uncle took certain events out on me, as you've seen, so I suppose I became used to the pain and all that, everything bore down on me and caused me to become friendly with a piece of glass.'

Harry looked away, down to the floor and bent to pick up his pieces of parchment. Still not looking at Malfoy, he turned to leave the Hospital Wing.

'Harry.'

Harry turned back to witness Malfoy hold out his hand for Harry to shake – a mutual agreement, not necessarily a friendship, but an agreement of sorts. Slowly Harry's hand went out to meet Malfoy's and he grasped it, shaking.

'Draco.' Harry replied and walked from the Hospital Wing.

0000

Well that's the next chapter… Hope you all like. I've started another story, I'd really appreciate it if anyone would have a read of it and it would really help me. As to this one, please review, press that little button there in the corner… go on… you know you want to…… lol. Thanks Lelimo.


	14. The Haunting of Dreams

I am so sorry for the wait, I really have become terrible at all this. Thank you ever so much to those of you who have reviewed especially to char1e and shiny misS - your reviews are so appriciated. Right, well I'm going to shut up now and let you read the chapter if you want! Hope you like.

Chapter Thirteen – The Haunting of Dreams

Harry knew that Draco had left the Hospital Wing some days earlier but he hadn't seen him nor spoken to him since their last encounter in the Hospital Wing. Harry wondered if he was right in telling Draco about his past, everything. Harry was gradually retreating back into himself again, shutting himself away… ignoring all that Hermione and Ron were discussing – something to do with holding a Valentines Day Ball.

'_Bloody fucking great all I need – smug couples._' Harry thought bitterly to himself. The cutting was continuing, people said drugs were addicting, they said that alcohol was addicting. That was what they all said but it wasn't necessarily the case. Harry was addicted to cutting, he'd never considered smoking nor alcohol – this was his release. 'It's a release, an escape, a relief from pain.' That was the excuse he told himself every time he watched the glass pierce his tainted and scarred skin. As the blood flowed freely down his arm and onto the floor letting all the pain contained within him flow away with it. He didn't have any more obvious bruises or cuts/scars left from what his 'Uncle' had done – they'd healed, on the outside at least. The cuts he had now were completely self inflicted, no one made him do it but then no one prevented him either, which created even more incentive and made it even more addictive. He had the power.

0000

The next morning in the Great Hall was the first time he saw Draco. He watched Draco walk straight past him, he didn't nod, didn't even cast a quick glance in his direction. Harry gulped and felt betrayed, felt anger rise within him, felt stupid for believing he had made progress a couple of days ago. He looked at Draco in shame and bent his head so no one could see the tears forming in his eyes.

'_I'm turning into a girl and nearly crying over Draco Malfoy… could it get much worse? SHIT! There should at least a decent reason to cry and Draco Malfoy definitely doesn't fall into that category._' Harry whispered into his arms. He began to shake with rage at himself, at the people around him, at his 'enemy'. There was no one near him at the precise moment; the majority of people were giving him a wide berth. Even Ron and Hermione who normally stuck with him through out were giving him space because of what they called his 'strange' behaviour – they just couldn't handle him changing. So no one noticed the anger radiating from him Harry, they all chatted and laughed as per normal. Even the ever watchful Draco Malfoy was engrossed in another letter he'd been sent.

Progressively Harry calmed down and decided he should eat something as he'd missed meals for the past 2 days running due to essays and work he'd had.

'Toast and pumpkin juice, I think,' Harry said and there they were – toast on his plate and pumpkin juice in his glass. Harry blinked and looked again – they were still there, he raised his head, there was no one close enough to have placed them there or hear what he'd wanted. Harry was so spooked he grabbed the toast and ran from the Great Hall in confusion.

0000

Harry went through the rest of the day avoiding any of his friends or 'friends' including Remus – the incident at breakfast had been playing on his mind continuously. Especially with the fact that they'd both suddenly appeared on his plate and in his goblet.

'_Food doesn't appear on peoples plates – it appears on the ones in the centre of the table so how the fuck did they get there?_' Harry pondered to himself as he quickly and silently moved down the corridors to the Gryffindor Common Room. He marched straight into the Common Room creating a large amount of disturbance and general noise.

'Jees Potter,' spat Dean, 'you're already popular enough you don't have to try and make us look at you.'

Harry tried with all his might not to let this immature, petty comment get to him, he had plenty on his mind, what with Malfoy, the incident, Ron and Hermione and rebuilding their friendship. Harry was about to step up to the dormitory but he couldn't do it, it was too much and he turned round to the sneering face of Dean. The look Dean was giving him was a look he would have expected to see on Malfoy's face a couple of years ago and Harry's hand was itching to reach up and punch it but he contained himself, this was a 'friend' and a member of his house.

'What exactly is your problem Thomas?' Harry enquired in the nicest tone he could muster.

Dean looked at him, 'you.'

'And what exactly have I done to you to make you hate me so much?'

Harry waited for a reply but none came from Dean, he seemed to be stuck for words. Harry decided to end this once and for all so he advanced over to Dean who drew back as if on his guard. Dean was tall too and so Harry was looking him in the eye trying to sum him up.

'I'm sorry for obviously hurting you in some way, but I didn't realise I had. So I'm now apologising for the annoyance I seem to have caused you.' Harry paused and he felt the anger slowly rise up within him. 'If it's just my mere fucking existence that causes you grief well then bad bloody luck because I am going nowhere, you'd better get used to it. Who exactly is going to be the one saving your scrawny arse in the end, huh? So fucking well give me a break – I have done nothing. Just lay off.'

Dean looked stunned, surprised and scared all at the same time, Harry thought it best to leave now otherwise he knew he would do something he'd regret, like letting his itching hand win. Suddenly Harry heard the sound of clapping, a first year had stood up and was applauding. Slowly more people stood up and gave him a clap, Harry turned back to Dean ignoring the clapping, lent in towards him and whispered, 'see, did I ask for this? Any of this? This happens because I'm me and I can't help it. If you think you could do a better job, good luck. But I did not, I did not ask for it. So lay off, ok?'

Harry just looked at Dean and repeated, 'ok?' Dean just nodded in response and Harry made a quick exit, running up the stairs to his dormitory to hide away on his bed, where he felt vaguely safe. The clapping sound resounding in his ears.

0000

It was about 1.30am when Harry woke, he blinked and reached for his glasses, he couldn't explain his awakening, he'd been in a perfectly peaceful sleep. Harry lifted himself out of bed and walked to the window where Hedwig was resting. Putting out his hand to stroke her as she perched by the window, her pure, white feathers intermingling with his long, coarse fingers. Harry watched the outside world – the blackness, just touched ever so slightly by a silvery glow from the moon that appeared through the invisible clouds.

Harry realised sleep was very unlikely to hit him again and so he grabbed a book from his bedside and headed downstairs into the Common Room.

0000

Harry had been sitting reading for nearly an hour and a half – Hermione would have been very proud of him – he had heard nothing, seen nothing, not even a house elf. Although having said that he was enjoying the peace, the serenity, it was something he didn't manage to do much very often nowadays.

'_No Hermione, no Ron, no Dumbledore, no Malfoy, no __Dean bloody Thomas, no Remus, no no-one. Now that is what I call heaven, lonely but a nice taste of peace and heaven._' Harry considered to himself.

Harry was about to settle down to reading his book again when something in the corner of his eye caught his attention, he looked up.

'Hello?' he questioned. 'Hello? Is anyone there?'

There was no answer so Harry presumed it was just the shadows dancing with the candlelight. But then it happened again, just as he had started his book, however this time the movement was closer and more overbearing on his mind. Harry gave his head a violent shake.

'_Stop being stupid, there is nothing there, just concentrate on something else, like the Valentines Ball and how absolutely awful it's going to be…_' Harry made himself think and concentrate. He was beginning to bring himself back to reality, far away from the Valentines Ball when what he thought was a dark black mass in front of his eyes hit him, not physically; it just hit him and hard causing to fall into instant unconsciousness.

0000

'Come on, wake up Harry Potter, wake up, there's a good boy.' Harry wanted the voice to sound comforting but it only sounded as if it was mocking and patronising him, which in turn Harry found out it was. 'There's a good boy, open your eyes now……' Harry tried…… 'Oh dear, what's that… can't you open your eyes?' Harry wanted to but it was impossible, then the voice started again. 'I want you to try and speak Harry Potter, try and scream, make yourself known, scream Harry Potter, scream.' The voice taunted.

Harry didn't want this thing to see him suffer and relinquish in his pain nor try in vain to speak because he knew if he tried, he wouldn't be able to scream. Harry could feel the stitches through his lips, holding them together. Preventing him from making a single sound.

'Well, well, this is a difficult position you seem to have gotten yourself into, oh dear.' The voice laughed, evilly and loudly.

Harry felt sick, he gulped and tried to calm down, he needed to be in control of his emotions otherwise he'd end up hurting himself and seeing as he had no idea of the situation that probably wouldn't be the best of ideas. Harry tried to move but in his attempt he found his wrists and legs were tied making any movement impossible.

'Do you know what it's like to feel real pain Harry Potter? Serious heart wrenching pain, such terrible pain that you just want to crawl up and die?' The voice asked.

Harry had felt pain and he had wanted to kill himself once before when life at Privet Drive had become so utterly horrendous that he had wanted to die. However, the two things had never been connected with each other but it looked to Harry as if there was still going to be a chance of that happening now.

'_If only I could do something……_' Harry thought hopelessly.

The voice started to laugh again, this time it had resorted to being cold, mocking and evil, while making Harry extremely uncomfortable.

'There is no point in trying anything Harry Potter, you are going to die.' It was almost as if it had read his mind.

'_No I won't, I won't,_' Harry started to sweat, it was getting very hot… '_I will do something, if only I could get these bonds off my wrists and legs – they really have to go before I can do anything._' Harry thought, so they went.

'What! What is going on here?' The voice started to panic. 'How? Harry Potter, what have you done? A very nice trick there Harry Potter.'

Then everything went quiet, Harry was too stunned and exhausted to even try and attempt anything else so he sat himself on the ground trying to regain any possible strength he had left. Everything was so unfamiliar to him, he didn't dare to reach out, not knowing what would be there or where he was. '_And I thought I was brave._' Harry laughed to himself. With all these thoughts swimming around in his head Harry had forgotten about the other thing that surrounded him until it began to speak from above his head.

'Well, well this is quite an interesting situation we have got ourselves into, is it not Harry Potter?'

It was just how Harry remembered it, each hit, each blow, each cut and bruise created forever imprinted on his mind. This was had created him this year so far and it was now happening all over again, expect ten times worse. Harry kept trying to stand up but each hit to his back made him fall back down and smash against the floor. Harry could tell that he was evidently gaining new cuts and bruises, new scars. He lifted his hand to his head very gingerly and felt his hair matted with blood from where his head had struck the floor. All Harry could feel was the pain running through his body like adrenalin. His body was becoming more and more paralysed with pain to such a great extent he wasn't sure at one point whether he had any limbs left attached to his body.

It stopped. Suddenly. Harry dared to try and move to make to stand up. As soon as he made to do this he knew it was a serious mistake, the high cruel laugh pierced the silent atmosphere. The laugh rung in his ears, it tormented him while the slashing at his back continued and the blood gushed onto the floor.

0000

'GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME!' Harry lurched away but a pair of strong arms pulled him back upright.

'Woah mate, what the heck are you doing? It's me. You can't walk by yourself, have you seen the state you're in? You have to stay still and walk, I'm trying to get you to the Hospital Wing.'

Harry stopped dead in his tracks. '_What's going on here?_' Harry thought extremely confused. His hand reached up to his lips, he could feel the stitches still protruding his lips… '_But how am I talking then?_' Harry wondered.

'Come on Harry. I can't carry you there by myself.' And the strong hands guided him up stairs, down stairs and along corridors to the Hospital Wing. Harry walked along in a daze and during the walk he looked to his side and saw that the person who was holding him was Ron.

0000

Well there we go, the next chapter, sorry it wasn't particularly long. If anyone has any ideas as to where this story can go, I'd be much obliged to hear them. I have an idea but I don't know if its good enough. Thank you ever so much for putting up with me and my terrible updating. To those of you who haven't reviewed please do... I'd love to hear your comments. Thank you thank you! Lelimo


	15. Explanations

Well here is another chapter, I'm getting there with the Draco/Harry, so please don't hate me. I don't go for the automatic, they fall in love kinda thing, so sorry. But I hope you like this next instalment. Cheers! Lelimo.

Chapter fourteen – Explanations

'There's no point.'

'You are going to die.'

'Such terrible pain.'

'You just want to die.'

'ARGHHH!' Harry awoke screaming. 'Nooo, I WON'T DIE, I WON'T I WON'T!'

'Mr Potter please calm down, you are not going to die, not today anyway if I have anything to do with it.' Madame Pomfrey said in a soothing voice.

Harry settled down against the pillows on his bed and drank the funny green mixture handed to him by Madame Pomfrey, this time, no questions asked.

'Well as per usual, you have had a queue of visitors, waiting for you to wake and you can expect a visit from the Headmaster that is nearly certain.'

Harry rolled his eyes; Dumbledore was so un-fuckingly-predictable. Madame Pomfrey stared at him.

'Well aren't you going to ask?' Harry questioned bluntly.

'Ask you what exactly Mr Potter? Anyway, it is not place to do so,' she snapped and walked away.

'Doesn't matter anyway, everyone around hears what happens to me whether I like it or not,' Harry mumbled to himself. 'THERE'S NO BLOODY PRIVACY!' Harry coughed and lay down – he recalled last night, every single detail, every jeer, every laugh, every insult, and every cut. More scars, more cuts, more bruises – they were becoming a permanent feature of him – emotionally, physically and mentally. Harry couldn't bring himself to sleep, he was sure if he closed his eyes he would see the rope binding his hands and feet, he would feel the whip against his back, he would hear the voice constantly taunting him and he would taste and see the blood pouring from his face and back. All Harry could do was wait, so he waited.

0000

Later on in the day, he didn't receive who he had guessed would be his first visitor, instead of Dumbledore, Ron and Hermione appeared by his bedside. They came tentively towards him, they moved round his bed as if he was a detonated bomb ready to explode. Hermione had a weak smile on her lips and Ron had the all too familiar confused look spread across his face.

'How are you feeling?' Hermione enquired.

Harry turned his head slowly to face her and pierced her chocolate brown eyes with his dark, brooding green ones and replied slowly, 'like someone has stuck a thousand knives in me and used me for a pin cushion.' Normally between them this may have been funny but today wasn't a day for laughs.

Although having said that, Ron did try by saying, 'not good then,' followed by a nervous chuckle but stopped suddenly when he realised it wouldn't work. Hermione reached out to Harry and touched him on the hand, Harry flinched automatically but looked down to see her grasp his hand in hers.

He waited a while and then said, 'Ron I wanted to say thank you for helping me. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been passing, so thank you.'

'Uh, er…… that's er, perfectly fine mate, anytime, anytime,' Ron stuttered, finally finding the words.

Then there was a rather uncomfortable pause, where predictably Hermione started again, 'I can't do this anymore Harry, why don't you talk to us anymore? What's happened? We want to help, we really do……' She trailed off under his gaze.

Harry sat there, not saying anything and took his hand from Hermione's much to her dismay and cast his eyes down at it. He continued to look at it as he spoke.

'What do you expect? For everything to be the way it was, you have to be extremely naïve to believe that. For us to now take Voldemort as a light joke, a topic of discussion, an adventure, like we did? Things changed, I changed,' Harry stopped, 'you changed.' He bent his head even further down to avoid any possible eye contact. 'You think I would want everything to be like this? All of us knowing that soon I shall have to kill or be killed and us not on speaking terms, the people I consider to be friends bitching about me behind my back and in the end to have to cope all alone. Yeah, yeah I know you're there, but you're not – you two have each other now, which I'm not annoyed about of course but now that's all you seem to see – each other. Plus don't forget two's company, three's a crowd.' Hermione tried to interrupt. 'Don't bother, you know I'm right, you don't want me hanging around you anymore, especially as I get in the way of all the lovey dovey stuff, it's evident and understandable,' Harry breathed, 'so I think it's best that you both left now. I will always love you guys but you will never understand what it's like to stand in a crowd of people and feel utterly alone.' Harry finished, he turned his back on Hermione and Ron and closed his eyes.

After about a minute he heard two sets of feet walk from the Hospital Wing and maybe from his life. He was partly to blame but also this way it stopped them getting hurt anymore than needed.

0000

Harry was back at school within 2 days pf waking, physically Madame Pomfrey considered him perfectly healthy. She hadn't mentioned the deep cuts on his back, she just tended to them and she didn't touch the cuts on his arms. After all it wasn't her place.

Harry was more of a recluse than ever now, he didn't bother people and they in turn didn't bother him. Ron and HerHErHHHndskmcfndkHermione said hello or good morning and smiled at him in a friendly manner but that was about it. Harry ate one maybe two meals a day, no more, he spent a lot of time on his work, in his room or the library and he also went to training. Training – the fighting was nearly complete, (he was trained in most martial arts, kick boxing, boxing and simple hand to hand combat) and Harry was extremely glad that is was all nearly over. He could practice in peace in the Room of Requirement with no interruptions and no worrying Remus.

'_I have to get away from him, Remus can't leave the fact that I've changed let alone deal with the things that have changed with me. He doesn't seem to understand anything and it's bloody gay._' Harry thought after severely beating Remus' arse at boxing.

Harry had a lot to think about and now was not the time to have Remus on his back.

0000

In a Potions lesson one day at the beginning of February, Harry was in his usual place, which was now a permanent seat in the back right hand corner by himself waiting for Snape to arrive when Draco Malfoy came and sat by him. Firstly Harry was completely stunned and lost for words but then realised that he hadn't done this out of choice nor an act of friendship or kindness nor was it anything to do with the silent deal they'd made, it was due to the lack of anymore available seats.

'_Bloody typical,_' thought Harry to himself. '_The one person who I thought I could have a silent and secret friend in deserts me. Well nothing different there then from the norm._'

Snape still hadn't appeared and Harry could sense Malfoy looking at him, he didn't know why, he didn't care why, he just wanted Malfoy to fucking stop it. Harry was about to say something when Snape entered the classroom and barked, 'Potter! Go and see the Headmaster, now!'

Harry picked up all his belongings trying profusely not to touch Malfoy and cast one quick sideways glance at him only to see Malfoy looking supposedly intently at the board.

'As per usual, nothing,' Harry muttered under his breath as he left the classroom, not realising the burning desire that Malfoy had to talk to him.

0000

Harry didn't bother to knock as he reached the door of the Dumbledore's office, the old man knew he was there, so what was the point? When Harry walked in, nothing was different. Every gadget was still in the same place, all the books lined all the shelves and there at his desk was Dumbledore himself, as predicted.

'Hello Harry.'

'Sir. You wanted to see me?' Harry asked.

'Yes I did. You see, I had this rather panicky Miss Granger and quite a worried Mr Weasley up here yesterday wanting to tell me about you and your choices.' Harry groaned and shook his head, yet Dumbledore continued ignoring Harry's actions. 'Is there anything you wish to tell me Harry? Before we go any further… for instance to do with these choices?' Harry shook his head once again causing Dumbledore to sigh. 'Very well, can you please tell me where you received those cuts on your back from?'

'My dream.' Harry whispered. 'It was my dream, my fucking dream.' Harry didn't bother to say sorry for swearing.

'Can you tell me about this dream?' Dumbledore requested.

Harry looked carefully at Dumbledore; he studied Dumbledore's clear blue eyes peering at him over the half moon spectacles and then started to speak. 'He had me bound in a rope, I couldn't move or speak or see.' Harry got up and started to move around the room in an impatient manner. 'He taunted me, teased me and in vain I tried and tried to do something about it but my pain just increased, this searing, heart wrenching pain. It was as if someone was trying to push a pole through my head and split me apart, it was like this throughout my body, it became worse and they kept doing it as if they couldn't cause me enough pain. Voldemort was playing with me and I was powerless to stop it. Then he started to whip me across my back, hence the cuts, slash after slash and I now have a total of 74 cuts and slashes there according to Madame Pomfrey, who strangely thought I might like to know.'

Harry stopped his tale and stared over at Dumbledore who had his head bent, as if in prayer.

'Harry…… I have no answer; I have no explanation and no guidance in this. Voldemort is playing with fire and it is something I have never come across. You are now a skilled legimins, which you have proven to me. My guess is that Voldemort has found something new, older and darker magic beyond my recognition.'

'Oh you don't say.' Harry interrupted sarcastically, he was angry, very angry, and the one person he thought he could depend upon was letting him down, just like everyone else.

'Please Harry, you must realise, even if I seem to be a very annoying and interfering old man, I do care an extreme amount about you and your welfare and I am personally going to work day and night to figure out what Voldemort is doing.'

Harry looked guiltily towards Dumbledore. Harry now realised with new perspective that things weren't always as they seemed and that Dumbledore wasn't always going to be around to help and know the answers.

'_He is only trying to help, he maybe a bloody fool but he is the most powerful wizard on the earth and he's your friend._' Harry thought. Once he had grasped this concept, he couldn't bring himself to say thank you though and that to him was a very sad thing.

'Is there anything else Professor? I'll come and inform you if anything else occurs.'

'Certainly Harry, that's fine. But one more thing.'

'Yes Professor?'

'I'm guessing that Voldemort didn't put these cuts here.' Dumbledore said taking hold of Harry's arm and squeezing his wrist. Harry looked down at his arm and quickly pulled it away behind his back.

'No Sir, he didn't'

'Right…'

And Harry ran from the office before Dumbledore could say anymore.

0000

It was about 6pm and so Harry still had time before dinner that is if he felt like any and so slowly made his way up to the library.

He walked in; his head hung looking at his arm. Harry didn't realise where he was headed in the library, he passed tables, chairs and bookshelves until he came to the very back.

Harry absorbed himself in a book that had come to hand first, he wasn't really reading it to be honest, he wasn't even attempting, and he was just casting his eyes over the pages and turning them in stead.

'Looks interesting.' Said a voice.

'I wouldn't know, I don't even know what it's about.'

Malfoy didn't reply, he just pushed 4 bits of parchment across the table to Harry and sat down.

Harry looked at them and then turned his gaze to Malfoy. 'Harry.' Harry went wide eyed at this remark. 'Harry, please read them.' Malfoy pleaded.

Harry picked the top one up in between his thumb and index finger. He turned it in his hand; saw the Malfoy crest and the word 'Draco' written in red ink on the front. Carefully he opened it, looking away from Malfoy and began to read:

Draco,

Finally it is time for you to join us and complete your goal in life, this Christmas will probably give us the opportune moment, plus it will make things less suspicious than me having to take you from school. I know our Lord will be very pleased with you deciding to join us and we will finally be able to stand by his side, Father and son. Proud to be Malfoys, proud to be associated with the Lord. I await to hear from you, a confirmation you will be here. You will be here.

Lucius

Harry glanced fleetingly at Malfoy who was staring at the remaining letters. Harry moved his hand to pick up another, to which Malfoy reacted by placing his hand on Harry's, preventing him. Then as if he realised this gesture he jerked it back and began to speak instead.

'Don't bother they're all almost exactly the same, except a lot angrier because I wouldn't do as he said. The last two are from after Christmas and you saw me then, so that doesn't need an explanation. From the age of 4, everything that my Father believed to be correct was drummed; well, more beated into me continuously until I acknowledged it. When I came here, to Hogwarts I saw things in a different light – on the inside, I couldn't be me on the outside it would have been social suicide. I saw how you rejected me for something far better, which made me jealous and determined to hate you.' Malfoy shook his head and continued. 'But I couldn't, I bloody well couldn't, I was weak, I was weakening, feeling emotion – BLOODY EMOTION. I'M A FUCKING MALFOY, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL. Do you realise how scary it is? No you probably don't.'

All the emotion Malfoy had portrayed in this speech made Harry look at him in a different light. Things were definitely not all black and white as he had believed until last summer and this speech was the last proof Harry needed that there are shades of grey in life.

'It isn't weakness Draco. It's a strength, a good thing. Emotion gives you reason to what you feel and how you react. You should never undervalue your emotions. With this comes someone who will cover your back and be there when you fall, not stab you in it.' Harry commented.

'_If someone was to see us now,_' Harry laughed to himself, '_two physically completely different people who aren't very dissimilar on the inside._' He shook his head.

'Well, I'm glad to know there is some good inside of you Draco, see; it is possible to break through that cold, hard exterior.'

'But it doesn't do my image any good.' Draco smirked.

Harry gave a lop sided grin in return. 'Is that all you think about? On second thoughts don't answer that, I don't think I want to know.' And they both laughed, proper laughs, as if they had been friends for their lifetimes. Although, this sound to Harry seemed strangely unfamiliar to him, a good, hearty laugh and he guessed it was the same for Draco.

'Thanks for the explanation Draco.'

'Hmm. I'm not proud of it but you might as well keep the other letters too, they may answer things for you, questions you've wanted answers to.' Draco stood up. Harry was about to speak when Draco interrupted, 'yes it was him who did that to me Harry and that was nothing, trust me. It was nothing.'

'But he almost ki……' Harry was cut off by Draco's finger on his lips.

'Almost, exactly, no point dwelling on it now. At least I don't try and kill myself.' Draco glared at Harry but the glare didn't hold the same malice that it had held for the 5 previous years, it had softened. Harry saw through the molten silver eyes, he was beginning to be able to see into his soul and Draco was letting him.

'You know nothing about that.' Harry said sadly.

'Night Harry.'

'Night.' Draco left.

'_Well that was certainly interesting. I'm glad we're starting to see eye to eye on this, maybe Dumbledore was right and maybe Draco will be a valuable friend to have._' Harry's train of thought took a drastic turn. '_He put his finger to my lips, the way he caressed my lips in one touch and didn't retrieve it too suddenly, it was as if he wanted it to be there. The way his hair fell wildly over his face, the way he tried to be his normal self but failed and ended up as a scared little boy. So he's human after all, that's good, I don't think I could fall for something inhumane._' Harry paused, '_yes,_' he admitted to himself, '_I've fallen for Draco Malfoy._' Harry pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind and began to walk from the library.

On his way back to the common room he noticed a poster on one of the walls, stating – Hogwart's Valentines Day Ball, Saturday 16th, 7.30pm, The Great Hall. Black Tie Dress (muggle).

'Gay, fucking gay,' Harry muttered angrily but then the irony dawned on him, although he couldn't bring himself to laugh like he had not 15 minutes ago. This wasn't good – Draco would no doubt have a date, a female date.

0000

Well there we go, another chapter. Sorry it's taken so long to update but I have made up for it by making it a little longer. I hope you like it. Also I've just started another fan fic and would be most appreciative if you would give it a look, it's called – Everybody has a Secret. Well you know by now what that little GO button in the corner is for, so use it! Lol, hint hint, please I really love your reviews, they help and inspire me so much. Thanks, Lelimo.


	16. The Valentines Day Ball Part 1

Well I've finally managed to get my act together and write another chapter. Sorry it's been so long, I really am terrible in comparison to those who update every week. Anyway, no more random ramblings from me, I shall just get on with the story, this chapter is quite descriptive, not a lot of talking, so if you don't like I hope you'll forgive me! Getting closer to Draco and Harry actually doing something about one another…..! Read and I hope you enjoy.

Chapter Fifteen – The Valentines Day Ball Part 1

'Ahem,' Harry cleared his throat. 'Do you think I could speak to you for a minute?' There was still no reply – 'I know what I said but this is very important.'

Hermione finally turned around, Harry saw on her lap details about the Valentines Day Ball, which was looming up fast.

'I thought Harry Potter didn't grace us with his presence any longer?' She said spitefully.

'I deserved that.' Harry admitted to which Hermione shrugged her shoulders at him and look expectantly up at him. 'But, well, it's about that,' he said pointing to the piece of parchment on her lap.

Hermione's eyes shone, giving away her real feelings but suddenly she began to blush. 'Oh, um, Harry?'

'Yes?' Harry questioned confused, he was supposed to be speaking.

'You see, I would love to normally, despite everything but, well, I am Ron's girlfriend and so I th…' Hermione was cut off by Harry's laugh.

'You really thought I was asking you to the Ball! Amazing, utterly amazing. No Hermione, I'm not, not even to cover the fact that I'm gay. I was going to apologise but now I'll tell you straight. I'm not coming.'

'WHAT!' Hermione screamed as the redness in her cheeks turned from embarrassment to anger. 'After all this, I have tried to make this the best ball Hogwarts has ever seen and you're not coming! You don't have to talk to us, Ron and I, I can live with that. However, not to come to something that means a lot to me, well Mr Potter that's just disrespectful and down right rude. Surely our 6 years of friendship meant more? You know what, never mind, do what you like, I don't care anymore.' Hermione ran up the stairs to the girl's dorm.

Just as Hermione had finished her lecture, Ron walked into Common Room.

'Oh fuck.' Harry muttered.

'To provoke that kind of reaction you must have said something bad. She's worked really hard on this Ball, it might be dire but she's organised it.' Ron sighed. 'Hermione's been worried sick about you and there's nothing I can do to make it better. Come for her, one more thing before you desert us completely.'

Harry looked at Ron and Ron looked directly back at him with pity written all over his face. Harry didn't know what to say, Ron turned and went to talk to Ginny.

'_I deserved that I suppose, but why can't Hermione see it from my point of view? I'm an outcast now and would not be welcome there, so why doesn't she understand? I don't belong, not anymore._' Harry thought exasperatedly. '_Well, she leaves me no choice._'

0000

Harry sat at the Gryffindor Table in the Great Hall the day before the Ball and opened yet another one.

'Dearest Harry,

I would be delighted if you would go with me to the Ball.

Love Susan Bones'

'She's left it a bit late,' Harry smiled wryly to himself. That was the 26th letter or request he had received from girls who wanted to go with him to the Ball and he had turned down each and every one of them. Susan Bones' would be no different. He was tired, so tired and fed up, why couldn't this year just come to an end?

He looked right down the table and saw all his fellow class mates laughing and chatting about something. 'I would have been there in the past, the past.' Harry looked around him; a half eaten piece of toast and a glass of pumpkin juice were his only companions. He didn't even know when he had stopped thinking of them as his friends. Everything rolled into one, his life, this year, he wasn't sure when anything had happened now, He didn't know when his extra lessons had finished, nor did he realise that he had done his homework, it was just done and that was that. No one spoke to him unless they had to, even Remus, good old Remus was giving him a wide berth. All of it was becoming pointless.

An owl flew down and dropped a letter in front of him; Harry didn't recognise the owl but opened the letter begrudgingly, expecting the worst.

'I know what you were thinking Potter, you thought this was yet another soppy request. Hate to burst your arrogant ego but no it isn't.'

Harry laughed; it was a laugh of relief rather than joy. However the note turned a little more serious.

'Can you please (do you notice I said please) destroy those letters once you have finished with them. I never want to see them again Harry, I would also be grateful if you would destroy this. It would ruin my reputation if anyone else found it, which you may enjoy to see, I on the other hand would be crushed with embarrassment. I did have the idea to make this self destruct in your face, which I would find amusing. However, I decided against that because you probably wouldn't and I trust you to get rid of it.

Well here's to the Ball (you're supposed to raise your glass) and all the bloody fun time we'll have there. Oh sodding Merlin.

D'

Harry shook his head with dismay and thought of the letters upstairs in his bedside table, just sitting there containing some of the information he needed to know. He would burn them as Malfoy asked, Malfoy's wish was his command but he would never let Malfoy know that. '_That would be complete social suicide._'

Harry folded the letter and placed it on the table. Quickly he looked around to make sure no one was paying particular attention to him and muttered, 'incendio.' The letter burst into flames which danced across the table and the letter was gone. Harry's head shot up and his eyes gazed across to the Slytherin table where Malfoy gave a slight nod and Harry raised his glass. This nod indicated the link between them as acquaintances and that was all, no more on Malfoy's part, Harry thought.

'How I wish I could hold him and protect him from his Father. Although if I tried to do that I'd probably spend the rest of my life as a toad.' Harry chuckled. 'I wouldn't put it past him nor do I plan to test it. Don't think my constitution could stand it.'

0000

Harry managed to get through yet another day and was now in the safety of the Room of Requirement practicing and keeping in shape. He had spent the last hour practicing all the illegal and difficult spells he'd learnt from Remus. Now he had a punch bag and kick boxing bag in the room along with towels, bottles upon bottles of water and the most important thing – a CD player. The CD player was blasting out music at full volume while Harry hit, whacked and punched the punch bag. Then he would kick and smash his legs into the kick boxing bag as he sang to himself in his head.

'Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,

Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness,

Because I can't hold on

When I'm stretched so thin

I make the right moves but I'm lost within,

I put on my daily façade but then I just end up getting hurt again,

By myself,

I ask why but in my mind,

I find I can't rely on myself,

I can't hold on.'

Harry paused and leaned against his bag, panting. His hair was stuck to his forehead with sweat and his grey t-shirt was nearly all dark grey with sweat. Harry glanced at his watch and realised he had been here for nearly 3 hours. 'Unbelievable, how time flies when you have something to take your anger out on.' Harry smirked and looked down at his arm. There were fresh cuts across it, all blood red and angry, some reaching to burst open with pain, others releasing drops of blood onto the floor due to the strain he had submitted his arms to. He grabbed a towel and a bottle of water and lay on the floor staring up at the blank ceiling.

Harry sat up and removed his t-shirt, rotating his shoulders as he did trying to banish the knots in his muscles. Hermione had always been able to massage them away but then was then and this is now, no Hermione. Harry's tattoos gleamed with sweat; it looked as if the snake was emitting tears from its black eye. Harry jumped up and moved to kick box, he stood in the stance that Remus had taught him and went for it, released his anger. His leg slammed into the bag making it vibrate, swinging the leg back down he brought the other up and made fast contact with the bag causing it to indignantly swing in the opposite direction. This continued every time Harry hit the bag he saw red, he saw anger, he saw Voldemort, Dumbledore, Hermione, Ron, Remus, Draco, Sirius and even his parents.

'How.' His leg smacked the bag. 'Could.' The bag made contact with his shin. 'They.' He jumped. 'Leave.' The other leg hit the bag full on. 'Me.' He landed on two feet like a panther and slumped to the floor letting two pure tears mingle in with the salty sweat.

0000

It was here. The Valentines Day Ball. This was it and he still didn't know why he was going, it wasn't as if he had neither a date nor anyone to go for. As he had thought earlier, it was bloody pointless.

Dinner had been cancelled as food was included at the Ball so this meant Harry didn't have to eat. In turn he would have more chance in being able to prop up the drinks table once he had severely attacked the punch. What he needed was Fred and George Weasley to crack a few jokes and make some rude but harmless comments about Ron to make him laugh through this. However, that was not to be, they too had stopped bothering with him really due to failing in being able to withdraw a word from him.

Harry sat himself down on the side of his bed with his dress robes laid neatly out next to him. His idea of a perfect evening would be to go into the Common Room place his dress robes on the fire, come back up to his dorm and read himself to sleep. Owing to the fact that he was severely trapped, this would not occur much to his disappointment.

'_Maybe I could make an appearance for half an hour, so Hermione would see me and then leave._' Harry pondered. '_No one would miss me, no one will want a dance with me and no one will honestly be expecting me to turn up._'

Harry continued to think about his plan and the possibility of him achieving this goal. The more he thought about it the more appealing an idea it appeared to be. It had a lot of benefits and the only problem would be if Hermione noticed then he would never hear the end of it. Although, he could lie – something he was becoming particularly good at now. All in all Harry came to the conclusion that this was a plan to be put into action.

He took his dress robes from his bed and started to change. All the others in his dorm had gone to meet their dates about 15 minutes ago, leaving him alone and to arrive alone and late. Quickly he shot a glance at the mirror and felt surprisingly pleased with himself. He was in black, black trousers, black shirt, with a black set of tails and with his jet black hair falling over his face in its usual 'style', he thought he looked presentable. He opened the top button of his shirt partly because he was overheating and partly so he could breathe and wouldn't choke. Harry had bought himself a white bow tie, which he draped round his neck and left untied.

'Why am I even bothering?'

0000

He descended the stairs into the main entrance and shivered. Harry looked to his right and saw that the main doors were open, which seemed relatively odd. He made his way to the doors to push them closed when he saw the first sign of snow that year fall from the sky and land on ground in front of him. It began to fall faster and faster in the snow flakes almost as big as his fingernails. Harry stepped round the door and out into the snow. He stood there letting the snow touch his hair, his face and his clothes tainting them all. The cold began to get to him gradually and he had to move back inside to the warm. This however, didn't stop him from watching the snow fall to the earth for the next 10 minutes.

Harry smiled to himself as he saw the snow cover the earth like a blanket, keeping it warm and safe from harm. '_How ironic and quite an oxymoron. If only this was true and possible but unfortunately it can never be the case,_' Harry thought bitterly to himself. With this thought at the front of his mind, Harry entered the Great Hall.

For the second time the night Harry was stunned and surprised. Hanging from the ceiling were white fairy lights mixing with the candles, all underneath a silver canopy that peaked in the middle of the middle of the ceiling and then hung down attached to the outer walls of the room. There was seating and tables full of food placed precisely around the room, while in the centre there was a large space for a dance floor.

Where the teachers table normally was there was a jazz band which was in full swing and a table for drinks. Harry observed it was managed by Snape who looked as if he'd rather die and McGonagall who obviously thought any student who touched the alcoholic punch was a spawn of Satan. The Great Hall was full of laughter and merriment, Hermione had obviously made it a great success. Harry saw the first few couples tentatively move out onto the dance floor and begin to move round the space, some elegantly, others definitely not so elegant.

Harry went and retrieved himself a drink, which provoked a surprised but knowing look between Snape and McGonagall. He went and stood to the side of the dance floor and placed the drink on an empty table, watching the dancers. The crowd ahead of him parted as they moved their separate ways, some for drinks others to dance, which provided him with a scene he did not want to see.

Draco Malfoy, all in black, creating a stir wherever he looked or moved to. The girls swooned and the guys looked on with pea green jealousy. Then with him was a very gleeful Pansy Parkinson, which made matters five million times worse as she was lapping up the attention she was receiving for having gained Malfoy as her date. Harry thought her choice of wear was disgusting, it made him want to puke. Her dress, if you could call it that, was very short, very pink and repulsively sparkly adorned with a rather large purple flower attached to the front. Harry was pleased Malfoy was looking everywhere except at Pansy to avert his eyes from such a hideous thing. As Malfoy continued to look round the room, Harry thought that he may actually be searching for someone while averting his eyes.

A couple moved from in between Harry and Malfoy leaving the gap between them completely empty and that was when it was evident to Harry that Malfoy had found who he was looking for. Malfoy had been searching for him. As soon as they made eye contact – silver and green, Malfoy began to close the space between them as he moved towards Harry with a definite purpose.

Harry then decided this was the time to put his plan into action, he had been here long enough. Harry made a quick and silent exit from the Great Hall, very much like his entrance and he didn't look back.

0000

Well here's the end of this chapter, hope it was worth the wait and not too boring for you all. The song was 'By Myself' by Linkin Park - I thought was very appropriate. Well that's that from me for now on this fic. I will do my best to try and get another chapter up asap, I won't promise anything cos I know I won't keep it. Sorry but it's the truth, love to you all. Please review, I do love reading them. And thank you to all my reviewers so far, love you all! Lelimo


	17. The Valentines Day Ball Part II

Well a very Happy New Year to everyone even though it's over 2 months ago – just shows how bad I am. I am so grateful to those who have stuck with me and have been very patient with my very bad updating throughout this story. You guys are the best, you really are! Well here's the next chapter, I hope you all like.

Chapter Sixteen – The Valentines Day Ball Part II

Harry continued to walk and walk ignoring the snow that landed on his head, his arms, numbing his whole body. The direction Harry took was to the Forbidden Forest, it wasn't his intention but as he past Hagrid's house Harry realised he needed somewhere to hide – The Forbidden Forest. Just before stepping out of the snow into the cover of the trees Harry chanced a glance backwards to the castle where he saw a lone figure standing in the entrance illuminated by the candle light.

Not wanting to lose anymore time he swiftly turned and this time with purpose headed into the depth of the dark, damp but inviting forest. Not a single flake of snow had managed to break through the leaves and branches of the dense trees. They locked everything out but at the same time kept everything in. As Harry was running he thought of all the secrets he had told these trees and how they had then told them to the wind. The further in Harry delved the blacker the surroundings became and as he reached this point Harry felt sure no one would find him.

Harry lent against a tree and slid down it, pulling his legs into his body automatically for warmth. Putting his head on his knees Harry sighed and contemplated.

'_I can't believe I let him see me watching him. It was the stupidest thing to do. If I let my defences down against him, a mere student, then what chance do I stand when I'm against one of the darkest, most powerful wizards?_' Harry berated himself, while slamming his fists into his legs.

'ARGHHHHH!' Harry screamed. 'ARGHHH!' Stopping abruptly he listened to his voice being carried away by the wind on the tips of the trees. The echo slowly got quieter and quieter – then there was deadly silence.

'What the fuck am I going to do?' Harry asked out loud to no one in particular. 'What am I going to do?'

'**You could do the right thing.**_'_

Harry jumped up, wand at the ready. 'Who said that?' He asked impatiently.

'**Who do you think? There's no one else around?**_'_

'Bloody great, so I've now got to listen to my fucking sub conscious. And what is the right thing?'

'**Only you know that.**_'_

'You are me.'

'**Oooo touché. However, I'm only a part of you.**_'_

In anger Harry turned around and kicked the tree, hard. 'Shit! That hurt.' But he didn't care, not anymore. Harry didn't want to think, he didn't want to think of the consequences of what might be. This made Harry kick the tree again and again. Harry then slammed his body into it, hitting his head in the process, but not caring. Harry could taste the blood in his mouth as it seeped down from a deep cut that had formed on his head. Tasting the coppery liquid with his tongue he moved back from the tree, as if stunned.

Although, he only needed a moment and he was punching the tree with his bare hands. His knuckles clenched into white balls as they smashed into the bark of the tree, where he then dragged them downwards to pull them away, which in turn scraped several layers of skin off. Harry flicked his hair out of his eyes, which was slowly congealing with blood. Removing this barrier, Harry took one last swing at the tree and his hand collided with the tree at the wrong angle. Harry heard the snap, then he felt it and screamed.

0000

Harry wasn't sure how long much time had passed as he sat cradling his hand in his lap trying to hold his little finger in place. The bone was poking out from under where there would normally be a joint but instead was a limp, lifeless sack of skin containing some disjointed bones. The blood was just pouring out in waterfalls of the brightest red, all down his clean white shirt.

Harry lifted his good hand to his head and tenderly felt the cut on his head that had now stopped bleeding. He ran his hand down the side of his face and he could feel his hand smudge the dried blood along his cheek. Carefully and with a great deal of effort he stood up and pulled his wand from his pocket. Kicking a stone in front of him with his foot he transfigured it into a make shift bandage. With all the gentleness he possessed he wrapped his hand in the bandage, trying to use his other fingers to support the broken one until he could get back to Madame Pomfrey. He then tied the bandage round his neck so his hand lay flat across his chest in the most comfortable position possible.

'Lumos.' Harry chanted as he started his journey back, slowly stumbling over roots of trees, trying to find the way out of the forest. Now he had regained his composure and wasn't as annoyed with himself as before he realised this was a part of the forest he didn't know very well. To his surprise Harry found himself relatively worried and the only person he thought of, that he thought would keep him sane was Draco.

Harry paused to catch his breath and take a look around. '_You would think that with the amount of time I spend in here I would know my way around, but I don't._' Harry thought. His thoughts though were cut short by a spasm of pain shooting through his bad arm bringing him back to reality. Harry closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as he waited for it to pass and it seemed to take an eternity.

'Fuck, fuck, fuck.' He muttered, shaking his head. 'Come on Harry, ignore the pain and concentrate. You've done this before,' and slowly his mind changed the pain – instead of it hurting like hell, his hand was now numb. It was just like when he self harmed, he couldn't feel anything, his nerves didn't detect any pain and this brought a small sadistical smile to his lips.

Opening up his eyes, the brightest green clashed with the pure, untainted white to his left. He had found an edge to the Forbidden Forest. Harry soldiered on as he felt the ground change beneath his feet – from the hard, safe but unforgiving dry ground to the unsure, soft and padded snow. Blinking at the whiteness of the snow and the way the moon reflected off it into his eyes, he recognised that he was by the lake. This was where he, Hermione and Ron had spent many a joyful summer afternoon bathing in the sunshine.

Harry made his way to the waters edge, which was now deadly still and utterly iced over. Tentively he placed his foot on the ice letting it skid on the surface, feeling the cold penetrate through his shoe. It dawned on Harry then that he was in a very likely position to contract pneumonia if he didn't make a move to go back to the castle.

Turning to his right he walked back quite normally to the entrance that he had left all those hours ago. Stepping across the threshold he felt a wave of warmth hit him and it was gladly welcomed. Harry just stood for a while enraptured by the warmth; it was as if he had plunged into a hot bath instead of being in the freezing ocean of cold he'd been submerged in for the past few hours.

'Shit Potter, where the bloody hell have you been.'

Harry turned immediately to where the voice came from and there stood Malfoy still in the muggle attire he'd been in for the Ball.

'Do you take pleasure in the frightening the living daylights out of everybody?' Harry questioned.

Malfoy looked at him before answering, 'No, just you.'

'Oh, aren't I privileged.'

'Yes you bloody are. I don't wait up for every fucking person who deludes themselves into going on a midnight stroll on one of the coldest nights of the year.'

'I didn't ask you to wait for me.' Harry spat back.

'Well fuck you Potter, fuck you. I though we'd come to some sort of agreement, obviously I was wrong.' Malfoy said maliciously.

'Oh, so you do recognise it then? Well that is a surprise seeing as you haven't talked to me since then.' Harry nearly shouted, he was beginning to get quite angry and his hand was starting to throb.

'What? What exactly do you expect me to do? Tell al my friends – oh yeah by the way I've reached an agreement with one of our long term enemies and we're now on speaking terms – Come on Potter, even you can't be that dense as to realise that won't work…' Malfoy looked at him pointedly.

'Yeah whatever Malfoy, I might have known you wouldn't think about anything but yourself and your precious reputation. Take pride in being a Death Eater's son?'

Malfoy lurched at Harry and grabbed his sides shaking him. 'DON'T! Don't you fucking dare say that you git!' Malfoy was almost white and it wasn't with fear.

Harry looked on Malfoy with an expression of shock, which then turned instantly to one of hurt. Harry comprehended that his bad arm was hitting continuously against his chest screaming at him with pain. 'SHIT SHIT SHIT!' Harry yelled. Malfoy stopped instantaneously, very flushed. Harry breathed slowly, taking in the pain, trying to ignore it and he mentioned to Malfoy, 'I have to go to the Hospital Wing. Had a slight accident.'

Without waiting on Malfoy, Harry removed himself from Malfoy's presence. As quickly as possible Harry headed straight for the Hospital Wing, not caring what level of noise he created.

0000

Seating himself on the side of a hospital bed he waited while Madame Pomfrey went to collect a sleeping draught for him. She had finished fussing and mending his hand without asking too many a question. She had also attended to his face and head. Harry had refused to stay in the Hospital Wing and so this was why he was receiving the draught.

As he heard the shuffling of slippers on the cold, hard lino floor, Harry also detected a second pair of shoes.

'Here Potter, you take this as soon as you're in bed. Good night.' And with that she swept from the room, leaving Harry with Malfoy.

'Yes Malfoy?' Harry asked irritably.

'Draco. It's Draco.'

Harry gave Draco a long, hard, enquiring stare. 'Harry.' He replied. After a moments pause Harry continued, 'So what are you doing here Draco?'

'I came to check to see if you were ok and weren't about to die on m… us all.'

'No, no I'm still here. Just had a little argument with a tree that's all and also promptly lost.' Harry smiled.

Looking shocked Draco gave Harry a small smile back.

'I don't know about you but I'm not tired anymore, join me for a drink?' Draco raised an eyebrow at Harry's question. 'Not that kind of drink, is that all you think of? Don't answer that question on second thoughts. I meant something like coffee or chocolate.'

'Oh ok.' Came the confused reply.

0000

'Aren't the kitchens five floors down from here?' Draco enquired.

'I'm not going to the kitchens. Now in you go.' Harry said opening the door to the Room of Requirement. Cups of steaming coffee lined on wall and the other had shelves mounted with meltingly delicious hot chocolate. Harry grabbed one and sat down on a squishy red chair, putting his sleeping draught to the side. Too shocked for words Draco took a cup of coffee, put spoonful after spoonful of sugar in it and sat down opposite Harry.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while watching one another over the rims of their mugs when they thought the other wasn't looking.

Harry chuckled and spoke, 'This reminds me of a poster I once saw, it said 'They met over a cup of coffee, but who drank it?' Good don't you think?'

'Hmm,' Draco nodded.

Harry finished his drink and went and grabbed another, settling back down into the mould he'd made in the chair. Fed up with the occasional glance and the continual silence, Harry decided to make conversation.

'You have fun tonight?' He asked. '_Must keep this simple and on common ground._' Harry thought to himself.

Draco sipped his drink through pursed lips, 'It was ok, I was surprised mu… Granger managed to decorate the Hall so well.' Harry was about to speak, when Draco placed his mug down and continued. 'Only one problem though, I was stuck with Pansy as a partner – 'ooo dance with me Draco, dance with me' – continuously in my ear the whole evening. I swear that girl needs an off button or a volume control. Didn't see you with anyone…?'

'Nah, wasn't going to even bother going but I was guilted into it by Ron.' Harry shrugged.

'I saw you watching.' Draco mentioned bluntly.

'Straight to the point. I noticed you followed and waited for me.'

This time it was Draco's turn to shrug. 'And?'

'Nothing, bit strange that's all.'

'I could say the same about you.'

'I guess you could.' Harry replied. 'Does it matter?'

'Does what?' Draco asked a little shocked.

'That I was watching you.' Draco didn't say anything but just shook his head in reply. Harry drummed his fingers as they sat and suddenly as though he'd been pinched on the arse, he jumped up.

'I don't understand why the hell you went with Parkinson though.' He shouted jealously.

Draco stood to challenge the power Harry had by standing. 'Well what the hell did you expect me to do Harry? Go with you!' Draco sneered.

Harry blushed slightly at Draco's words but didn't care anymore; this had to be in the open. 'And why not?' He questioned, then as quick as lightning, before he had time to think he closed the gap between Draco and himself. 'You hate her, so why bother with her?'

Holding his own, Draco glared at Harry. 'To keep up bloody appearances.' He turned away, his head in his hands. Harry reached out to touch Draco's shoulder but never got there. Draco swiftly turned back round and whispered, 'because it wouldn't do for them to know that it's Harry fucking Potter, the boy who wouldn't die that I want.' Draco shook his head as if disgusted with himself. 'Harry, it's you I want.' Draco repeated more calmly and collected.

Harry stood in utter shock and stony silence.

Well there we go. It's all out in the open and without Harry revealing his feelings…. Lol. Well fingers crossed I get another chapter up before the end of the week, seeing as its half term and my birthday on Friday! Eeeee lol. Not that I'm excited or anything. Well, I may as well ask you to review, pretty please, it means so much and I love to read them. Thanks!


	18. A Dream Come True?

Ouch, I haven't updated since February. I am so bad and really really sorry. At the moment I'm mid A level exams and so probably in all reality shouldn't be writing this cos I should be revising. Oh well, that's the joys of last minute cramming! I don't have an excuse for not writing another chapter, I just haven't got round to it and I'm very sorry. 

This chapter is dedicated to Fair as Sebastian, Serpent's Redemption and Zafaran – these guys kick arse as they reviewed my last chapter, thank you for having so much faith.

Anyway onto the chapter I suppose!

Chapter seventeen – A Dream Come True?

'You're fucking with me right?' Harry questioned, very perplexed.

Harry could have sworn he heard Draco mutter, 'I wish.' But then say more audibly, 'No Harry, I'm not.'

'You're playing a game?'

'No.'

'You're trying to manipulate me, so that I then fall in love with you or something soppy like that and you can hand me straight over to Voldemort.' Harry ignored Draco's obvious shudder at the name he despised.

'No.' Draco repeated.

'Ok. So you're doing it for your own benefit. This means you can see me bend to your will. Show the school that you're the one who can control Harry Potter.'

'No. Why are you trying to find an excuse? Why won't you believe me?'

'Because it's so fucking unbelievable that you want me.' Harry chuckled. 'That is something I never thought I would hear myself say. Although 5 years ago I didn't believe in wizards and witches and how wrong I was.'

'And you're wrong now with your assumptions, is that so hard to believe?' Draco questioned.

Harry gave Draco a hard stare. 'So…so…hard to believe?' Harry repeated speechless. 'You taunted me continuously and made my life living hell for 5 years and you now suddenly out of the blue expect me to deduce that you want me?' By now Harry was agitated he was beginning to sweat in places he didn't know you could sweat.

'You believed in wizards and witches.' Draco said hopefully.

'That's because I could see with my own eyes that they were real. What you're confessing to me is words, words can be meaningless. I've heard so many promises from people throughout my life that have crumbled and burnt I find words very hard to believe.' Harry explained.

They both stood there, regarding one another with the wariness of two people meeting for the first time. Draco ran a hand through his blonde locks and closed his eyes in exhaustion.

'Don't get exasperated with me. You have to see where I'm coming from and my reasoning.'

'I'm offering myself to you here; I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life.' Harry smirked at this. '_Draco, uncomfortable, there is a first time for everything,_' Draco interrupted his thoughts with, 'What do I have to do to prove that I'm genuine to you?'

Harry considered him for a second. This blonde 16 year old boy was asking him what to do, what to say and how to act. If only he knew himself. Harry could quite easily exploit him and influence him to become anything he wanted. However in that second Harry observed him he realised he didn't want this, for their relationship to start like it was. Especially if it was destined to be a relationship. The possibilities for lies, deceit, manipulation and embarrassment from the very start.

'What I want you to do Draco,' Harry said slowly still trying to collect his own thoughts.

'Yes Harry?'

'Is to go away, walk out of this room and really think about what you've said. You must know by now that I like you and want to help you, be by your side whenever and wherever. There I've laid my heart on the line – you could quite easily get a huge, huge...something and crush it, then triumph in my pain. So, I want you to go away for at least a month, not utter a single word at me nor glance in my direction and seriously think about what you've said to me. Work out if you could handle the ridicule, the comments and snide remarks and whether through all that you could put up with me, my temper, my friends and my character. Then if yourealise you can, I will open up my arms to you and we'll see where we go from then. However, if you feel you can't after you've thought this through I never want to speak to youor preferably, see you again. The hurt would be far too great for me to physically handle. That's the ultimatum.' Harry stopped talking, turned on his heal and walked across to the door. Before gripping the handle to leave he mentioned one last thing. 'I hope for your sake as much as mine that you make one hell of the right decision because if you don't this could end in more than tears.' And with that Harry slipped out of the Room of Requirement, leaving Draco standing alone.

0000

The next few weeks were absolute hell for Harry; he dared not to speak to anyone. Otherwise he knew he'd end up saying or doing something he'd regret in the long run. Harry wanted Draco, he lusted after Draco and wanted to be able to envelope him in his arms.

Walking along a random corridor on his prefect duty he shook his head as he thought. '_I gave him the ultimatum, it's my own fault he's ignoring me, I should have just accepted him then and there. I have to know though that it means more to him than a quick shag in an empty classroom._' Draco had been very good in honouring Harry's words and gave him the space he requested. He even went as far as having another Slytherin tell Harry which parts of the castle Draco would be patrolling so that Harry coulddo the others. This way they wouldn't meet and have to be in one anothers presence. It was lonely patrolling by himself; although Harry was so used to being alone he didn't really notice the silence. It was almost second nature.

Finally at 11.30pm Harry started to stroll back to the Gryffindor Common Room. Taking his time so there would be a lack of people when he arrived. Having said that when he appeared near a group of Gryffindors they now generally seemed to disperse and give him a wide berth. Hearing the Fat Lady swing shut behind him, Harry entered the Common Room and was greeted by a blazing fire and someone tending to it. On closer inspection Harry observed that it was in fact two people, Ron and Ginny.

'Oh sorry, I didn't mean to disturb your conversation.' Harry muttered to the carpeted floor.

'I was just leaving anyway,' Ginny remarked glaring daggers at him.

'_If looks could kill_,' Harry mused to himself.

With a heavy and heart felt sigh Harry called, 'Ginny!' She paused at the bottom of the stairs not replying, not turning round and clearly not expecting much from him.

'I'm sorry. For what it's worth I'm very sorry.'

'It may not be worth much Harry at the moment but it's a start.' Turning aroundGinny walked back over to Harry giving him a quick squeeze, which left Harry dumbfounded. Harry flashed her a small smile, which she didn't return and they moved their different ways.

When Ginny had gone, Harry speculated, 'Your sister has got a big forgiving heart especially when I've acted like a piece of shit towards members of her family. Ron, I'm sorry for my recent behaviour this year. I am very sorry.' He looked optimistically in Ron's direction, willing him to speak.

'Mate, it's Hermione that's been hit hard with your change of manner. I've had to put up with you solidly for 5 years almost day in day out so I'm more accustomed to it all.' He paused as if collecting his thoughts. 'I don't want to lose you as a best mate, I could never replace you but I can't take being treated as a piece of shit especially with the mood swings you have. All sorry one minute, looking as if you're ready to talk to us and the next, nothing. We become completely cut off once again; it's like one of those bloody muggle contraptions Hermione loves, sawsee? You know, up, down, up, down and so on. We try to help but never seem to do the right thing, we're stuck Mione and I and we don't know what to do.'

'There are so many reasons as to my behaviour that I don't know where to start. This year has been turmoil for me and no, I'm not ready to go into it now. I'm still that way and until I find my release, which I hope will come soon, willmean thatI can explain or at least find it easier to explain. Let's say for now it was my own jealously and selfishness that allowed my friendship with you two to reach these awful extremities.' Harry half explained.

'I guess that'll have to do for now. But I sure as hell want a proper explanation soon; otherwise you'll have my fist and my wand to worry about!' Ron joked, giving Harry an almost shy but promising smile.

After this conversation with Ron, Harry felt as if he was one step closer to achieving whatever he was trying to achieve. Harry could also swear he'd done more apologising this year than he'd ever done before in his life. It was drastically needed if he wanted to retain his friends and he knew they wouldn't stick around forever if he continued the way he was. The next big one was Hermione, who Harry knew wouldn't take his half explained answer. The there was Draco, the release he was praying for. Harry knew they could help one another and be the salvation of each other.

0000

It had been exactly one month since his ultimatum had been given to Draco, so from now could be the turning point of his life. He'd either hear from Draco some point soon or never at all. Harry was so apprehensive he wasn't sure which one he wanted more. Harry realised it wouldn't be easy what with the differences that had separated them for nearly 6 years. However, he was almost 100 positive it'd be bloody fantastic to have Draco at his side.

0000

One week later and Harry hadn't heard even so much as a whisper from Draco. Had he lost him? Harry had begun to sweat with worry. He wouldn't eat, provoking worried looks from his friends, who were just about talking to him again. Harry couldn't call them his best friends anymore asthat implied something. Harry due to events as much his fault as theirs didn't have that something any longer. These looks were never transferred into words. Ron and Hermione stepped round him as if he were a caged animal that wasn't allowed to be set free. So slowly Harry began to deteriorate.

0000

Then in the middle of the second week he was approached by Draco. Harry at the time had taken himself to an empty classroom where he had gone through the usual ritual of taking a piece of glass to his wrists, slicing accurately and knowledgablythrough his vaguely tanned skin. Harry continued to do so until the blood was running in torrents across his arm and onto the ground. Not bothering to wait for the blood to dry Harry then conjured up a punch bag, change and begin to work out. The pain of the fresh cuts searing through his body,even thoughthe pain drove him insane, it just made him work harder. They opened and reopened, never being able to truely heal and it wasn't something Harry was about to correct.

Harry caught the sight of figure standing in the doorway mid punch. 'Don't just stand there, come in, I promise I won't bite.' Harry said with a sadistic smile across his face.

Draco moved into the room, shifting from one foot to the other like a nervous young animal taking its first steps. 'Yes Harry, I think I can commit fully to you.'

Harry raised an eyebrow and cracked a few knuckles, 'you think?'

Draco stuttered. '_Since when do Malfoys stutter_?' Harry wondered. 'No I can, I know I can that's what I meant.'

'Are you sure Draco because you don't sound positive?'

'For fucks sake Harry, I can't do this, the army regiment thing and the perfection you seem to crave in a relationship. Haven't you ever had a relationship?' By the look Harry gave Draco, Draco continued quickly on passing that point. 'It doesn't work like that; you have to take the ups with the downs. We may have our arguments but then, fingers crossed we'd make up. It's the way it works and I can't conform to your want for me to fill something that you've lost. I'm me, and you'll get me for who I am, not something you've created.' Draco gasped for air after his outburst.

'Well if that's the way you feel…' Harry said leaving the end of the sentence hanging like a lead weight in the stilted air.

Draco ran a finger round the collar of his shirt; it had suddenly warmed up a lot causing him to gulp. 'I have to be me Harry, I thought you of all the gits in this hellhole would realise that after all that's happened.' Draco shook his head looking at Harry with what seemed like pity but really conveyed frustration. Then in a dignified silence he stormed off leaving Harry in a stupor clutching his blood seeping arm.

0000

It took only 8 days before the rumours reached Harry's ears. The rumours which tore his heart into two pieces, had them fed to a blender and then mashed up to a pulp for good measure. Harry didn't believe it when he first heard it, it took a very persuading Hermione to make him realise the truth in the rumours.

'Rumours are never true in this school.' Was his first argument.

'They're too young to do something like that.' Was his second.

'It's probably arranged, nothing will come of it.' Was his third excuse.

Slowly the arguments turned into excuses and they became weaker and weaker until he finally accepted it as the truth. Draco was engaged to marry Pansy Parkinson and there was nothing he could do. Draco was gone and everything in his world started to disintegrate around him. Harry shrunk so far into himself that he spoke a word to no one and only answered 'yes' or 'no' to questions posed to him. Falling right into the model that Ron had pointed out merely a couple of weeks before. Harry didn't turn up for meals, nor did he conduct his prefect duty or do his homework. Instead he spent his spare time wandering aimlessly around the grounds of the castle.

So far he had managed to avoid Dumbledore, Lupin, McGonagall and any worried glances he motivated. Lupin had tried to approach him and make him talk but all Harry had done was look at him blankly. As if he was from another world, not understanding a single word muttered from Lupin's mouth. However, he didn't miss the last comment of, 'what's happened to James and Lily's son, the boy I used to know?' At that point Harry had walked away, knowing if he hadn't then he would have fallen to the floor and burst into tears. Then the next day Harry had observed McGonagall talking in hushed whispers to Ron and Hermione. They had all shaken their heads and then the three of them had turned their heads towards Harry.

'_Like that's not obvious_.' Harry thought sarcastically.

Finally after a week, Dumbledore graced Harry with his company. Harry was up in the Owlery whispering sweet nothings to Hedwig and stroking her feathers affectionately.

'Well at least someone still has your confidence.' Harry didn't bother to turn around nor did he acknowledge the Headmaster. 'Come on Harry, talk to me, I want to help you but I can't unless you talk. What's going on inside that head of yours?' Dumbledore tried desperately.

'I'm surprised old man that you haven't tried to read my thoughts.' Harry muttered scathingly into the calming softness of Hedwig's feathers.

'Now Harry you know very well that I can't. You're a very skilled legilimens, due to your very hard work over the last 6 months or so.' Dumbledore replied. Harry heard him glide across the floor so Dumbledore was now positioned by the window. 'Beautiful view especially at such a beautiful time of year.'

Harry eyed the old man, while automatically tracing his finger along his arm and along the question that he never stopped thinking about. 'Small talk about buggar all is not going to work.' Harry could feel his anger rising. 'Why can't you just be straight with me and tell things as they are. You're constantly telling others to share their feelings but what about you?' Harry paused to let Dumbledore absorb his words. 'You let no one know what's going on. It's all a bloody mystery.I can't stand the fucking hypocrisy of it all!' Harry's voice was beginning to get louder. 'I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE; I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!' Harry yelled at Dumbledore, his voice broken from the screaming. Harry could feel the electricity in the room as one powerful wizard faced another but one of them had no control over their power. All the owls were now wide awake and screeching at the noise, disturbance and tension created in the room.

Dumbledore looked sideways at Harry where naïve, pure emerald green eyes met older, ice blue eyes. Harry saw many emotions flash through the ice blue eyes in just a second – pity, slight irritation, remorse and disappointment. Then immediately after that second they returned to the old, kind eyes they always were but held no sparkle.

Shaking his head Dumbledore placed his hand heavily on Harry's shoulder saying, 'You talk to me when you're ready.' Dumbledore left Harry to his own solace.

0000

Harry stalked into the library still cooling off from his encounter with Dumbledore. Not even bothering to inform Madame Pince he waltzed straight into the restricted section of the library to find a book on potions he needed. Once found, he headed to the main library area to find another to compliment the one he'd already grabbed. On reaching the potions aisle Harry heard voices – two voices, one he most definitely recognised and the other he didn't want to. Turning into the aisle Harry was faced with Draco and Parkinson pushed rather roughly up against one of the book shelves mid grope. Harry thought Draco looked as if he was about to be sick; but who could blame him? On the other hand that may have been Harry's mind twisting what he saw to make himself feel better.

'Surely you could have found somewhere more private, in oh I don't know a dormitory perhaps. Not all of us like the sight.' Harry sneered trying his best to prevent the hurt he was feeling creep up into his gaze. Draco just looked at him blankly, however the little push Draco gave Parkinson to remove her from him didn't go unnoticed by Harry.

'So the boy who lived still exists unfortunately for us, looking like the walking dead.' Parkinson commented.

'Oh grow up Parkinson; I don't have time for what I'm sure would be a lovely little spat with you. I want to spend as little time in your ugly presence as possible, so you'll excuse me.' Harry jeered back, while walking down the aisle to retrieve the book.

'Go on Pansy, piss off. I have to talk to Potter about prefect duty.' Draco said loudly so that Harry would hear and hopefully take the hint.

'Oh but sweetie, things were just beginning to get interesting…' Parkinson replied running her fingers lightly up Draco's chest.

'Go. On. Piss. Off.' Draco shoved Parkinson aside roughly causing her to nearly fall over and with one last look of shock she ran off about to cry.

Once Draco had dismantled Parkinson from his body Harry made quickly to leave the aisle to avoid any contact with Draco. As Harry levelled with Draco, Draco manoeuvred to block his way. This caused Harry to move to the other side to try and escape but Draco mimicked his movements again.

'I could crush you like a fly.' Harry threatened.

'You know you wouldn't.'

'Are you trying to test me?'

'Are you going to allow me to marry that bitch?' Draco challenged.

Stunned at Draco's abrupt comment Harry took a step back so he could fully view the blonde boy in front of him. Harry was so tempted to reach in and read Draco's thoughts, to know what exactly he wanted and what he felt. However, his conscience held him back.

'_What a great way that would be to start a relationship_.' Harry chuckled.

'What's so funny?' Draco questioned.

'Nothing.' Harry held his head in his hands, pushing his hair up on end. 'Draco, there are a few things I need to say to you.'

'Yes?' Draco replied eagerly.

'Firstly, I'm sorry for the way I treated you. Secondly, I don't think I can live without you especially after these past weeks. Thirdly I fancy the hell out of you. Fourthly when I heard about you and Parkinson I nearly went completely insane. Fifthly, now I've lost you and I don't like the feeling. Sixthly, I am at a dead end with no purpose without you.' Harry cautiously looked at Draco trying to gauge his reaction; it wasn't exactly as he'd planned it. It had been said too fast and with not enough sincerity in Harry's opinion. Draco stood perfectly still and didn't say a word, Harry waited for what seemed like years. Still not saying a word Draco walked defiantly away from Harry.

Harry, utterly astounded, crumpled to the floor nearly in tears but he knew he couldn't cry. He'd done enough of that throughout his life, too much for a 16 year old boy. Seconds later Draco reappeared round the corner of the bookshelf and stood in front of Harry. Bending down, so he was resting on his haunches Draco put a finger to Harry's chin and forced him to look up to meet Draco's face.

'Would you like to go to dinner with me next weekend?' He asked.

Harry's mouth dropped and then widened into a genuine smile. 'Yes I think I would.'

Both boys smiled and the connection was made. Harry pushing himself up off the floor onto his knees slowly moved in and placed his lips on Draco's in a chaste kiss. 'You always seal things with a kiss.' He said relishing in the taste of Draco.

'That's fine by me.' Draco commented half dazed.

'This is a dream come true.' Harry stated matter-a-factly.

'Oh don't I know it.' Draco replied.

There we go, another chapter to add! Hope it was ok and readable. By now I'm pretty sure you know I love to hear your comments, so anything would be welcome, constructive criticism included! So if you have 5 minutes, please review. I shall do my best not to leave it as long as I have; I'm very bad I know that. Much love and all that jazz. Lelimo


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